For ending an exhausting friendship?

[RisetteMcG]

For context I'm married and have an autistic child.

I don't often reply for a few hours/days because I'm obviously busy with my own life. I try and respond whenever I'm on my phone but again, I don't have time/energy to even be on it.

I'm 27 and my friend is 28, she's engaged with no children.

I haven't responded to her for 24 hours as I've been extremely busy with my son and work. She's now put a story on Snapchat (yeah, this happens regularly) with a quote "people who ignore you until it suits them to talk to you, are not worth your time or friendship". I always apologise if I haven't answered but I'm just sick of feeling like I cannot have a life without rushing to message back.

I get she may be worried but never expresses that concern, just annoyed that I don't reply.

Am I wrong for calling her out and dissolving the friendship?

No

Don't bother and 'prove' her point

You won't miss her

when i was building a friendship i used to text and then wait for them to text back, sometimes they would apologies that they didnt reply sooner but i always said its ok due to them being busy etc and because its eg watsapp then text as and when,

Is she 14?

Personally I think the fact that you're presuming the quote is about you means that you know you've not been the best friend you can be - and yes I'm a single mum to 2 autistic children and still maintain friendships!

She shouldn’t have made such a passive aggressive message on socials, but I’m another one who thinks it only takes a few seconds to reply to a text. If I message someone and it stays on ‘delivered’ I’m more inclined to think the person is busy than if it goes to ‘read’. That tells me the person has picked it up but is choosing not to answer which annoys me because they clearly are on their phone. You also were on you your phone when you read her message on social media. So you can’t say you are never on your phone! I’m also assuming your child sleeps sometimes? So you aren’t on your phone at all then either?
Look, I don’t think people can expect other people to be constantly available to them. But if a friend can’t expect another friend to at least acknowledge their attempt to make contact within a reasonable timescale then why are you friends? You can send a few words to say ‘sorry busy right now I’ll get back to you once DC is in bed’ or even ‘things are hectic call you in a few days?. Nine words.
Or, make it known to your friend that you tend not to respond to texts as they arrive but have set aside, say, Saturday evenings to respond to messages, that way you are managing expectations at least.

And when you have an autistic child, sometimes those seconds are better spent having a breather, nipping to the bathroom or just having a moment to yourself. The demand and expectation of an immediate response is draining when you're already dealing with so much.

@RisetteMcG I would pull back. This relationship may not serve you well in the long run.

people who ignore you until it suits them to talk to you, are not worth your time or friendship

Well there you go then, she’s agreeing with you that it’s time to let the friendship go.

Shes not, but I’d call her bluff.

There are lots of posts on here in a similar vein to the OP. My thoughts are always "a friend wouldnt do this, therefore this person is not a friend"

Put up a quote that says fuck off in a nice font.

Seriously though, you can find friends that don’t make you feel like you’re beholden to them all the time and get bitchy about it. This is a type of person that I avoid.

I honestly can't believe that grown adults put passive aggressive comments like that on social media. I wouldn't reply to her messages either, she sounds really childish and manipulative.

People like this are fucking exhausting. Just let the friendship go.

(If you can, that is. The types that demand constant communication and instant responses also tend not to believe anyone has the right not to be their friend, and will badger you to death wanting to talk it out)

Depends, on the nature of the text doesn't it? Plus OP's 'friend' isn't the only one OP has to respond to. There is such a thing as headspace. Sometimes we can't give to incoming messages. It is the height of rudeness to expect instant replies.

And in OP's situation where she has to literally deal with her vulnerable child in the here and now, her mate's messages are not a priority, especially if she has form for being needy and seeking OP's time when she hans't got the time.

How on earth do adult behave in such a needy and rude manner?

Get off your screens, live life in the here and now. Idiots.

There’s always one 🙄

Say you have 15 people in your life who expect an instantaneous response to messages, and tend to get shitty with you if this doesn’t happen.

Say every time you send a brief reply to one of these friends, they reply to your reply, and expect a reply to their reply, etc etc.

And the content of their texts is invariably either inane daily chit-chat, or details of their various dramas and conflicts - or, in some cases, their severe mental health issues for which they will not seek professional help, preferring instead to disgorge all their trama and self-loathing on their friends by text 24/7 and feel abandoned and betrayed when they don’t get instantaneous responses.

It quickly adds up to a LOT. And you’re basically letting people shit into your mind all day long.

That’s not what friendship looks like, in my book.

If you have friends with sensible expectations, who don’t spam you with endless messages, or upsetting messages that require a lot of very careful consideration to answer, then yes, it’s a simple matter to reply quickly. But that’s clearly not what’s going on for OP.

@YourShyRoseDreamer
That was a painful story to read and would have pushed me over the edge! 😂

Thanks @BadSkiingMum. Appreciate it. Love the user name btw. 😀😀.