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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting a lie-in

64 replies

GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:26

I’m actually not sure if I am being unreasonable and probably need to be told to just get up!

I work very long hours Mon-Fri (get up 5am, arrive home 6 normally but this week is was 8.30 for two nights running). DH also works full time but he works from home, with breaks and an hour lunch everyday during which he goes to the gym. He takes our two DC to primary school, walks the dog, puts loads of washing in around his day so he does help a lot at home too. When I am home, which is weekend and all of the holidays (I work in education), I do everything. Overall he will end up doing more of the house stuff but I am the higher earner by a lot too. Sundays I get up early with the DC, make pancakes and do their homework etc while DH sleeps in.

Anyway, on a Saturday morning I ask for a lie in and I’m meaning until 9am ideally. Every single Saturday DH gets up with DC at 7, does breakfast and goes to the gym. They then immediately run up and jump on me to get up, so I have to. Then DH comes home at 9am and says he told them not to wake me up. But they do. He told me to tell them to go and watch TV and keep sleeping but they’re 67 and 9 and will NOT stop talking at me, asking things, bringing me things… I can’t.

DH says he feels suffocated by my working hours (I understand) and he wants his time. I completely understand that and don’t mind him too no to the gym but he won’t go later in the day. 9-1 we are both wrangling sports clubs with the kids and he doesn’t want to train after lunch.

ive told him to do the sports clubs himself this morning as I am so tired and due on my period, feels awwwwful. I’ve had a long bath alone and will go and make lunch for everyone now to rejoin.

Tell me honestly, am I being unreasonable in expecting to sleep in on a Saturday?

OP posts:
faerietales · 26/04/2025 13:20

Everydayimhuffling · 26/04/2025 13:18

He could TEACH them not to wake you up, but in order to do that he has to be there. He needs to stay until they can successfully do that, not force you to be the bad guy or to have to be woken up repeatedly.

Go out tomorrow morning at 7, but don't make a big deal of it in case they actually do leave him alone.

The problem is that he can't make them do it when he's not around. They may well leave her alone when their dad is home, but as soon as he leaves, all bets are off, really. He can't parent or give consequences when he's not in the house.

homeedmam · 26/04/2025 13:23

faerietales · 26/04/2025 13:20

The problem is that he can't make them do it when he's not around. They may well leave her alone when their dad is home, but as soon as he leaves, all bets are off, really. He can't parent or give consequences when he's not in the house.

Show quote history

You can definitely still be in control of your kids when they are not physically with you though - he needs to put very clear expectations in place before he leaves and consequences for misbehaviour, and both parents need to be on the same page.

faerietales · 26/04/2025 13:25

homeedmam · 26/04/2025 13:23

You can definitely still be in control of your kids when they are not physically with you though - he needs to put very clear expectations in place before he leaves and consequences for misbehaviour, and both parents need to be on the same page.

Show quote history

OP says he does give them expectations and tells them not to disturb her.

The issue is that young children need immediate consequences, not dad coming home in several hours and telling them off, so OP has to be the one to enforce the expectations.

Sharptonguedwoman · 26/04/2025 13:26

GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:42

@CatRescueNeeded I don’t really want to switch because if I don’t sleep in on the Saturday, I’m tired from work anll Saturday until my lie in on the Sunday and I want to feel fresh for the weekend. I like to reset and wake up Saturday morning feeling better and get the full two days back.

I think I’m going to get my bike out of the garage now ready for a long ride tomorrow morning at 7am…

Envious of any capacity to lie in. Body clock wakes me within 10 minutes of the time I should be getting up. 7 days a week. That doesn't help you, OP sorry. Go for that bike ride.

Endofyear · 26/04/2025 16:38

I was a SAHM and DH worked away in the week. We took turns at the weekend to do lie ins because that's only fair. You need to tell DH that he has the kids on a Saturday morning so you can have a lie in and it's non-negotiable. He is being unfair.

ilovemyhamster · 26/04/2025 19:20

I hope you get your lie in sorted OP. Parenting is relentless and exhausting!

Tbrh · 26/04/2025 22:16

Surely the solution is tell your kids not to wake you? It's your choice allowing it, they are old enough to be able to occupy themselves for an hour

TheAmusedQuail · 27/04/2025 09:32

ClareBlue · 26/04/2025 12:16

It doesn't make him 'the women in the home'
What ridiculous thing to say. It makes him what he is. A Dad to 2 children and a husband who works from home and earns a lower income.
I don't think it's unreasonable at all to facilitate a lie in for a partner that works those hours during the week. Why wouldn't you.

Show quote history

I agree! I was pointing out that he thinks this role is degrading and hence is pushing back. I don't think it's degrading. It's just life.

TheAmusedQuail · 27/04/2025 09:34

GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 11:56

@StellaShining yes he goes every day. We have bloody equipment at home too so he could work out here and leave the TV on or something and get the DC to bring him their pictures and interrupt him until 9am on the Saturday, then I’ll take over. But he wants to go to the bigger better equipment at the gym down the road and I’m TIRED. I think I’m just crabby as I’m due on my period and bloated and sore.

You really aren't just crabby! You're tired. And a longer sleep when it's a 2 parent family really isn't too much to ask.

Purplesy · 27/04/2025 10:14

OP, consider booking into a hotel for a night to get some decent rest and tell him it will be a regular thing.

YOU need to mind your health. He clearly couldn't give a damn.

Comtesse · 27/04/2025 10:32

Why does he need to go to the gym so often?

Why does his need to exercise for the 6th time that week outweigh your one and only chance to sleep in? A sense of proportion would not go amiss.

Do you get equivalent time to exercise? I bet you do not.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 27/04/2025 10:35

Children that age should be able to follow instructions to stay downstairs and watch TV for an hour or so. My DD has been doing that since she was 4/5 years old. They need to learn that parents need to sleep and rest as well and there are other people in the house and they can't be selfish and wake people up

TheHerboriste · 27/04/2025 10:48

GlowyJelly · 26/04/2025 12:07

He does the school run every morning and collects them three of the days too. The other two days their Grandma collects and they do clubs. He’s a great dad, really great. I just want to sleeeeeep on a Saturday that’s all, no other arguments. I’m a great mum too though, I do my share - plus my salary pays for a lot. I just took us all away on a lovely holiday over Easter, he didn’t book, organise or pay for a thing. He wouldn’t have this house without my wage. I’m do my share!

Book yourself into a hotel on Friday nights and roll up about noon on Saturday.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 27/04/2025 11:04
  1. I agree with PPs, your children should be able to understand what not waking you up means.
  2. Tell your DH that you will wake him up on Sunday at the same time the children woke you up on the Saturday - that might motivate him to make sure they let you sleep!
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