To think just don’t offer them beige food?

[Ashlll]

Or am I spectacularly uneducated here? My sister has a 3 year old who apparently will only eat beige food and mostly crisps. She says it’s a sensory thing and we have to respect it when around him, for example when I took him and dd out last week I had to give him quavers rather than the snacks I had got for dd… which then made dd want quavers too! Same with water, he won’t drink it and it has to be juice.

I am not massively strict but did say to dsis just don’t buy these things then he won’t know he can ask for them… she says he just won’t eat or drink. I think this is ridiculous (I’ve not said this to her). AIBU?!?

Absolutely @WiddlinDiddlin - some of the attitudes on this thread are shocking. You can absolutely tell who hasn't to worry about feeding their child, or who hasn't grown up being force fed until you vomit.

Yep. I can eat a much more varied diet at home because I'm in control of how things are cooked, any extra smells, noise etc.

When I'm out, I'm really limited in what I can eat and there are lots of foods I just won't touch as I'm so worried about gagging or vomiting.

Yup - @faerietales - I feel so sorry that so many of us have had very very similar horrible experiences as kids. I wouldn't wish that on anyones child and it's why I will comment on these threads, even if I get vile, patronising responses from clueless arseholes!

Also worth knowing whilst 'ARFID' is a new term it's not a new issue. It previously fell under selective eating disorder or feeding disorder of infancy or early childhood

@WiddlinDiddlin 100%. One of my lasting childhood memories is not being allowed down from the table until I'd eaten some spinach. It had gone cold and it was all soggy and congealed on my plate but I was forced to try a mouthful. I couldn't even swallow it - as soon as it made contact with my tongue, I gagged and threw up.

I was never force-fed anything again but I've never forgotten it. I was so upset and scared because I knew I would be sick and yet nobody was listening to me.

In the 80s my husband wouldn't eat much, MIL certainly didn't have time to be offering him different meals to everyone else, she was running a farm during the day and doing a night shift as a nurse to make ends meet! So DH would eat just about enough potato or bread not to die, he didn't grow and was pretty much in a shit state until he started drinking milk at 10 or so. He started eating a few more things as a teen and when I met him at 23 he had three meals that he would eat.

Our son was going the same way, no protein, sugar crashing from plain pasta and and it was really affecting his mood. People were suggesting I really ought to get him assessed as he was volatile. I just decided to get him eating by any means possible and he's a different kid. Bit of a grumpy adolescent but active, slim but muscly, and has even branched out from Co-Op Spicy Chicken Mini Fillets to steak or prawns! It wasn't a case of him being offered crap alongside the good stuff and preferring the crap, it was a case of refusing everything and needing to eat something so I chose breaded chicken! He wouldn't even eat the bloody nuggets as he said the mushed up chicken felt like paper in his mouth.

I know another kid where the family very much stuck to the healthy stuff, again the child is tiny and ill a lot.

I know what I'd rather have on my conscience.

There have been so many of these threads recently and they are always the same. People can't seem to accept that different people experience different things.

I had exactly the same thing. It was a thing in the 80s to make the child sit in front of the plate as it got colder and colder.

Generally I didn’t struggle with foods at all but certain green veg tasted too bitter to me. I also recall gagging and bringing it up and my parents told me off for “ spitting it out.”

Strangely I love those vegetables now and when I got to about 13 thought I had been silly or wrong not to like them BUT when I was pregnant it was like a time machine: I could taste the EXACT same taste that had sickened me as a child and was gagging again!

I think we tend to think we all taste things the same way but that was an eye opener for me.

Taste buds can vary - even for the same individual depending on stage of life. Children have heightened taste buds, which is why do often they don’t like spicy foods.

It’s only a small step from that realisation to accepting different individuals may have their taste buds dialled up to something we ourselves, even as committed jalfrezi and bitter sprout enthusiasts, couldn’t tolerate. Not every person is the same or experiences the world the same, even if the experience is objectively the same.

@Calliopespa yep, interestingly I'm quite happy to eat spinach now as long as it's with other foods and seasonings! It did put me off it for years though - I don't think I touched it again until I was in my twenties, lol.

