AIBU - scared of being alone over night

letsnotIRL · 26/04/2025 22:43

My SIL is like this, it's a real fear. When her DH goes away for work she moves into her mams house with her DD8. Every time. No one thinks it's silly, she's scared and it's that simple. She wants to try and work on it though as the older DD gets, the more it's disrupting her routine with school etc.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/04/2025 22:43

that's bizarre for an adult - have you sought therapy or tried anti anxiety medication?

Topseyt123 · 26/04/2025 22:46

I don't think it's that uncommon.

I don't have full on fear, but if DH is away, or if I am on my own, I do feel more uneasy and don't sleep so well.

EmeraldRoulette · 26/04/2025 22:47

YABU

I've lived alone for years

mum lives alone after being widowed. Much as she bugs me sometimes, she's been an adult about this thank goodness

then again, dad had to go away for training when I was a kid. So she was alone with a little one as well.

I used to have a friend who moved back in with her folks at 40 and then got upset when they went on holiday. Ended up staying with an aunt and they had to put the dog in kennels because she refused to be alone in the house.

is it an actual phobia? Should you seek treatment? Or are you just having a moan?

LobeliaBaggins · 26/04/2025 22:49

Your fiance is right.

Houseplantsaresoothing · 26/04/2025 22:50

I think the first time I had to spend a night alone I was a bit frightened.

But you get used to.

Anyway, I've been a widow 19 years and my son left home 9 years ago so I've lived alone since then. I don't really have any choice in the matter!

Original poster

MummaHud · 26/04/2025 22:50

EmeraldRoulette · 26/04/2025 22:47

YABU

I've lived alone for years

mum lives alone after being widowed. Much as she bugs me sometimes, she's been an adult about this thank goodness

then again, dad had to go away for training when I was a kid. So she was alone with a little one as well.

I used to have a friend who moved back in with her folks at 40 and then got upset when they went on holiday. Ended up staying with an aunt and they had to put the dog in kennels because she refused to be alone in the house.

is it an actual phobia? Should you seek treatment? Or are you just having a moan?

It’s a phobia, I’ve always been like it. I stayed at my mums last night, she couldn’t stay with me because of her dogs. My little girl has an event tomorrow where I live, so we are at home tonight. My dad and fiance are on my fiancés stag.. I’d never pester him and I’ve not mentioned to him although he knows I hate it. He’s having a great time, I just like company at night!

OP posts:

TheFormidableMrsC · 26/04/2025 22:52

I’ve lived alone with my ND child for 12 years nearly. I just make sure the house is locked up and don’t give it a second thought. I live semi rurally, I have neighbours. I’m woken by wildlife noises but other than that, things are locked and unless somebody decides to smash a window to get in which is highly unlikely, I’m absolutely fine.

Pinkelephant66 · 26/04/2025 22:52

Get a dog. A big one

LobeliaBaggins · 26/04/2025 22:53

Get some treatment.

Changingplace · 26/04/2025 22:54

Yeah weird to be scared of being alone overnight as an adult, I lived on my own for years and DH is often away, it’s not practical as an adult to always have someone else there.

I’d not have much patience if anyone I knew was like this, I think it’s quite silly as an adult not to be able to function on your own.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/04/2025 22:55

Either it’s a real phobia or you “just like company at night”?

Houseplantsaresoothing · 26/04/2025 22:55

I'm not surprised your fiancé isn't too happy about you not wanting to spend a night alone: he can probably forsee a lot of pressure being placed on him in the future because of this.

HappyHappyy · 26/04/2025 22:56

I don’t love it when DP is away, always feel a little vulnerable but have a gentle giant of a dog with a fierce sounding bark so that reassures me a little. And a ring doorbell!

Changingplace · 26/04/2025 22:56

MummaHud · 26/04/2025 22:50

It’s a phobia, I’ve always been like it. I stayed at my mums last night, she couldn’t stay with me because of her dogs. My little girl has an event tomorrow where I live, so we are at home tonight. My dad and fiance are on my fiancés stag.. I’d never pester him and I’ve not mentioned to him although he knows I hate it. He’s having a great time, I just like company at night!

Show quote history

Is it a phobia or do you just prefer company? They are very different things.

Original poster

MummaHud · 26/04/2025 22:57

Houseplantsaresoothing · 26/04/2025 22:55

I'm not surprised your fiancé isn't too happy about you not wanting to spend a night alone: he can probably forsee a lot of pressure being placed on him in the future because of this.

