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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you do this to ensure your dc could go to a good private school?

91 replies

Greenshoess · 25/04/2025 15:05

I was absolutely sure I wanted DD to go to a private school. With this in mind I saved a lot in the toddler years and with some family help I now have 150k ready to go for her schooling. Her father is on board and ready to pay half the fees on top of maintenance (we are separated).

She is due to start school in September and I am now really itching to use this money to pay off the rest of my mortgage (I owe 200k). I feel tired of work and life in general and just want to go part time which obviously I could do if I got rid of most of the mortgage. The state schools round here aren’t good, there’s no pretending they are and this is making me so conflicted. I guess I’m wondering if people think the sacrifice is worth it, if you did it are you glad you did?

OP posts:
Loveautumnhatewinter · 25/04/2025 15:08

I would use that money to move to a nicer area and get her into a decent state school. Is that an option?

Original poster
Greenshoess · 25/04/2025 15:08

@Loveautumnhatewinter sadly not as we are close to friends and family here and I wouldn’t want to uproot that for her

OP posts:
Rumplestiltz · 25/04/2025 15:08

Pay off the mortgage. Go part time and have the time and energy to support her outside of school with reading and other activities/adventures.

MichaelandKirk · 25/04/2025 15:10

Carry on with private school. It gave my children a great start in life.

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 25/04/2025 15:10

How old are you?

Somethingsnapped · 25/04/2025 15:10

If you went part-time at work, you'd have more time available to 'top up' her education by some extra home-tutoring outside of school hours. Just a thought!

Original poster
Greenshoess · 25/04/2025 15:10

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 25/04/2025 15:10

How old are you?

@BottleBlondeMachiavelli 39

OP posts:
Wardrobehanger · 25/04/2025 15:10

Could you continue saving for her to go private at secondary instead?

littlemissprosseco · 25/04/2025 15:10

I’m a believer in there’s two things you give a child that are truly valuable, love and the best education you can.
Whether that’s private or not is up to you!
If by going part time you can spend extra time actively enhancing your child’s outlook on life/ education, by days out and experiences is something only you can decide

Radiatorvalves · 25/04/2025 15:11

If she’s 5 and just starting private you’ve got a long and expensive road ahead. I would go state for primary and see how it goes. You can put a fraction of the money to tuition later if you’re dead set on private secondary. Reducing your mortgage now doesn’t commit you to state longer term.

Original poster
Greenshoess · 25/04/2025 15:11

Wardrobehanger · 25/04/2025 15:10

Could you continue saving for her to go private at secondary instead?

@Wardrobehanger yes but the issue is the schools are not great here. I know primary is seen as not too bad even in state but there’s 38 in the class this year which seems absolutely loads to me

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 25/04/2025 15:12

I think private school without the personal contacts and lifestyle isn’t that helpful to the majority of children.

MorrisonsPlatter · 25/04/2025 15:12

Well you obviously need to discuss it with your ex since he's on-board.

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 25/04/2025 15:14

If you’re 50 something, it's more understandable that you’d be worried about the house payment and that you’d be tired and keen to go part time.

Also, if family have contributed to an education fund, you’d need their approval before repurposing that money.

What’s changed your mind? Age and energy?

If her dad is willing to pay half, is there not a happy medium to strike?

Honestly, state for primary and private for secondary is a reasonable compromise.

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 25/04/2025 15:16

Greenshoess · 25/04/2025 15:10

@BottleBlondeMachiavelli 39

Show quote history

Then you have time to fund both.

CurlewKate · 25/04/2025 15:18

What do you mean by the schools not being good?

Ineedanewsofa · 25/04/2025 15:22

Start with state and keep hold of the money in case it doesn’t work out. You’ll need at least double your current savings to take her all the way through to 18 in private. “State ‘till 8” is a very popular option round here, you could try that?

REDB99 · 25/04/2025 15:24

I went to an ‘awful’ secondary school and loved it! Even the ‘worst’ schools cater for hard working, committed pupils. I was in top set, joined all clubs / activities, played instruments etc this was because my parents brought me up properly and I valued school. The worst parts of the school just didn’t touch me. Instil a good work ethic in your DD, pay for tutoring if you need to. But don’t be too worried about ‘bad’ schools.

Sofiewoo · 25/04/2025 15:26

So if your child hasn’t started school yet why can’t you pay off your mortgage and pay private school as you go? If you’ve saved 150k in just a handful of years and the child’s father would pay have the fees I don’t understand how it’s one or the other.

MidnightPatrol · 25/04/2025 15:26

You have plenty of time to pay off your mortgage.

And - presumably the ‘family help’ is for her education, not to allow you to be mortgage free at 39 so you can have a slightly more relaxed life?

Edit: is she only 4? If so, how have you saved up £150k in four years? That sounds like you can probably just afford the education or to pay off your mortgage quickly anyway.

Flightsoffancy · 25/04/2025 15:29

I think the accepted wisdom that state for primary and private for secondary is debatable. Turn that on its head and your child gets arguably a better education and probably smaller class sizes, more individual attention etc in their early, formative years. The theory goes that when they then go on to state secondary they are well set up to go straight into the top sets. You will probably then have some spare cash for enrichment/tutoring when those things really make a difference (eg to GCSE results or future direction). I hear what you're saying about wanting to pay off the mortgage and take a step down, though. Remember that your happiness impacts your child's happiness hugely, as well as being important in its own right. Being present and happy, with your child at a state school is vastly preferable to being strung out and over busy but having your child in a private school.

Minimalistmamaoftwo · 25/04/2025 15:29

I would continue saving and do state until eight and move her then

Original poster
Greenshoess · 25/04/2025 15:30

Sofiewoo · 25/04/2025 15:26

So if your child hasn’t started school yet why can’t you pay off your mortgage and pay private school as you go? If you’ve saved 150k in just a handful of years and the child’s father would pay have the fees I don’t understand how it’s one or the other.

@Sofiewoo i don’t want to risk her starting and then run out of money

OP posts:
Original poster
Greenshoess · 25/04/2025 15:31

MidnightPatrol · 25/04/2025 15:26

You have plenty of time to pay off your mortgage.

And - presumably the ‘family help’ is for her education, not to allow you to be mortgage free at 39 so you can have a slightly more relaxed life?

Edit: is she only 4? If so, how have you saved up £150k in four years? That sounds like you can probably just afford the education or to pay off your mortgage quickly anyway.

Edited

@MidnightPatrol some of that has been gifted from family, I saved around 70k

OP posts:
Newgirls · 25/04/2025 15:31

38 in a state primary is very unusual. Round here the numbers are dropping for primary admissions.

id start her in state until at least 8 - save a fortune