For ending an exhausting friendship?

[RisetteMcG]

For context I'm married and have an autistic child.

I don't often reply for a few hours/days because I'm obviously busy with my own life. I try and respond whenever I'm on my phone but again, I don't have time/energy to even be on it.

I'm 27 and my friend is 28, she's engaged with no children.

I haven't responded to her for 24 hours as I've been extremely busy with my son and work. She's now put a story on Snapchat (yeah, this happens regularly) with a quote "people who ignore you until it suits them to talk to you, are not worth your time or friendship". I always apologise if I haven't answered but I'm just sick of feeling like I cannot have a life without rushing to message back.

I get she may be worried but never expresses that concern, just annoyed that I don't reply.

Am I wrong for calling her out and dissolving the friendship?

She's not a good friend to you, I'd step back in your shoes.

It sounds like the two of you don't work well together so maybe it's best to move on.

Just get rid
What on earth is there to ask about

Have you ended the friendship? I would just be blocking her, something i don't say lightly. She has no empathy for your circumstances, and those pass agg SM status would be the last straw, especially if a regular occurrence. I have siblings whose lives are much, much busier than mine, and aren't always be on their phones

As a parent of an autistic child myself , please step back from this friendship , it isn’t going to work .

A brief text takes seconds

Put your own story up saying "people who post passive aggressive shit about you, knowing full well that you'll read it and know it's about you, are fucking losers". Then never reply to her message and let her fume about it. You obviously need to bin her off but you may as well have some fun with it before you move on.

It sounds like she's already made the decision for you. I'd just leave it.

I get that people need different levels of interaction from their friendships and sometimes there are incompatibilities but passive aggressive social media is never going to make anything better.

Just set explicit boundaries that suit you - i don't know, tell her that you will only be answering messages on a Saturday or something.

I wouldn't have time for this passive-aggressive malarkey and I'm nowhere near as busy as you. Answering one text is all well and good, but when the timing's all off and you get another, it can turn into a prolonged exchange back and forth, at a time when you've got loads of things piling up. Most of us have been there and it can turn into one more chore or obligation on an already full plate. If your friend doesn't understand that your life isn't in lockstep with hers, it may be time for a parting of the ways.

It’s about expectations though. Yes, it takes seconds. Then it’ll only take seconds for the other woman to respond, then ‘it’s only a few seconds’ to reply etc etc.

Even when i was childless and NY friends were married with 1 - 4 kids each I 100% understood and there would be days - weeks eithout contwct and never ever complained.

She is no real friend. 1 of my BFFS who has 4 kids 1 with autisim I always say no rush I appreciate your reaponse and know you wre tied up. If she geta bwck to me the same day I am hella appreciative. If it takes 10days that is also fine. Now I am a mother of 2 it get into the swme situwtions of soemtimea having the time to respond within hours to taking 2 weeks! Esepcially with illness snd teething etc etc.

She isn't empathetic wnd I would give her the opportunity to understand what she is doing is cruel and unfriendly of her. Her reaponse will be telling

Hell no. A person that needy will never be able to manage an adult friendship properly. She doesn't own you, you don't "owe" her any kind of response in any timeline whatsoever and passive ggressive social media posts are the worst kind of childish melodrama and manipulation.

I'm not a fan of flouncers and blockers but I'd run for the hills with this one. She sounds either very fragile and vulnerable or incredibly selfish and you don't need either.

I don’t have half the responsibility that you have and often take hours/days to send a more thoughtful reply unless it’s just a quick text e.g about logistics of a meet up..All of my friends are the same and respect we all have our own lives. She needs to get a grip and stop trying to monopolise your time.

Actually I disagree with everyone else’s opinion. You have read her her message & decided not to reply, now you’re pissed off with her for calling you out. Actually if you were a good friend it wouldn’t have taken 2 mins to send I’m up to eyeballs txt will call later. So no I don’t agree with you.

Or put a post up saying "people who demand you're immediately available at their convenience irrespective of what might be going on in your life, are not worthy of your time or friendship"

She’s not a good friend Op, just ignore her from now on and if she contacts you to ask why, just ignore…

Posting passive aggressive digs on social media is uncalled for and for doing that, I don't blame you for wanting to end the friendship.

Outwith the social media post, does she bring anything positive to the friendship? If it wasn't for the issue with replying to messages, would you remain friends with her?

If no, then definitely end the friendship, however if yes, can you not have a honest chat with her about her expectation of you? Maybe you can both reach some kind of compromise where she doesn't expect as much from you, and when she contacts you, you reply to her but she understands that you can't engage in lengthy chats or conversations.

I'm guessing the reason you don't reply is because one reply leads to a huge conversation which you don't have the time or energy for? One text takes a matter of seconds, and if you know she isn't expecting a long conversation, you might be more responsive to her. If you both understand each other it should resolve this issue, a serious chat might be all that's needed.

The social media digs though were bad form on her part.

She has zero empathy. Your life is not all about her.

I feel like this ‘calling you out’ business should be reserved for more heinous crimes. A good friend would realise you just have a busy life and that you’ll reply later.

I dislike the expectation that texts must be read and responded to immediately. A text or WhatsApp is not urgent, much like email. A phonecall is more immediate and offers quick response if needed

I never respond to messages until it suits me unless it’s an emergency or there’s a hard time limit involved eg ‘I have a spare ticket for X— let me know by 10?’

Other people’s perception of appropriate response times are just that — their perceptions. No need for confrontations or ending friendships.

Just say hey I read your snap and whilst I know its not about me cause you know my situ just wanted to say in case you didn’t know already I’m not quick answering texts as I’m blah blah busy until later in day / week whatever, if it’s urgent call me

How do you know this message is about you.
Sounds pretty pathetic anyway, whoever it's about.
You do need to maintain friendships and put effort in thought if you want a friendship.