We’ve been together 10 years and I’ve never stopped him or ever will stop him going on holidays or nights away / out. I have a very close relationship with my mum, so usually we turn these events into ‘girly time’ - this times a little different, I feel uneasy being at home alone at night.

OP posts:

RedWineIsFine · 26/04/2025 22:57

MummaHud · 26/04/2025 22:41

I’m scared of being alone over night and my fiance says I’m being unreasonable, I always worry someone’s going to break in or somethings going to go wrong, all the noises freak me out.

I can’t be the only one?!

No, you are absolutely not U to be scared of doing it the first time, but you would be to let it stop you doing so. It's a little mean for people to suggest it's not veey adult, I'm sure other people have less realistic but equally debilitating fears.
FWIW I've never done a full night alone in the house(yet weirdly in hotels a lot!), first time DH worked away I hid all the knives, last time DS was out till the early hours so I had weights behind the door.

MrsMappFlint · 26/04/2025 22:57

I understand. My husband is away on business a fair amount and I felt just like this.
He put a Yale lock on the bedroom door and a bolt on the inside.

Over the top maybe but it was a simple solution and it helped me to calm down and get a good night's sleep.

I didn't need therapy...I just needed a practical thing to make me feel safe.

Don't be made to feel foolish. It's a fear, a real fear and it is nothing to feel shamed about either on this board or anywhere else.

Swiftie1878 · 26/04/2025 22:58

MummaHud · 26/04/2025 22:50

It’s a phobia, I’ve always been like it. I stayed at my mums last night, she couldn’t stay with me because of her dogs. My little girl has an event tomorrow where I live, so we are at home tonight. My dad and fiance are on my fiancés stag.. I’d never pester him and I’ve not mentioned to him although he knows I hate it. He’s having a great time, I just like company at night!

Show quote history

‘Liking company at night’ is not the same as having a phobia of being alone at night.
You need to get over yourself, and get help. You can’t be an adult in that state.

Original poster

MummaHud · 26/04/2025 22:59

MrsMappFlint · 26/04/2025 22:57

I understand. My husband is away on business a fair amount and I felt just like this.
He put a Yale lock on the bedroom door and a bolt on the inside.

Over the top maybe but it was a simple solution and it helped me to calm down and get a good night's sleep.

I didn't need therapy...I just needed a practical thing to make me feel safe.

Don't be made to feel foolish. It's a fear, a real fear and it is nothing to feel shamed about either on this board or anywhere else.

Edited

Thank you, we have a Yale system downstairs.. so we can put the alarm on for downstairs only, which I’ve done!

OP posts:

happinessischocolate · 26/04/2025 23:00

I”ve been a single parent for 20 years, years and years of no other adult in the house, the only time I’ve worried is when the kids were young and I had to go up in the loft and I explained how to get the neighbours help if I fell 😂

I do understand the quietness when your alone and my kids (adults now) are out but to be worried ? Think about the probability of someone suddenly breaking in on the one night youre alone? pretty unlikely. ! Doors and windows closed - all good 😊

MrsMappFlint · 26/04/2025 23:01

That's a good solution. It is highly unlikely that anyone will enter but if the alarm goes off-throw something through your window and yell your head off!

It's also reassuring to have a neighbour's number on your 'phone, ready to dial.

Your alarm system is a big guard dog, so try to settle as best you can...prop yourself up on a pillow and watch some thing you like.

Night night.

onceuponarainbow12 · 26/04/2025 23:02

Me. 100% hate it, but can cope when needed. Definitely got a lot better about it once had DC as feel like I focus on them and don't want to give them my bad vibes lol

DollydaydreamTheThird · 26/04/2025 23:02

MummaHud · 26/04/2025 22:41

I’m scared of being alone over night and my fiance says I’m being unreasonable, I always worry someone’s going to break in or somethings going to go wrong, all the noises freak me out.

I can’t be the only one?!

I hate it when my DH is away with work. I've got better as time has gone on but still hate it. Have you ever been burgled OP? I think that is why i'm scared because we got burgled overnight when I was a kid and it's always stayed with me. It's not even an irrational fear because these things happen. The likelihood is low though so that's what I have to say to myself every time.

Profhilodisaster · 26/04/2025 23:04

I would seek a bit of counselling to help you with this Op, the chances of anyone breaking in are pretty small.
It probably won't help you but I live alone, sometimes I forget to lock the back door and it can be opened from the outside I never lock the front door, no one has broken in , in 15 years.