Since having a baby (now 18m) I find myself getting irritated by DH very frequently and it's affecting our relationship!
Today i'm feeling very irritated, angry and upset even... I asked him to hang the bibs up that I had put in the washing machine in the morning. He comes to tell me about our savings and investment projections (but he hasn't hung the bibs up). It's frustrating that I have even had to put the bibs in the wash this morning because I was in London for work yesterday and I always leave DD a clean bib and high chair, especially if I know DH is going to be looking after her the following day (usually I feed DD in the evening).
I also got very frustrated that he was talking about hypothetically being able to save / invest even more when we barely have enough to buy DD some second-hand holiday clothes on Vinted. He very frequently talks about how much we'd have at 60, 70, even 90 (?!) if we saved X amount each month. I was quite frustrated about this recurring 'conversation' and just said why don't we plan to retire early or save for a holiday, like a safari for DD or something specific, otherwise it just feels like saving for the sake of it and I am fed up of him talking about saving for the sake of it. I know we are very fortunate to be able to save anything.
It also feels like he talks AT me because he is the one in control of our savings / investments. I resent this because it's a role he's assumed himself, while it feels like I pick up the slack with housework, planning activities for our family in the short-term and it all feels very backwards to me (I have strong feminist values as you've likely gathered). He hasn't planned anything for us to do this year... I asked him to plan something for Easter weekend and he planned nothing much at all (we just went to his parents for lunch), while I try to plan days out that are in our very strict budget because we both WFH full-time and I like to get out the house.
Anyway, it just seems to be a recurring theme where something small boils up into bigger issues like family roles and I am getting pretty sick of it. I suggested online therapy but he said he'd rather do it in person (even though that would be more expensive) and yet he hasn't done any research to find an in-person therapist... it just feels like the onus for everything is always on me and he only has energy for working on his business and finances. Also, I can't bring any of this up because it always goes back to "I am building this business for all of us". AIBU to feel this way?