To think kids move schools too much

[wakingimpossible]

Ok, I know there are lots of reasons for children to change schools- bullying, poor standards, relocation etc, but aside from this, I just can’t believe the amount of moving around that has gone on at DDs schools. I’m talking about primary and secondary (for transparency, this is in the private system and I don’t know if it’s the same at state). It’s not something I ever experienced as a child - indeed I basically had the same classmates aged 4-12 and 12-18.

In year 6 the class of 20 had about 8 original pupils from reception remaining, and it looks to be going the same way in secondary. Many of these pupils have just gone to another school in the same town or nearby.

Parents seem to whip their kids out for all sorts of reasons - friendship issues that would likely resolve in time, not liking a particular teacher, getting specific bees in their bonnets about eg sport, school trips, the lunch offering - maybe thinking maybe that the grass is greener. But no school is perfect.

DD has gone to just one school for primary and secondary and, yes, it’s not always been smooth sailing. We’ve weathered friendship problems, bad heads, low level bullying, less than brilliant teachers and disruptive classmates. Of course, I know I am lucky that these have been largely surmountable and of course I would move her if she/I was genuinely happy over an extended period. But, in general, I’ve found that most things do work themselves out over the course of one school year.

Each to their own, I know, but I can’t help but feel this has a negative effect on the school community and is setting a poor example to children about resilience, figuring things out and seeing things through.

Preparing to be flamed but please don’t think I’m getting at people whose kids have been genuinely miserable and needed to leave. I’m just wondering if parents need to consider whether problems/gripes should be worked through a bit more.

Both mine at independent
and it happens rarely and only due to change in financial circumstances that I have been aware of

I’m guessing if lots of movement in your school, it’s for issues that you’re not aware of

parents aren’t generally inclined to make their children’s lives difficult unless they have reason to. So if they take this decision, I’d trust they have thought about it and know more detail behind it all than… you

Not something we’ve experienced in either primary or secondary (state) - a few kids have moved around for various reasons, but nothing on that scale. So can’t comment, other than perhaps if people are paying for schooling, they may be more likely to have a different way of feeling empowered to get what they want? It might be just chance as well, or might be something about the school you’re at.

Definitely not my experience of state primary school - son is in year 6. Started with about 30 kids. Of those, I would say at least 25-26 are still in his class. Very similar for my daughter a few years ago.
Daughter is now at private secondary (moved her from state secondary after 2 years of problems). Her year is relatively unchanged and most are staying onto sixth form.

People are now more willing to look critically at schools and realise that it’s not working for their child. They then have the sense to seek a better fit.

Add to that the number who was a specific offering/subject/location and didn’t get it (or know it was available) at the ‘great lottery’ of school allocations, and it makes for a fair bit of movement.

Then there are all the house moves, country moves, etc.

I do wonder if things would be better if we just got rid of league tables and performance results and made it impossible to swap schools (unless you chose to go to an independent school, obviously).

Most people I know just want decent, local primary and secondary schools. The current system benefits sharp-elbowed middle class parents, those with money, and nobody else.

If a parent has an issue with another school parent the suggestion is to move the children to another school, they suggestion is used for every single issue

In DDs state school I'd say about 24/30 have been there from Reception. There have been a few that joined and didn't stay long. Most moved due to house moves. 2 went to other local schools, but I know one of these had wanted the other school originally but didn't get in.

i had a form in a secondary school of 30 boys and by the end of yr 11 only 12 of them were from the original class that started with me. Some had joined in yr 8 or 9 but then left to go to yet another school.

What did you think of the school?

Mine are at independent schools. Very transient, families moving abroad/back home etc.

My older DC started out at a private school, we’re still in touch with a few parents there, and the school they went to certainly had a similar pupil turnover at primary level. There were a variety of reasons for leaving that I’m aware of, and none of them involved pulling children out on a whim. I suspect that the minor issues you’re talking about would be more of a last straw issue for the parents in question than the main reason for pulling a child out.

The state primary school my DC subsequently went to had a much lower pupil turnover rate, and most cases of pupils starting / leaving there were down to house moves.

I do think that parents step in far too soon for friendship issues etc now. What once would have blown over in a couple of days if left to the children and teachers can now rumble on for ages. Parents are in school complaining about bullying, the children know this and then in a few days when they would have possibly made friends again they have the dilemma of going against what their parents have told them or staff have been instructed by parents to keep them away from each other. Navigating falling out with others is part of growing up.

Whilst my experience is not of huge movement between schools as you describe, it has certainly increased and is now threatened a lot.

I think it’s great that parents are actively involved in their children’s lives but for some it is at the extreme and threatens to damage their children’s development. A small number of parents don’t want their children to ever feel sad, disappointed etc and they are willing to vocally take on the world to stop it happening. As a mum I know it’s not nice witnessing my child upset, but I also know it’s part of life and I need to help them be resilient and not shield them from everything.

It’s a funny old world at the moment.

