Anxious and upset over driving error

[ExhaustedBeyondBelief22]

First off I want to start by saying I was at fault here - and I hold my hands up and admit that. I'm very fragile at the moment with a 5.5 month old that hasn't slept in weeks and a 3.5 year old who's been ill and in our bed every night too.

I am exhausted and made an error at a roundabout, cutting in front of another driver - I completely misjudged their indication and cut in front of them at the exit. My baby was asleep in the back and I wasn't paying attention. As soon as I realised my mistake I put my hazards on and held my hand up to the mirror in an apology - the driver then proceeded to drive very close to my bumper the whole way down the road, flashing and beeping at me. By this point I was in tears, she then proceeded to pull up alongside me shouting and swearing, took a picture of my car and drove off. I was shaking and very distressed. I pride myself on being a very careful driver and I had tried to apologise as best I could. I'm so upset and feel as though I've been very aggressively harassed. I'm also feeling very anxious and vulnerable about the picture - I don't understand why she took it or what she plans to do with it. I know I was unreasonable in my error, but am I being unreasonable in feeling as though this was a very extreme/aggressive reaction? I know I'm opening myself up to some harsh comments here, please can I ask you be kind in your responses - honesty is great, but I've had more than enough aggression and vitriol directed at me today.

Everyone makes mistakes! When I was a new teenage driver in 2003 I pulled out of a driveway in heavy fog and then drove back in quickly when I realised a car coming down the road was closer than I thought. They stopped in front of me, wound down the window and both shouted and swore at me (middle aged couple in nice car as it happens, so I was shocked). All those years ago I still feel rubbish remembering it. I also followed my satnav the wrong way down a 1 way street past 2 police officers! They were looking in peoples front gardens and ignored me, but I burst into tears! Be gentle with yourself, young kids are HARD work, it gets better x

You made a mistake and the other driver reacted very badly which was understandably upsetting. But you need to understand had you caused an accident the insurance companies and police wouldn't give a shiny shit about your personal circumstances, except to view it very dimly. You just need to accept you made a mistake (god knows we've all done it) and not attempt to minimise it. If you are ever too tired to drive again you need to recognise this and not drive. I had a car written off by a driver who had 101 reasons why she didn't see me. It was terrifying, I had 3 kids in the car and quite frankly I did not care what had caused her to drive into the side of me (and neither did the insurance or police).

I'm so sorry this happened. Some drivers are bloody ignorant. Forget about it, there is nothing that can happen, cutting someone up is rude (and could be dangerous sometimes) but not illegal.

That's not a very helpful comment. OP did not cause an accident and there is no indication one was likely. She missed someone's signal. Are you the woman who took the photo by any chance?

She pulled out on someone on a roundabout, and has admitted herself that her driving was careless as she was too tired to be driving.

Yeah I think a few things come to mind. The first is that if you are that exhausted and not able to drive safely you shouldn’t be driving. It’s not safe for you, your children or others in the road. We’ve all been there with kids and exhaustion but making good choices sometimes means making ones we don’t want to.

You may have made a mistake and that happens but consider if it was reverse and you badly cut off someone with a small child in the car who had to break really hard to avoid you. Now her kid is crying, she is upset and feeling really worried. And now she’s scared.

Her reaction in this instance was uncalled for and unacceptable but unfortunately actions sometimes have consequences. Yeah she overreacted but if it were the other way around how would you feel?

There are no winners here nor is anyone covered in glory. Your description of how you are feeling and what happened makes it seem you are in a very emotional spot and not thinking rationally (still not excusing the other woman’s behaviour).

Thank you for all your kind comments, I appreciate it hugely. I try and not take things to heart but unfortunately it's my nature! I'll be kicking myself about this for a while longer but my DH has also cheered me up. Just to clarify - it was a divide and conquer situation, I didn't have my toddler in the car as husband had taken her out elsewhere to burn off some steam! It upset me most that she could quite clearly see my baby in the back of the car (and sign on back) yet continued to harass and drive dangerously close to me. Her partner was sat next to her and looked incredibly sheepish next to her - he had his head down the whole time! Lesson learnt, here's to a new day (and hopefully more sleep tonight!!). Thank you all! Xx

If exhausted shouldn't really be driving but done get if someone had made a huge mistake or not driving that great your reaction would then to be to drive close to them. Surely you'd give yourself as much space as you can! Know people react differently but even so...risky

She could see your baby in the car, which is probably another reason why she was so angry. You were totally reckless.

