Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

491 replies

Toooldforallthisnow · 25/04/2025 23:10

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

OP posts:
LittleEsme · 26/04/2025 08:05

YABU.
You haven’t reflected on your past at all - you’ve just simply explained it. You traumatised a group of children during their formative years - of course this will affect them!

You sound VERY similar to a teacher I had in Primary school. I watched them shout and get furious over the things children did, they also flipped a table and dragged children around the room. It terrorised and terrified us. I saw this teacher at a funeral in my 40’s and just seeing them gave me a visceral response, so much so that I had to sit out the funeral in my car.

You underestimate how your behaviour has impacted the children that you taught yet expect to be treated with respect by someone you clearly terrified as a child.

Some humility is needed here. If I were you, I’d apologise for the way you treated everyone in your class to this Physio. If you can’t , stay well out of her way. She owes you nothing at all.

MoominMai · 26/04/2025 08:08

I mean this was your opportunity to apologise to your ex pupil. You yourself said you’re amazed she remembers so much. I myself was smacked out of the blue with no warning when I was around 11 or so because I forgot my swimming costume by a female PE teacher in the 80s and I never forgot it. Despite all my achievements since, this lives rent free in my head and is just a horrid memory that my brain for some reason insists I retain. This is the reality for your ex pupil also I imagibe. I bet that PE teacher just went home and forgot about it. Don’t underestimate how your actions affect others especially unwarranted ones like yours. Do the decent thing and apologise instead of going on the attack yet again attempting to defend the indefensible.

Katemax82 · 26/04/2025 08:08

MrsCravensworth · 25/04/2025 23:42

I would have been rude to you as well.

I was treated terribly by a few teachers and it sticks with you. You abused a position of power.

It certainly does stick with you...

Drivingmissrangey · 26/04/2025 08:09

Giving the benefit of the doubt that this is real…This was a junior school? It’s not acceptable to abuse children of any age (or adults for that matter) but these were young kids. Not mouthy, physically large teenagers.

Thank god you left the profession quickly so you couldn’t traumatise any more children.

What I don’t believe is that you are thinking about telling the hospital authorities that you used to physically abuse children, just so you can tell them that this lady isn’t s friendly as you would like. Do you think she won’t tell them what really happened if you make a complaint about her?

Madformaltesers · 26/04/2025 08:16

you sound awful, what you did back then and how you are now. Your actions clearly caused longterm damage and now you reap what you sow.
I think the physiotherapist is being very professional not allowing her feelings of you cloud her care for your husband.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 26/04/2025 08:18

I was a primary school child on the 80's at a London primary school, smacking was absolutely not a thing at all

You abused those children. No wonder she was standoffish with you.

Do not complain

Guinessandafire · 26/04/2025 08:18

This is one of those threads that may be made up, but has a good hypothetical discussion point around it.

I think posters are united in condemning the actions of the OP, then and now. She shows no remorse for her abuse of children. I wonder what kind of person does this ? What other acts of abuse have they committed and made excuses for?

I have always wondered what the teachers at my primary school in the'70s, especially the deputy head and head that caned and 'slippered' small children, think when they look back on their crimes; are they ashamed? remorseful? or do they do what the OP is doing here..try and justify it?.

I also wonder how many adult victims of physical abuse by teachers have met their abuser and confronted them?.

Lighteningstrikes · 26/04/2025 08:18

How can you blame her?? I’m surprised she can even look at you.

You should be apologising to her.

You’ve damaged a lot of children who will remember you the whole of their lives.

Can you not see that?

Does it not even matter to you?

Very obviously not 😔

CeciliaMars · 26/04/2025 08:20

How old are you that hitting children was still OK???? I was at school 40 years ago and it was absolutely not OK. And throwing a desk?? Terrifying for 10 year olds! I can't believe you are minimising your behaviour. I am a teacher and have known lots of teachers leave the profession as it wasn't for them, but none of them behaved like this.
You sound like a vile bully. It must have been a real shock for her to see you. I would be apologising to her, not complaining to her.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 26/04/2025 08:21

JorgyPorgy · 25/04/2025 23:23

You could apologise, explain it was a low point and say you’ve changed? Try to make amends ?

Absolutely this. The time to address this with the physio was during the conversation and to admit your own failings. The fact there were no complaints made against you is irrelevant, your behaviour in the classroom was horrific. Your version of events is all "poor me". It must have been terrifying to be in your classroom. Don't complain about her. Do apologise to her sincerely if you are able to.

mustytrusty · 26/04/2025 08:23

Chickens coming home to roost. She remembers you as you were so unpleasant to her and her friends she can't forget. Talking about complaining about her anyway though? Reflection is what you need.

