to lie about my pasta sauce?

[TerryHall]

DD has a friend whose mum scares the living shit out of me. Perfect house, etc. Always organising wholesome, educational activities for the girls.

DD's friend said to me last week "I love the pasta here. My mum's so pleased I'll eat veg at your house. She says can you text her the recipe".

It's Dolmio with added sweetcorn and peas (yeah, grim, I know).

AIBU to say it's secret recipe of my nan's so I can't possibly tell her?

I remember the thrill of having tea at friends' houses. I remember raving about brilliant cheese sandwiches from Sarah's mum (white bread, marg, cheese slices). I remember telling my Mum and she must have realised what I ate as I still remember it. She probably felt a bit 🙄 because I probably didn't race about her lovingly made home cooked dinners.

I would either be honest or else be vague. If you asked me exactly what I put in pasta sauce then I don't think I could tell you. I just make it up. Depends what veg I have. A pinch of sugar always takes the edge off the tomatoes' acidity though.

I two types of bolognese... my proper one from tomatoes, veg, herbs etc... and lazy nights of mince, Dolmio, pasta...

Guess which one the DCs polish off...

I'm at the point of calling vegetables "pesky nutritious lumps" now.
They loved veg when they weaned over a decade ago.

I'd probably just admit that it's Dolmio. If she's got an issue with it, it's a her problem not a you problem.

If she’ll eat Dolmio with peas and sweetcorn she’d probably eat a really simple tomato sauce with them added?

So just a tin of tomatoes with garlic and herbs, plus salt and pepper and a tiny pinch of sugar. Herbs could be something like oregano, basil and/ or parsley.

No idea what they’d mean by “herb” though 😂

I reckon she'll be relieved. I did similar and messaged someone about their chicken bake recipe, and was pleasantly surprised when they revealed it was a tin of Campbell's mushroom soup! I'd tried lots of different recipes trying to get it right which were much more effort!

But you know what children are like... she probably wouldn't eat the exact same sauce at home anyway.

Actually this is genius!
Look up some intricate Ottolenghi pasta sauce recipes, mix them up and tell her is your own version of Ottolenghi with mango chutney as the secret ingredient. And you make your own organic sun dried tomatoes at your villa in Italy (actually your 95 years old Italian neighbour kindly does this for you because she can't bear wasting any tomatoes)
Because

1. A lot of his recipes are ridiculously complicated and include ingredients such as virgin snake tears and mung beans dried at the edge of an active volcano and picked up by pink one winged three eyed vultures
2. I've learned from MN that adding a tablespoon of mango chutney lifts any dish (amazingly this is true and I use this trick all the time)

Or, or, or .... put some Dolmio sauce in a plain kilner jar and gift it to her saying it's a secret recipe from the Italian mother of your first love! You can never share it with anyone.

Hahaha, thats the same in my house. My proper homemade bolognaise is served with spaghetti with cheese on top with garlic bread and never finished. but my extra onion and garlic dolmio one served mixed with maccaroni with cheese on top i always get asked for seconds. You can't bloody win!!

I'd be truthful. A jarred sauce is really different from anything I make.
The kid eats it. The mum can try to replicate it if she wants.

I had this with a friend, but it was the Schwartz Tuna Pasta Bake. She always cooked everything from scratch.

Yes, channel Terry. It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it

I'd just say "Oh, I don't use a recipe. I just add a little of this and a little of that, depending on what I have on hand."

Saying you have a recipe but won't give it to her sounds kind of smug to me but this way, you seem like a super-duper good cook who can come up with wonderful sauces on the fly. :)

There are so many things that bother me about your post - that you say she "scares" you. Why would you choose to say it that way, instead of saying that she makes you feel inadequate or that she makes you wish you were more energetic? And why would you lie when your child might possibly reveal the truth, and you'll feel even stupider?
You should not only tell the truth, but not apologetically. If you look at it sensibly, you'll see this is an opportunity to score a point, to show it's not necessary to be "perfect" to please a child. You'd say, Oh, I'm so pleased she liked it, but it's only...
On the other hand, I wouldn't text her. I'd ignore it until the child asks again, and then say, Tell your mother to telephone me. Make her ask you for it.

😂😂😂 don’t push it. BBC’s recipes are excellent!

My daughter’s friend mum who’s a nutritionist/dietitian asked me for my pancake recipe as her daughter raved about my pancakes, I happily passed on my ‘Betty Crocker just add milk’ recipe!

This is the correct answer. The “secret” is that you blend it before adding the sweetcorn to get the right texture.

I know this is lighthearted but I'm gonna answer anyway. If the mum didn't ask it herself, no need to send anything.

I would say it is juar tomato sauce and I add sweetcorn and peas. I can and often do make a basic tomato sauce, but I also am not adverse to picking up a good quality one when cheap in Heron Foods and using it when I have none in the freezer/cannot be arsed. Not like you are giving them pasta coated in crack. I also always have chopped frozen onions/garlic and ginger in the freezer and frozen mash to top fish pie etc. I hate the prep part of cooking when busy and it saves cleaning the food processor. Hardly crime of the century and I have no time for people who look down on people for taking short cuts. Yes I can cut and onion and cook every thing from scratch but when I get in at 6pm and feel knackered from a demanding job, it is short cuts or order a take away.

Well then she'll have to eat her words lol!

This 🤣

I would be honest but maybe try make it into a bit of a joke, like “goodness I can’t believe she liked it, I had to make it when my shopping didn’t turn up/order was wrong and I had nothing else. Now it’s become an occasional special treat for me to make it” If the mum is very picky about food, then she might not want her coming for meals anymore if she thinks you’re always serving foods she doesn’t approve of. This would be sad for your DD if her friend wasn’t allowed over anymore.

My (very picky, autistic) DC ask me to make my home made pasta sauce.

It would probably take me longer to open a jar of Dolmio.

Tomato puree, water, Worcestershire sauce, red wine vinegar, garlic powder, salt, and sprinkle of brown sugar. Oh, and dried herbs - I use the “Italian mix” so I’m not even adding them individually.

Literally takes 30 seconds to chuck into a jug, whisk, and then just warm it up in the microwave or saucepan.

DC and DP love it and I honestly have no clue why because it was a panic concoction one day when I was about to serve up the pasta for DC and realised I did t have a jar in the cupboard. I had to make something quickly and this was the result 🫣😂

No proper ingredients like onions and fresh garlic. No gentle simmering or cooking down veg like carrots.

It’s embarrassing when DC mention my “amazing” pasta sauce to their friends because it’s not proper cooking and literally is just a jumble of random stuff chucked together. I’d rather die than admit how shit it is. Dolmio would sound infinitely better imo! 😂

I always ate eggs at a friends house because her dad told me he collected the. From the farm (inner city kid - now realise total bs) but my mum mysteriously started getting farm eggs.
a white lie never hurt anyone. Tell her it’s basic tomato and basil sauce wi tbh sweetcorn added. No harm done

There are UPF free pasta sauces. Tell her it’s Heinz with a added veg 😁