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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So sad

67 replies

Niceandsleazy · 25/04/2025 23:49

Well I’ve had a good life. But here I am with no friends and no social life. Is this a normal part of getting older?

OP posts:
TheSlantedOwl · 25/04/2025 23:52

Sorry to hear you’re sad. How old are you? Do you want to devote time to making new connections? It take concerted effort.

stayathomer · 25/04/2025 23:54

My mil and sil have just joined a women’s shed. They have discounted classes, walks, day trips, they do crafts and cooking and have book groups. It sounds like so much fun!

Original poster
Niceandsleazy · 30/04/2025 22:14

Why does anyone think a general question is reasonable or not? I didn’t ask for a
vote, I was starting a discussion. It is difficult to get out of a rut. Especially as you age.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/04/2025 22:15

You enabled the voting OP

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/04/2025 22:16

Actually ignore that, i have no idea if you enabled it or if its automatic on aibu

Screamingabdabz · 30/04/2025 22:17

How old are you? I think that’s relevant.

Original poster
Niceandsleazy · 30/04/2025 22:17

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/04/2025 22:16

Actually ignore that, i have no idea if you enabled it or if its automatic on aibu

No idea. I’m crap at techie stuff

OP posts:
Flamingoknees · 30/04/2025 22:18

How old are you OP? Are you fit and well? Are you looking for suggestions as to how to find new friends?

Original poster
Niceandsleazy · 30/04/2025 22:18

Screamingabdabz · 30/04/2025 22:17

How old are you? I think that’s relevant.

Not old enough to retire and old enough to ache

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 30/04/2025 22:20

I think sometimes you get out what you put in?

I'm mid 40s, rarely keep in touch with anyone from school now. Colleague friendships come and go, I also spend time with DD and her kids.

If I wanted to find activities to do with someone I could. If I wanted to find someone to go for a drink with them I could. If I wanted someone to go on a weeks holiday with I'd not have anyone.

Anonymouseposter · 30/04/2025 22:21

I think there’s a stage in mid life when everyone is busy and it can be difficult to make connections but I have made some very good friends since retiring so I don’t think it’s part of getting older.

Original poster
Niceandsleazy · 30/04/2025 22:21

Poppyseeds79 · 30/04/2025 22:20

I think sometimes you get out what you put in?

I'm mid 40s, rarely keep in touch with anyone from school now. Colleague friendships come and go, I also spend time with DD and her kids.

If I wanted to find activities to do with someone I could. If I wanted to find someone to go for a drink with them I could. If I wanted someone to go on a weeks holiday with I'd not have anyone.

You’re a lot younger than I .

OP posts:
feelingbleh · 30/04/2025 22:45

It doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be have a look at local clubs/ hobbies etc. Or look into social prescribing.

BumbleBeegu · 30/04/2025 22:50

Join a Meet Up group in your area. I’ve just turned 60 and was also in a similar rut. I joined two local Meet Up social groups and my social life is rocking! I’ve just got home from a lovely meal with 7 other members, and on Saturday I’m off on a walk followed by a pub lunch. It’s a really great way to meet people.

WeylandYutani · 30/04/2025 22:54

no it is not a normal part of getting older.
Is this way of life hurting you? If so, you can change it.

KelishaBelisha · 30/04/2025 22:59

I feel like it’s a normal part of getting older. I don’t want to do online dating or join classes. I’m too busy with work. It’s quite depressing.

Londonismyjam · 01/05/2025 12:44

Niceandsleazy · 25/04/2025 23:49

Well I’ve had a good life. But here I am with no friends and no social life. Is this a normal part of getting older?

Didn’t want to read and run or your mumsnet experience here might have reinforced your post!
I think it’s harder to ‘put yourself out there’ as you get older, especially if you are still working and running out of energy. But once you retire there are lots of opportunities for a social life. I didn’t want to join the U3A at first because I thought (wrongly) that it would be too old for me. I was wrong. There’s a wide range of activities, not just walking, and people are very welcoming. Once you start going to a group regularly then it becomes easier to find someone that you get on with then build up to friendships. There’s been loads of info on mumsnet about other opportunities such as Meet Up, voluntary work, Bookclubs. It sounds to me that you might be tired and not have the energy to get out there. I understand that. Sometimes it’s just nice to settle in with a Netflix series too and that’s ok. 💐

Anonymouseposter · 01/05/2025 17:04

If you are still working and feel too tired to make the effort be assured that after you retire there are lots of opportunities to make friends, reconnect with old friends and broaden your horizons.
I am in my 70s now. The last two years I was working full time I had a few health problems and was finding my job tiring, also family members had severe health issues and needed help. I was practically crawling up the stairs to go to bed at 9pm.
It needn't be permanent. Since retiring I have joined a book group and a couple of other groups and made a few good friends. It took a bit of time. Friends who had been in the background because they were also tired and busy have reconnected.
I have also more energy for gardening, crafts, reading, going to the Cinema. I go to Yoga class, I can't do what the 40 year olds do but no-one cares.
Try to view it as temporary and not get too depressed about it. You can change things. It takes effort but it can be done.

Original poster
Niceandsleazy · 02/05/2025 22:54

I work full time

OP posts:
UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 02/05/2025 23:03

If you want friends and a social life you have to seek it out.

Find clubs/hobbies you're interested in and join them as others have suggested.

Maybe start with your local FB groups.

Brisley · 02/05/2025 23:07

Full time working as you get older makes things difficult. I'm too tired to join activities in the evenings.

ArminTamzerian · 02/05/2025 23:24

Niceandsleazy · 25/04/2025 23:49

Well I’ve had a good life. But here I am with no friends and no social life. Is this a normal part of getting older?

I don't know..I've actually noticed a trend of older women getting new hobbies, making new friends... retirement is time to shine

Merryoldgoat · 02/05/2025 23:28

I’m 47 and have children and a husband and tbh I find it hard to keep up with all the people I’d like to.

What do you do for fun? That’s the best way to make friends.

DiligentFlautist · 02/05/2025 23:31

No, it’s not. If you’ve drifted out of friendships pick them up again. And make new ones.

LudditeHere · 03/05/2025 12:18

Is your username a bar in a city @Niceandsleazy

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