Just as a comparison, do you think people move jobs now more than they used to. Back in the dim and distant past when I started work, it was considered a job for life. Everyone started at the bottom and worked their way up through promotion. You only have to look at threads on MN to see that people look for new jobs on a regular basis because of problems at work. Back in the day we just put up and shut up. Now people won't tolerate any sh*t. They move on.
So I guess the same translates into how they deal with their children. And particularly in the private school sector where they are paying handsomely for the best for their child. But I also know many who have moved their children in the State sector mainly due to issues around bullying which they don't think the school dealt with. There are only 2 state Secondary schools in my area and children move between them both for the same reasons. Make of that what you will! Neither are considered to be bad schools.

8 children have left my child's school by year 2 as the violence from other kids is so bad. Fortunately my child isn't a target. This is a mainstream school.

Definitely not our experience in state primary. My oldest daughter joined her class mid reception after we moved. About 20 of the children have remained the same, I think 4 left and about 6 joined in last 5 years (now end of year 4). All leavers but one we're due to families moving area. 1 move was a parent who believed she could never do any wrong while she was hitting others on a daily basis, and then took objection when a teacher held her daughters arms to stop her further hurting a child whose nose she had broken.

Youngest in year 2 - 1 child left to move to special school and 1 for a geographical move. 2 joined due to moving into area.

Excessive moves are a reflection on the standard of the school I think

I only went to 1 school in my life. Started just before my 5th birthday and left after 'A' Levels.
Of course it was a fee-paying school (but highly selective).
Pupils were asked to leave at various stages, when it was identified/established that they would not meet the academic standards - and before anyone gets "outraged" at this, pupils were not slung out, tarred and feathered, but it was gently suggested that they might benefit more from a less academically rigorous environment.
Socially a very broad range, all based on ability.
No bullying, as far as I was aware.
However, we were not "consumers" as is the case today. We were aware that we were very lucky/privileged to be able to benefit from an excellent education.

My oldest child went to the same primary school as my younger kids. He is a few years older. The school was excellent with head teachers that were strict but kind and did not tolerate bullying. It came up high in the academic ratings and was known to be the best primary school in the city.

As my oldest was in his final couple of years of primary a new head teacher took over and within a year the school had falling academics and the start of a serious bullying problem. 3 years later the school has a horrific bullying problem which the head teacher outright denies and is rated one of the lowest schools academically in Scotland. It's well known to be a terrible school.

One of my children is being so badly bullied we are having to move them schools because the head teacher won't deal with it. He is the 6th child in 18 months that has had to be moved to a different school because of bullying from his year which only had 25 to start with. There are another 1 child awaiting confirmation of a move in his year to.

You will probably find that there is huge issues in those schools you are unaware of because most parents don't just move there kids schools on a whim.

I have three DCs, two now grown up & the youngest in a state secondary school. I can’t say we’ve seen a huge amount of movement apart from families moving out of the area.

I wonder if it’s more common in private education as parents are unwilling to pay high fees for a year of a teacher they don’t rate highly? Or to carry on paying for a school where their child is unhappy due to friendship issues?

This has been going on for years: I am in SE London and at my DD’s primary we saw masses of parents moving out to the suburbs half way through primary.

At one point there were just 17 kids in my DD’s class at a (London state) primary because so many parents took them out to move. It stabilized a bit by year 6.

I think it’s the classic flight to the suburbs with people convincing themselves their kids will do better outside the cities (although there’s no evidence for this). It’s as old as the hills.

Yes I had this in private prep school. Some moves were for house moves but lots were because the school was in an area of highly selective schools and parents felt that their children, mainly aged about 5 or 6 weren’t being pushed enough. I never felt this and funnily enough the kids who stayed all the way through ended up at the same excellent universities with the kids who apparently weren’t pushed enough at the age of 5

We were state educated. I had half a dozen schools because my dad’s job kept moving us. Determined to do things differently for my own kids, but if they had a school as awful as my last one I’d move them elsewhere. Sometimes it looks lovely on a walk around and it’s not until you’re really in it that you see how awful it is in my experience 😂

Interesting and yes these are London schools, I wonder if it's more prevalent here? The schools themselves are considered good. DDs primary quite sought after. The secondary is mid-high ranking on league tables so I wonder if some find it not academic enough or indeed the opposite as decide to move on. I just find it sad really, DD has formed some incredible friendships only to see that person disappear. In primary, her entire friendship group of four, except her, left in year 4! Some of the children she knows are on their third or fourth school.

Not our experience at all. Both went to one Primary from 4 till 11 then one High from 11 and stayed there. Both state schools.

A couple of DC might have been swapped in each class but was usually through Parents relocating due to work. We do live on a fairly naice area though with a very nurturing primary and a High that gets excellent results.

I think there is also an element of FOMO especially in private schools. If one parent decides to move to another school it sets the thinking cogs in motion and other parents start to question their choice and move their kids. Then other parents who are happy with the school start thinking there must be something wrong and so question it etc etc.