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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anxious and upset over driving error

93 replies

ExhaustedBeyondBelief22 · 26/04/2025 12:45

First off I want to start by saying I was at fault here - and I hold my hands up and admit that. I'm very fragile at the moment with a 5.5 month old that hasn't slept in weeks and a 3.5 year old who's been ill and in our bed every night too.

I am exhausted and made an error at a roundabout, cutting in front of another driver - I completely misjudged their indication and cut in front of them at the exit. My baby was asleep in the back and I wasn't paying attention. As soon as I realised my mistake I put my hazards on and held my hand up to the mirror in an apology - the driver then proceeded to drive very close to my bumper the whole way down the road, flashing and beeping at me. By this point I was in tears, she then proceeded to pull up alongside me shouting and swearing, took a picture of my car and drove off. I was shaking and very distressed. I pride myself on being a very careful driver and I had tried to apologise as best I could. I'm so upset and feel as though I've been very aggressively harassed. I'm also feeling very anxious and vulnerable about the picture - I don't understand why she took it or what she plans to do with it. I know I was unreasonable in my error, but am I being unreasonable in feeling as though this was a very extreme/aggressive reaction? I know I'm opening myself up to some harsh comments here, please can I ask you be kind in your responses - honesty is great, but I've had more than enough aggression and vitriol directed at me today.

OP posts:

notwavingbutsinking · 26/04/2025 12:48

I'm really sorry this happened to you, OP. One of you is a truly terrible driver, and it isn't you.

cryinglaughing · 26/04/2025 12:49

People are dicks.
Ignore her.
I was at a roundabout yesterday when someone went the wrong way round it. We all just waited patiently whilst they manoeuvred off it 🤷🏻‍♀️

We have all had lapses of concentration at times, no harm done, don't beta yourself up about it.

Dollshousedolly · 26/04/2025 12:50

The moral of the story here is not to drive when you are well aware you are exhausted.

There is nothing the other woman can do, there was no accident, it was a near miss. You will just have to put it out of your mind.

FionnulaTheCooler · 26/04/2025 12:50

The other driver was far worse than you. You made a mistake, it happens, from what you've said you didn't actually cause a collision so no harm done. The other driver was a complete dick and made a conscious choice to drive dangerously so a hypocrite as well. I would try not to dwell on it but take it as a sign to be more mindful in the future of the vehicles around you.

Pancakeflipper · 26/04/2025 12:51

You made an error. You know you made the error.
The other driver will also have made errors. They were being an arse. For some reason when we sit in our cars we lose empthay and lose patience.

Don't dwell on it anymore.

Swiftie1878 · 26/04/2025 12:52

We’ve all made mistakes like that, but most of us will have been fortunate enough to have had our apology recognised and accepted.
She’s the problem, not you.
There are idiots everywhere, OP. You just got unlucky that your mistake involved one of them.
Relax - this situation was not on you xx

Glitterblue · 26/04/2025 12:53

I totally understand why you’re feeling shaken up, I don’t know what would make someone react like that, especially when it was clearly an error of judgement and you did things that showed you were apologising. I’ve had countless people pull out in front of me. It’s annoying when they do it and don’t seem to care but I’d still never follow anyone aggressively. It’s totally different if they show they’re sorry - I had to slam the brakes on for an old man who pulled out in front of me at the petrol station, he stopped and immediately put his hand up to say sorry while shaking his head then put his had on his head like 🤦🏻‍♀️ and I felt really sorry for him, he was so sweet.

We all make mistakes and that person will at some point as well. I hope you’re ok.

Karou · 26/04/2025 12:53

Some people are just dicks. You can’t control her behaviour, just take a deep breath and carry on.

saveforthat · 26/04/2025 12:53

Dollshousedolly · 26/04/2025 12:50

The moral of the story here is not to drive when you are well aware you are exhausted.

There is nothing the other woman can do, there was no accident, it was a near miss. You will just have to put it out of your mind.

Yes we have all made mistakes while driving (well I certainly have) but the likely hood of an error when the driver is exhausted must be tenfold. Please don't drive when you are so tired. The other driver was probably aggressive because she had had a proper scare.

DecidedlyUndecided · 26/04/2025 12:54

Mistakes happen - you didn't deserve that reaction. Ultimately she caused a more dangerous situation with her aggressive reaction.

You are in the absolute thick of it with little ones and lack of sleep - sending hugs and solidarity. Please be kind to yourself, it has happened but it is over now and you are all safe. She took the photo to be intimidating, I am sure nothing will come of it. Maybe some grounding techniques might help to bring the anxiety level down?

Mrsttcno1 · 26/04/2025 12:55

Take this as a lesson not to drive when exhausted.

