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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting a lie-in

64 replies

GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:26

I’m actually not sure if I am being unreasonable and probably need to be told to just get up!

I work very long hours Mon-Fri (get up 5am, arrive home 6 normally but this week is was 8.30 for two nights running). DH also works full time but he works from home, with breaks and an hour lunch everyday during which he goes to the gym. He takes our two DC to primary school, walks the dog, puts loads of washing in around his day so he does help a lot at home too. When I am home, which is weekend and all of the holidays (I work in education), I do everything. Overall he will end up doing more of the house stuff but I am the higher earner by a lot too. Sundays I get up early with the DC, make pancakes and do their homework etc while DH sleeps in.

Anyway, on a Saturday morning I ask for a lie in and I’m meaning until 9am ideally. Every single Saturday DH gets up with DC at 7, does breakfast and goes to the gym. They then immediately run up and jump on me to get up, so I have to. Then DH comes home at 9am and says he told them not to wake me up. But they do. He told me to tell them to go and watch TV and keep sleeping but they’re 67 and 9 and will NOT stop talking at me, asking things, bringing me things… I can’t.

DH says he feels suffocated by my working hours (I understand) and he wants his time. I completely understand that and don’t mind him too no to the gym but he won’t go later in the day. 9-1 we are both wrangling sports clubs with the kids and he doesn’t want to train after lunch.

ive told him to do the sports clubs himself this morning as I am so tired and due on my period, feels awwwwful. I’ve had a long bath alone and will go and make lunch for everyone now to rejoin.

Tell me honestly, am I being unreasonable in expecting to sleep in on a Saturday?

OP posts:
Original poster
GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:27

Sorry one is 6 nearly 7 not 67

OP posts:
TheLurpackYears · 26/04/2025 11:28

Your children are 6, 7 and 9 and your husband effectively leaves them unsupervised because he expects them to leave you to sleep?
He's being an arse.

pinkyredrose · 26/04/2025 11:29

Put a wedge under the door so they can't come in.

Seriously they're old enough to understand that you don't want to be disturbed. Can't they watch tv by themselves?

rubyslippers · 26/04/2025 11:29

You are absolutely not being unreasonable
your DH has an easier working week with time at home and time for himself
your hours are long and you are the higher earner
a paltry lie in on a Saturday is deserved

rubyslippers · 26/04/2025 11:30

And putting a load of washing on when you have an hours lunch break is not a big deal - it’s not superhuman
does he really feel suffocated ?! He’s a total fucking drama queen

TheAmusedQuail · 26/04/2025 11:31

Do the same thing on his Sunday lie it. Sort the kids and the house, then go out for a walk. Let them wake him up 2 or 3 weeks in a row and then wait until he dares complain. Tell him it's YOUR exercise time and you don't need to be flexible on when you do it, because he isn't either.

You do work long hours. So do plenty of men. The alternative is he looks for a job earning much more and allowing you to reduce your hours.

He benefits from your higher pay but doesn't like the fact that in effect makes him the woman in the home.

Vaxtable · 26/04/2025 11:31

It’s simple either he forgoes gym on the Saturday to keep an eye on the kids or he goes later or not at all. Or you do the same to him in the Sunday, get up go out without the kids and let them do to him what they do to you

TinkleTheIvories · 26/04/2025 11:33

He has lots of time to himself. He goes to the gym during his lunch hour and, yes he is working, but he is doing it from home with no commuting and a stress free environment. He needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and forego his Saturday gym session so you can have a lie-in

CatRescueNeeded · 26/04/2025 11:35

Why don’t you just switch, so DH gets his time on a Saturday morning until (to lie in or go to the gym as he chooses) and you get the same in Sunday morning?

Cosycover · 26/04/2025 11:38

I'd let them wake him up tomorrow.

Btowngirl · 26/04/2025 11:41

9am seems like lunch time to me but we are a 0530-0600 family every day 😂 what time do the kids get up?

Original poster
GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:42

@CatRescueNeeded I don’t really want to switch because if I don’t sleep in on the Saturday, I’m tired from work anll Saturday until my lie in on the Sunday and I want to feel fresh for the weekend. I like to reset and wake up Saturday morning feeling better and get the full two days back.

