To think kids move schools too much

[wakingimpossible]

Ok, I know there are lots of reasons for children to change schools- bullying, poor standards, relocation etc, but aside from this, I just can’t believe the amount of moving around that has gone on at DDs schools. I’m talking about primary and secondary (for transparency, this is in the private system and I don’t know if it’s the same at state). It’s not something I ever experienced as a child - indeed I basically had the same classmates aged 4-12 and 12-18.

In year 6 the class of 20 had about 8 original pupils from reception remaining, and it looks to be going the same way in secondary. Many of these pupils have just gone to another school in the same town or nearby.

Parents seem to whip their kids out for all sorts of reasons - friendship issues that would likely resolve in time, not liking a particular teacher, getting specific bees in their bonnets about eg sport, school trips, the lunch offering - maybe thinking maybe that the grass is greener. But no school is perfect.

DD has gone to just one school for primary and secondary and, yes, it’s not always been smooth sailing. We’ve weathered friendship problems, bad heads, low level bullying, less than brilliant teachers and disruptive classmates. Of course, I know I am lucky that these have been largely surmountable and of course I would move her if she/I was genuinely happy over an extended period. But, in general, I’ve found that most things do work themselves out over the course of one school year.

Each to their own, I know, but I can’t help but feel this has a negative effect on the school community and is setting a poor example to children about resilience, figuring things out and seeing things through.

Preparing to be flamed but please don’t think I’m getting at people whose kids have been genuinely miserable and needed to leave. I’m just wondering if parents need to consider whether problems/gripes should be worked through a bit more.

It might be different in private (I only have experience with state schools), but I'd be very concerned by that level of movement.

One year the school I teach in had a huge level of movement due to a particular issue with bullying in that year group that wasn't picked up on properly. It hasn't happened before or since. It was a specific circumstantial issue to do with staffing, I think, that led to the issue.

That level of movement suggests a problem to me.

How dare you assume parents who move their DC to another school are not considering whether the issue can be worked through or not?! You aren’t giving advice, you’re judging other parents without walking a mile in their shoes.

and this setting a poor example to children about resilience, figuring things out and seeing things through.

It takes resilience to move to another school and start over. It’s not a poor example to show DC that if an environment is toxic you can leave and go somewhere better. Seeing things through isn’t always the best option.

Perhaps they wanted to get away from judgey people like the op

Sounds like there are issues with the school? I’m in London and apart from some families moving out, this isn’t something I’ve heard of?

I had a terrible time constantly moving schools as a kid. No reason other than my mum just couldn’t get her shit together after the divorce.

I went to 5 different primary schools and two different secondary schools. One thing I made sure of when I had kids was that they’d stay in one bloody school

If its a private school then there's probably an element of parents feeling like they are paying for a service and taking their business elsewhere.

When you go to state school you aren't thinking about value for money, you're thinking of practical stuff like how close the next school is, whether it is more disruptive to the child than the benefits, less likely to move away for work or run into cost issues.

I wonder if rural schools has less movement (other than house moves). Nearest school for us about 500 yards, next nearest, 4 miles and a car journey. Would only move in a very serious circumstance. If we had more options within walking distance, we'd be more likely to move if needed to.

I'd discourage school movement in general - if so, do it at key stage change.

I was a RAF brat so had been to nine different schools by the time I left education. DS on the other hand went to two schools, one primary and one secondary. I think I’m far more resilient than him.

Although he’s still good friends with a couple of the boys he met on his first day in reception and I’ve lost touch with pretty much all my school friends now.

I hear you. We were at a London prep and exactly the same thing. We started with 13 children in reception and by mid year 2, DS was the only original pupil still there! So sad. He adapted well to the newcomers and he didn’t know any different, so he was fine, but I was surprised. Lots of house movers and some were on waiting lists for certain state schools and moved as soon as a place came up mid year. We had joiners to the school, mostly transfers in from state schools where the parents were unhappy for their child. Very different at senior school, everything settled by then.

There's a family in our village and the kids had worked their way through all 4 local primary schools by the age of about 9 - went up to the main local secondary and the mum spent a lot of time on the local FB group whining about it and now - shocker - the younger one is being homeschooled.

Yes ok so not every school suits every child but you move that much a) your kid is probably really unsettled and b) you start to be the common denominator in this so maybe it's you?

They haven't ever moved house so it's not that - mum is one of those "oh my son is getting detention just for breathing" types which I find amusing as my son is the same year, was at the same school and has never had detention so they can't be that unnecessarily strict 🙄

She strikes me as just a moaner who's little darlings can do no wrong. I feel for the kids being dragged all over and never settling in and god help the one being homeschooled for his GCSEs......