You don’t know if she also had a baby asleep or children in the back of her car. When someone pulls out on you and almost causes a collision it is really scary and it does shake you up. She shouldn’t have behaved the way she did but she was likely also shaken up from a near miss due to no fault of her own.

spottydinosaur · 26/04/2025 12:57

She took a picture whilst driving….?

user31908734289 · 26/04/2025 12:57

People’s personalities change when they get in a car, the mildest mannered person can become a raging ball of fury when they think they’ve been slighted on the roads.
The sooner they are all automated the better!
She will have calmed down now so best to forget about it OP.
However it is, as you've found out, incredibly dangerous to drive when you’re exhausted. My friends partner died when they fell asleep on the motorway and drove into the back of a lorry. Their infant in the back was miraculously unharmed. It’s not worth the risk, to you or other road users.

DappledThings · 26/04/2025 12:57

We all make mistakes. She was an arsehole about it. That's all there is to it.

mummytoonetryingfortwo · 26/04/2025 12:58

You shouldn’t be driving in that condition. It’s incredibly dangerous.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/04/2025 13:00

You shouldn’t be driving if you are exhausted, it’s dangerous which became obvious yesterday when you made an error which could have caused a collision. The other driver over-reacted, but was probably shaken up herself at having to react quickly to avoid hitting you and you don’t know what it going on in her life to make her react like that. That doesn’t mean her behaviour is excusable but you were driving carelessly and if you know you are exhausted then you shouldn’t be driving until you are rested enough to do so safely, especially not with your kids in the car! Research has shown that driving when sleep deprived can be as dangerous as drunk driving! Don’t beat yourself up about this but equally you need to take it as a warning about the dangers of driving tired and not get behind the wheel again when you are exhausted enough you can’t fully concentrate on the road!

Darkmorningsarethepits · 26/04/2025 13:03

Who on earth voted you unreasonable?!

OP forget it. You admitted to yourself you weren’t focusing and no doubt will be extra careful now.

She was a rude aggressive arse. I’m sure she made mistakes in the past just like all humans. She was more likely to cause an accident with the way she behaved than you were.

big hug. Try and get some rest today and be kind to yourself. Parenting small kids is so HARD!!

MightAsWellBeGretel · 26/04/2025 13:05

You made a mistake and apologised. She reacted terribly, especially the intimidatory driving as that could force another mistake or an accident.

If you can get away without driving while you're so sleep deprived,you really should. Stay in or take taxis if you need to be somewhere.

That was a dangerous mistake you made. The other driver reacted horribly and I'm not excusing her behaviour, but sometimes when we feel like our safety has been threatened, fight mode takes over and fear and adrenaline manifest as anger.

albalass · 26/04/2025 13:06

The other driver may have got a real scare/had to take evasive action to avoid a collision - and then acted out in an inappropriate way by intimidating you. It's understandable you were upset. Don't drive while exhausted - your decision making and reaction times will be impaired. My friends recently cancelled a weekend away as it was a 4+ hour drive to get there and they knew they couldn't do it safely as their child had had an awful couple of weeks of sleep and they were utterly exhausted. Disappointing but better to cancel than put themselves and others at risk.

mummytoonetryingfortwo · 26/04/2025 13:06

Darkmorningsarethepits · 26/04/2025 13:03

Who on earth voted you unreasonable?!

OP forget it. You admitted to yourself you weren’t focusing and no doubt will be extra careful now.

She was a rude aggressive arse. I’m sure she made mistakes in the past just like all humans. She was more likely to cause an accident with the way she behaved than you were.

big hug. Try and get some rest today and be kind to yourself. Parenting small kids is so HARD!!

I did, because she is being unreasonable to take a baby in the car when she’s so exhausted she can’t drive safely.

BusyExpert · 26/04/2025 13:07

I pride myself on my driving but we have all made mistakes. If you indicate remorse for an error then the appropriate thing for the other driver to have done is acknowledge it and perhaps steer clear. You made an error but the other driver was intentionally hostile and dangerous. I am sure that the police would have taken a very poor view of their behaviour.
However no-one was hurt, many drivers are arseholes and you need to grow a thicker skin.
Oh and try to get some more sleep. is there no-one around to help you?

Marmaladelade · 26/04/2025 13:07

In fact she was harassing you! Bet she wouldn’t have done it to a man!

faerietales · 26/04/2025 13:09

You shouldn't be driving if you're that exhausted - it's not safe.
She shouldn't be tailgating you and harassing you like she did, but I wonder if she was a bit shaken up and just reacted badly.

I doubt there is a single person out there who has never made a mistake while driving, don't beat yourself up.

Lookingtomakechanges · 26/04/2025 13:09

What a horrible experience for you.
She should not have behaved like that.
And you should not be driving while you are so exhausted. Suppose your babies had been injured, as could easily have happened. Please take this as a wake up call (as it were) and decide to stop immediately, then find other ways of doing the things you normally use the car for until you are safe to drive.

Volpini · 26/04/2025 13:09

I see horrendous, lawless, aggressive driving every day. People tailgating, driving across lanes on the motorway like they’re in Wipeout, driving aggressively… that’s habitual behaviour. A mistake is something completely different. Who hasnt made mistakes when driving? The fact you apologised, realised what had happened, feel dreadfully about it etc shows how seriously you take driving.
The most important thing you can do now is put it behind you. I had 3 years of no sleep when I had my second child. It’s brutal. Take good care of yourself (or the best care it’s possible to right now.)

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