I’ve been fine with everything since early teens - and was not too much of a picky eater as a child even. But pregnancy made me realise my taste buds hadn’t just “matured” from those early memories; they had actually changed with hormones/age. It’s made me very sympathetic to people who can’t stomach certain foods - especially children. Things taste different to everyone.

Yeah - my parents are strongly into spicy foods and never seemed to realise that what tasted nice to them was physically painful for me. I remember once being served a spicy tomato pasta dish and it was so hot (to me) that I actually cried over it.

Totally disagree

Food was put in front of me and I was made to eat it

I cried and gagged my way through many a mealtime. And guess what? I still won't eat those foods I disliked back then and we're talking 60 years ago

I was fascinated to do a super taster test (its just a strip you stick on your tongue, if it tastes strong to you, you're a super taster, normal and non tasters get a very mild hint of bitter or nothing at all) - it explains so much and I suspect I tasted things even more strongly as a child. To me, the super taster strip tastes like the nastiest strongest bitterness and it took ages to get the taste out of my mouth... to my partner he could barely detect the difference between the test strip and a strip of normal paper!

Unfortunately many adults really struggle with the idea that their personal experience re taste/flavour is not the same as someone elses (and indeed that their personal experience in any other aspect of life is not the same as someone elses).

Exactly

Do no harm approach and offering safe food is fine so long as the child is getting a range of foods and nutrients. Taking a path of least resistance approach/being defeatist prematurely definitely has the potential to be harmful.

I'm 50 and still won't drink unflavoured water. It makes me heave. I take Robinson's Squash 'ems with me when I travel in case there isn't squash available.

It's having something in my mouth that has either no taste or,more commonly with tap water, tastes of unpleasant chemicals that does it.

I have a low thirst drive as it is. I genuinely wouldn't drink as a kid if there was only plain water. I still wouldn't now, but the situation never arises, thankfully.

@ObelixtheGaul I'm the same with plain water, I won't drink it even if I had a splitting headache from dehydration. I've even fainted in the past and refused it.

I will drink sparkling water (it's a texture thing) or fruit juice, or even squash mixed with sparkling water, but not plain water. I'd even rather dry-swallow tablets than take them with tap water.

I don't disagree but where have I said 'immediately assume ARFID and only offer chicken nuggets and quavers'? ...

Where in fact, has anyone said that their kid started to exhibit signs of food avoidance, so they lept straight to offering nothing but nuggets/quavers etc?

Blimey, I am so happy to find another adult who is like this. Yes, sparkling water I can do at a push.

@ObelixtheGaul for me, sparkling water has to be a certain brand (or at least, has to have a certain level of fizz) for me to drink it. I can't drink carbonated drinks that have been left to go flat either, but I can drink plain fruit juice or milk.

Nobody else IRL gets it at all. Tap water (or plain water in general) just tastes wrong to me!

I was elaborating.

And now imagine she stopped drinking water/milk or never started in the first place. What would you have done then? How long would you have waited for her to cave before trying something else?

@faerietales and @ObelixtheGaul YES! never tap water, ours is pretty disgusting anyway, I have drunk still water... but I am talking crystal clear mountain stream stuff... not corporation pop.

I have a sodastream for sparkling water, its usually some sort of sugar free squash with sparkling water here, or I will drink tea, but never tap water. Again I'd rather dry swallow my meds (and its a mouthful of 9 pills in a morning) and risk gagging on that than drink the tap water!

Tap water feels wrong, flat, unsparkling water is the wrong texture, doesn't stop me feeling thirsty, and tastes horrible.

@WiddlinDiddlin do you find a SodaStream makes it fizzy enough, if that makes sense? My sparkling water has to be almost like fizzy pop in texture otherwise I can't drink it.

DH is always moaning as if I open a can and don't finish it, I have to bin it (or give it to him) as it makes me gag to drink it flat, lol.

Yep, but it is horrible when the gas cannister starts to run out, fortunately we're 5 minutes from Argos so getting a new one isn't a bother.