Strange Lady in Choir

[Griffindora]

Hi Mumsnetters! Don’t know whether I’m overthinking this/being a bit sensitive, would welcome your views! I joined a lovely choir in our village a couple of years ago. No audition to join and very relaxed. Everyone seems nice. For the past two weeks I have been standing next to a lady who puts her hand over her ear when I am singing next to her. I have never seen her do this with anyone else, even when she was standing next to the male voices! It’s made me feel rather self-conscious about singing, because I feel I must be so out of tune that she needs to block me out or something. If it happens again, should I just ask her if my voice is putting her off?

Are you singing different parts, eg alto vs soprano?
Sorry if I don’t have the correct terminology, but maybe she finds it easier to focus on her part if she can’t hear yours? Not sure why she wouldn’t need to do it when she’s next to someone else though 🤔

This was my first thought too. I don't see the harm in asking her about it and offering to stand somewhere else.

Yes I would say you are maybe singing a different part louder than the other people she has stood next to.

No we both sing the same parts (alto).

Some people put their hand over their ear in order to hear their own voice more clearly - she will probably be doing it in order to sing more accurately herself. Perhaps you are quite loud in comparison to her, and so she feels the need to do this in order to be confident that she is singing the right notes?
Just sit next to someone else if it bothers you, or ask her what she is doing. No need to overthink or stress about it.

She probably just wants to hear her own voice so she knows she’s singing in tune

That’s awful, many a choir I have been in and that is just rude. Can you move and engineer it so that you are never next to her
Is she new to the choir?

No.

some people can be very blunt and it’s not helpful.

make sure you are standing or sitting with your voice part (I can’t hold my line very well if surrounded by other voice parts) and if you are both the same voice part then sit somewhere else,

Maybe your voice reminds her of something/someone else. I doubt it's that your horrendously bad or somebody would have subtly offered you pointers by now.

She could be trying to hear her own voice over yours, or above the part on the other side of you, or maybe you are out of tune.

Why not speak to the choir leader and ask if they can check your tuning.

Can you sing in tune?

I do this often (I do musical theatre) as we quite often have to block the other voices to figure out our lines first. Men’s voices are typically easy to ignore, but if you have someone belting next to you off key/out of tune or something it can be really off putting.
Im a very high, top soprano and have a heck of a belt, but I really need to focus if I’m going to do it properly, every time, so I will block the other voices around me to “tune in” to what I need to hear.
If I’m stood near altos/men, it’s not so bad as they are typically on a totally different harmony line to me, but, this is a technique used a lot by stage performers during rehearsals.

I always sit with my voice part, but I think you’re right that I should sit next to someone else. I am the only person she does this to, and really thought I sang in tune. Think it’s best for me not to analyse it too much!

I'm wondering if you have changed some details in your OP as there's a woman in my choir who does the same 😂

I think it's more about her than anyone else. Just let her get on with it.

Yes, I can

Are you confident that you sing in tune? Or as you are on the alto part are you sure you’re singing the correct notes? This may be her not-so -subtle way of telling you!

No not new to the choir, she joined just after me. I have only been standing next to this lady for the past two weeks. (Our choir director changed the seating arrangements)

It's very usual for folk singers to cover one ear while they sing even if singing with others - it's meant to help with tuning as you can then hear your own voice better. She might just be a folkie and intending no offence!

I'm wondering if you sing quite loudly? I've been in a choir for many years and stood/sat next to lots of different people. The only one I found difficult was a woman who was very nice and also a very good singer - but she sang loudly and I just couldn't hear myself at all. It really spoiled the choir experience for me and at times I did try to block the ear nearest her for a few seconds at a time just so I could check I was singing in tune.

She can't hear herself over your voice - it could be because you're exactly the right height for it to completely fill her ear, whereas others come in above or below, so it's a background, rather than the only thing she can hear. It's not a criticism of your singing at all.

I do this myself sometimes. It's when I'm not certain I am in tune, and want to hear my own voice more clearly. Nothing to do with what anyone else is singing. Some vocal coaches recommend it to singers in choirs.

It’s not about you at all! It’s about her hearing what she sounds like, and whether she has the right notes or not.

I sing in a choir and many people do this when they are learning their part.

I am wondering whether this is me (are you in East Anglia?)... I have hearing loss and related issues and some voices make a sort of buzzing feeling in my ear. I also have to block the ear on the soprano side sometimes as I can't hear the other altos even if they are between me and the sopranos.

No not East Anglia x

Ewan McColl the folk singer did that, even when just singing acapella.