I can understand how upset you are OP - big hugs. It’s the last thing you needed.
Recently I was driving down a country road that I’ve used daily for the last 30 years. I know I have right of way when the road narrows ( there’s a give way sign and white lines for the oncoming traffic). I was in a good mood and all of a sudden this woman on the approaching lane, ignored the white line and sign telling her to give way and completely boxed me in and asked me to wind my window down and she had a massive go at me shouting and screaming that . she had right of way. I was very polite and told her I knew the road like the back of my hand but she wouldn’t calm down. The incident just ruined my day. I know it shouldn’t but I got so upset she was so utterly vile to me.
There is no way the other driver should have been so aggressive OP x

She possibly misinterpreted your "sorry" hand gestures as a "wtf are you doing?" and you calling her out as if she nearly pulled into you rather than you nearly pulled into her. If she was shaken up especially.

Still doesn't excuse her driving like a dick. Even if she was trying to warn you to drive more considerately. because dangerous driving and seeing someone has a baby with them is worrying.

The photo may have been as "evidence" should you then cause an accident later so she could remember you/the car if she saw anything about it

You were both unreasonable tbh.

The thing is, yours was an honest mistake but the other driver deliberately chose to drive dangerously! Think no more about it - but if you are seriously lacking sleep and feel very tired don't drive.

Oh ffs what a clown she is.

I see driving mistakes like this everyday.

Her reaction was extreme road rage and you could really report it to the police so she's got some nerve taking photographs of your car!

Yours was an error, hers is bad behaviour. Don't worry about it.

Your experience says far more about the other driver, than it does your mistake.
Even the best drivers make mistakes, be kind to yourself x

Are you honestly saying you've never made a mistake and had a near miss when driving?

She's a rotten bitch. Mistakes happen, don't beat yourself up about it.

This. And the other person was a total dick.

It’s not about being a perfect driver, everybody makes mistakes, but minimising this mistake doesn’t help anybody. It could easily have caused an accident, the other car could also have been an exhausted mum with a baby in the back who got the shock of her life at feeling as if they were seconds away from harm. Has she behaved well- no. But OP did make more than a small mistake here, she got lucky that it wasn’t worse.

As someone who’s had the hospital phone call twice for family members due to careless drivers, minimising cutting someone up on a roundabout as a small mistake is a joke. Acknowledge it was bad, it could have been worse, and be better, but don’t minimise it to make it seem like a small little woopsy.

People can have a "proper scare" when driving. I have, several times, but I've never chased and harrassed another driver down the road. And its certainly no excuse to behave in an agressive and dangerous way.

OP, it's highly likely that the other driver has a much worse driving record than you if this is an example of their behaviour.
You made a mistake but no one was injured and no damage done.
Try not to worry about it.

I'd also recommend getting one of those cameras which records front and back... because then you'd have some evidence in future.

I do agree that people shouldn’t be driving when so exhausted

Gary Hurt drove when he was sleep-deprived, and this resulted in 10 killed and 82 injured. No one should be driving in a state of exhaustion.

You made a mistake, that could have caused a nasty accident. She was scared by your mistake and reacted badly. Everyone is in the wrong here.

Hope your little ones are better soon. It is exhausting when it's like this.

It's not dissimilar to driving drunk. Being exhausted affects decision making, risk assessment, and reaction times.

"Tiredness kills" isn't just about falling asleep.

If she was concerned about the baby, she wouldn't have driven so close to the OP's car, surely?

She was rightfully annoyed by OP being reckless. Was she wrong to follow her? Sure. But OP is the one who’s majorly in the wrong here.