I’d agree with that point about thinking about value for money.

If a parent’s not happy about something at a private school, then the knowledge that they’re paying a substantial amount of money to the school is likely to lend extra weight to their concerns about whatever it is they’re unhappy with.

In private schools parents have the ability to vote with their feet if they are dissatisfied. If so many kids have left outside the usual change points (year 3, year 7) and it’s not because the parents have moved away or for financial reasons, that suggests the school has a problem.

My kids school is the opposite. They do know there is a huge bullying problem but still deny it so parents including me are voting with their feet and are removing their kids.

In my neck of the woods, (NE England) most of the secondary schools go from 11-16. The exceptions are a SEND school, a formerly private school and an RC school, all of which have sixth forms. College is a big thing here and September sees the annual exodus of huge numbers of young people to the sixth form establishment and the big tertiary college, or one of the ones further away in Teesside or Durham. Young people without actual jobs to go to (there are very few good ones for them at that age) and wanting a life after school have to sign up for college; the prospect of going from 11-18 in the same place is a rarity for most of them.

Well, I think its pretty obvious that private school families have more options to move their children so issues at state schools have to get pretty extreme before you move them. I looked into moving ds from his state school and my god, the hoops?!?!?

As for why people move, I think you are being a bit disingenuous. If you can afford private school, then the chances are you are expecting that school to deliver in all the ways that matter to you. So if it is not in one or more areas, you may consider a move. A woman i know told me once she was moving to private school because she felt she would get more control, for example. Another tried a school a bit further out because it ticked all their boxes, but knew the distance might become an issue which it did. But her and her ds agreed to try the first choice school first, knowing they had the option to move if it didn't work (it didn't- he's now at the local achool). As a state school parent i simply don't have that option. Dd toyed with attempting a grammar school place at a school that we knew would be a bit of a problem to get to but ultimately we didn't do it because if it didn't work, the process of moving her out woukd have been so difficult.

Another family I know swapped schools due to the sport options. I imagine academics and curriculum are regular choices.

I only know one parent who removed her child (private school) because of social/teacher issues and in her case, her reasons were so valid she actually considered reporting the school and personally I think she should have.

I’ve taught (primary) for over 30 years and can’t say this is a general issue OP. I suspect it’s just your experience at a particular school.

A lot more people rent than they used to, which can in turn mean people move around more and it's harder to find properties in the same location

If my children were in private and there was lots of movement I’d be concerned. But also money gives people more choices so to me it’s not surprising if it happens more often in private education. I can also understand the mindset that if you’re paying for something it’s got to be close to perfect for your child.

FWIW I was privately educated

Often at private schools a cohort will leave en masse, because the parents talk together and decide the school has fallen out of favour for some reason. So a big group of PTA mums or similar will all remove the children together. It can coincide with gossip about the school online as well.

I moved my dc from our state primary for a job move overseas. Then a few years later I moved them back again and miraculously got them back into the same over subscribed school. Everyone survived and thrived actually.

My kids have had very little movement in state (I have a Y7, Y5 and Y2) but my SIL has moved her children (Y3 and Y1) 3 times, all private. Once was because they moved but not sure about other 2 times.

Quit frankly the comment from state school parents are irrelevant as a completely different system. We live in a rural area but 3 private schools within 3 miles. When parents get choice some move them at a whim and many have done all 3, spoken to friends who are teachers in the schools who say what a disaster this is. All kids in all 3 school pretty much know each other so kids settle really quickly, we made the decision not to move even when we had issues as didn’t believe multiple moves were a good ideas, although moved our child at end of year 6 not leaving him there until year 8. However when you are paying that much if things aren’t right you are going to at least considering moving.

We are in private and there a lot of movement between k-grade 3-4. One of the major reasons is kids didn’t get Into the first choice school so the family tried in the few years after and eventually got in; or family had another kid and with the new number of kids they can’t pay private for all. Some relocations too.

I know a lot of children from a range of backgrounds.

Some move around a lot due to their parents' work. One moved because they were deeply unhappy and moving schools genuinely made a huge difference.
One state primary I know has a massive exodus in Year 3 when the kids move to independent prep schools.
I find there's a lot more moving around in private schools because there is more choice and flexibility. And, in my experience, there's a bigger international community who may have to travel back and forth a lot.

One child I know has been to about 3 different state primaries, all within the same county. Her mum is just restlesss. She's obviously desperate to make her child happy but doesn't quite know how to go about it. School.is not actually the issue but focussing the energy there is easier than addressing the actual root.

IMO, the ideal is one school but if you have the money and ability to avoid "bad heads" or to give your child.more opportunities elsewhere then I don't see a huge problem.

The joys of short term rental lets