I think I’m going to get my bike out of the garage now ready for a long ride tomorrow morning at 7am…

OP posts:
Original poster
GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:43

@Btowngirl im up at 5am 5 days a week too. The DC are up at 7

OP posts:
Btowngirl · 26/04/2025 11:45

GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:43

@Btowngirl im up at 5am 5 days a week too. The DC are up at 7

I hear you it’s a slog! Since you’re DC aren’t up at the crack of dawn your husband should just go once you are up at 9am or could he got at half 5/6 and be back for when the kids get up? Does he lie in on a Sunday?

Original poster
GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:50

Yes I might suggest that he goes earlier. He has a much more regular sleeping pattern. He gets up daily at 7.00 or 7.30 if the DC sleep a bit longer. Sunday is his lie-in but he will often get up by 8am and get on the peloton / go and faff about upstairs / do weights in our home gym or whatever. I’m up with the DC on the Sunday. Then we all go out together after 9.

OP posts:
Fabulousagain · 26/04/2025 11:51

I cant remember the last time i got out of bed at 5-6 or 7 am this morning i rolled out at 9:45am.

StellaShining · 26/04/2025 11:52

YANBU at all, I’m not surprised you need a lie in! He goes to the gym at lunch time during the week, but doesn’t want to go an hour or two later on a Saturday? Either he goes later or just doesn’t go on Saturday, as he’s going during the week as well.

Original poster
GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:56

@StellaShining yes he goes every day. We have bloody equipment at home too so he could work out here and leave the TV on or something and get the DC to bring him their pictures and interrupt him until 9am on the Saturday, then I’ll take over. But he wants to go to the bigger better equipment at the gym down the road and I’m TIRED. I think I’m just crabby as I’m due on my period and bloated and sore.

OP posts:
rwalker · 26/04/2025 12:01

StellaShining · 26/04/2025 11:52

YANBU at all, I’m not surprised you need a lie in! He goes to the gym at lunch time during the week, but doesn’t want to go an hour or two later on a Saturday? Either he goes later or just doesn’t go on Saturday, as he’s going during the week as well.

He had a dinner hour like everyone one else think it a bit unfair to throw that at him if he chooses to go to the gym in it it’s down to him
as for no commute he’s doing together school run

StellaShining · 26/04/2025 12:05

@GlowyJelly you've got every right to be crabby! You’re right, he could do a home workout or he could go later if he wants to use the big equipment. There’s simple solutions that he’s refusing to take to give you a break! I think you should sack off the pancakes and go out for the next few Sunday mornings and let him deal with the chaos

Darkambergingerlily · 26/04/2025 12:07

If he ruins your lie in, you ruin his lie in. Simples

should be one day each to the same time (9am?)

Original poster
GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 12:07

He does the school run every morning and collects them three of the days too. The other two days their Grandma collects and they do clubs. He’s a great dad, really great. I just want to sleeeeeep on a Saturday that’s all, no other arguments. I’m a great mum too though, I do my share - plus my salary pays for a lot. I just took us all away on a lovely holiday over Easter, he didn’t book, organise or pay for a thing. He wouldn’t have this house without my wage. I’m do my share!

OP posts:
OneFineDay13 · 26/04/2025 12:08

TheLurpackYears · 26/04/2025 11:28

Your children are 6, 7 and 9 and your husband effectively leaves them unsupervised because he expects them to leave you to sleep?
He's being an arse.

This - he is at it.
Of course tbey are going to come and wake you up. He is being a selfish knob

ilovemyhamster · 26/04/2025 12:13

Ask him to go to the gym at 9. Sorted. It's all about partnership and helping each other. What you both earn is pretty irrelevant in this though.

ClareBlue · 26/04/2025 12:16

TheAmusedQuail · 26/04/2025 11:31

Do the same thing on his Sunday lie it. Sort the kids and the house, then go out for a walk. Let them wake him up 2 or 3 weeks in a row and then wait until he dares complain. Tell him it's YOUR exercise time and you don't need to be flexible on when you do it, because he isn't either.

You do work long hours. So do plenty of men. The alternative is he looks for a job earning much more and allowing you to reduce your hours.

He benefits from your higher pay but doesn't like the fact that in effect makes him the woman in the home.

Edited

It doesn't make him 'the women in the home'
What ridiculous thing to say. It makes him what he is. A Dad to 2 children and a husband who works from home and earns a lower income.
I don't think it's unreasonable at all to facilitate a lie in for a partner that works those hours during the week. Why wouldn't you.

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