ThatFlyIsMySpiritAnimal · 26/04/2025 08:26

I actually know someone with a very similar mindset and behaviour (I suspect the only reason she doesn’t hit the kids is because she wouldn’t get away with it). It’s a complete mystery to her why she can’t get a permanent role as a teacher. Absolutely no self-awareness whatsoever.

Neveranynamesleft · 26/04/2025 08:27

You sound like someone who can dish it out but not take it. I'm amazed at your ignorance.

FlamingoQueen · 26/04/2025 08:27

Wow! I was going to say that she was being unprofessional, but actually I don’t blame her. It may only have been a short period of your life, but that is probably one of her overriding memories of school life. I expect she felt sick when she saw you and tbh, in this day and age she could probably report you!

I would even go so far as saying that you should apologise to her and explain how unhappy you were (which is not an excuse) and you appreciate how awful you were and how frightened the children must have been.

Bushmillsbabe · 26/04/2025 08:27

What on earth are you moaning about?
She is doing her job well and supporting your husband to the best of her professional ability, despite witnessing you abusing children when she was a child herself. It took her courage to respond to your unreasonable complaints, I applaud her.

As health professionals we are humans too, and I as a physio manager I would absolutely stand by her if you made the poor choice to make a complaint.

If you did this, the only one to lose out would be your husband, as she could then refuse to treat him. They would of course have to ask an alternative physio to see him, but this would be one which doesn't know his needs as well as her.

I suggest you leave a card for her with a written apology, both for your behaviour then, and now.

MrsJoanDanvers · 26/04/2025 08:27

What on earth would you be hoping to achieve by complaining? Her being disciplined? Losing her job? Having to justify why she wasn’t warm and friendly to a non patient? I understand you were unsuited to teaching and couldn’t control your temper and left but be thankful someone never complained about you. Let it go.

Bestfootforward11 · 26/04/2025 08:27

I was at school in the 80s in the UK and no teacher did what you describe. You describe yourself at having been at a low point and clearly your behaviour at that time was not acceptable. I am glad that you are in a better place now but it is not reasonable to be angry at those you behaved badly to and who were impacted by that. They were kids at that time and seeing their teacher, someone who is supposed to be there acting in their best interest throw a table. You know that behaviour was not ok and likely have no idea how the kids were impacted. You can’t tell them effectively to just get over it because you were not in a good place then and it’s a long time ago. I think you’re taking out your anger on the wrong person. You need to address your own feelings about yourself. I think therapy of some sort would be helpful. You need to understand your behaviour had impact that can’t be swept under the carpet. And I think you should apologise to this women who has done her job well re your husband. Best wishes.

NattyTurtle59 · 26/04/2025 08:27

This has to rank right up there with the most ridiculous AIBUs on MN.

Middlechild3 · 26/04/2025 08:31

You aren't her patient so she owes you nothing. You are afronted that someone you traumatised as a child is frosty to you? You need to do some self reflection.

AgnesX · 26/04/2025 08:34

Thank god you moved out of teaching. I also remember a dreadful teacher 40 years later.

If she stopped short of being downright rude then I'd keep quiet and stop making excuses for yourself.

Katemax82 · 26/04/2025 08:35

My husband was physically abused by a headteacher in the late 70s. The same headteacher teacher got violently assaulted himself years later by a former pupil ( not my husband) but it mentally scarred him

SolDeBlaBla · 26/04/2025 08:36

You hit children? You are a beast.

And now you're sensitive and feeling disliked?

Pray that if you or your dh ever end up in a care home the staff will be kind and patient to you.

As for your plan to complain? You must be joking.

You humiliated and abused a trail of young children in your care. I don't think you can expect a HCP to go out of her way to be warm and kind to you when she was one of your young victims.

Have a good old fashioned Biscuit

HariboFan5367 · 26/04/2025 08:37

I can't believe you would even make a thread about this!

Clearly you are wrong and really this woman should make a complaint about you now she is old enough to stand up for herself. I've been thinking about the teacher that bullied me when I was 7. Of course she still remembers us she was 10!

The complaint could come at any time from any of the children you abused....

I wonder what else you did back then that still hovers above your head?

SipandClean · 26/04/2025 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Couldn’t agree more.

OneNeatLimeCritic · 26/04/2025 08:43

You traumatised her as a child. You should apologise to her or shut up.