Strange Lady in Choir

[Griffindora]

Hi Mumsnetters! Don’t know whether I’m overthinking this/being a bit sensitive, would welcome your views! I joined a lovely choir in our village a couple of years ago. No audition to join and very relaxed. Everyone seems nice. For the past two weeks I have been standing next to a lady who puts her hand over her ear when I am singing next to her. I have never seen her do this with anyone else, even when she was standing next to the male voices! It’s made me feel rather self-conscious about singing, because I feel I must be so out of tune that she needs to block me out or something. If it happens again, should I just ask her if my voice is putting her off?

@Matsukaze Soundtech geek corner here 🤓

Mariah will be wearing in ear monitors, which are headphones that amplify her voice so she can hear better on stage. She is either pushing it further in to her ear canal (so she can hear better), or the placement of her fingers might be some sort of sign language to her soundtech that it needs tweaking. It means she can give an uninterrupted performance without having an Elton John strop;

Definitely so she can hear herself better. Don't worry! You could try asking her? You might make a new friend.

I find I do this in rehearsals if I'm standing next to a different singing part and still trying to learn my own part, or if the person singing next to me is booming out so I can hear and learn better! Just ask her and make a new friend :)
Can you hear the people singing each side of you whilst you're singing as well as your own voice? Our leader sometimes gently comments "it's a choir, not a solo" as some people just enjoy belting out a tune karaoke style. Can you sing in tune? We have a couple of people in our big choir who love to let rip and I'll try to move at next rehearsal if it makes trying to learn my own part harder. Tbh Ive been withthis choir 5 years and try and sit at the end of a row to avoid the noisy ones 😁

How rude of her! Absolutely call her out on it. If she does it again, ask the conductor (loudly and in front of everyone) if you can change places as her behaviour is putting you off.

Seen this before. Supposedly to cut out extraneous noise and allow them to hear their own voice more clearly via bone transmission. Was in an amateur music society where people started doing this. The habit spread. Ended up with half the chorus standing there covering their ears!

I've always thought it was a pretentious way of suggesting that your voice is so pure and accurate that it has to be shielded from the out of tune sounds produced by other choir members.

Total nonsense ... one of the most important thing about Ensemble singing is to listen to others.

I go to a choir too. Try choir leader has said it’s worth bearing in mind that if you can’t hear the other people singing around you perhaps you are singing too loud

not saying this is what’s happening but I always bear it in mind

I’m definitely not singing too loud, as I can hear the people on either side of me singing, and try to tune in with them.

Ah well it’s not you then!

😀👍🏻

Try singing with your hand over you hear - you can hear yourself more clearly. It's because she can't hear herself and wants to check if she's singing the right notes. Nothing to do with you.

From a professional musician.

Thank you! I might well give that a go; in the future there may be two of us standing there with an ear covered! 🤣🤣🤣

Don’t worry I am in a choir and sing soprano I do this sometimes it’s because I can hear myself better with an ear closed it has nothing to do with what the person next to me us doing especially when singing lower notes enjoy your singing

@Griffindora does she wear a hearing aid at all?? she even might be overhearing the person singing behind her

No hearing aid. There is a lady with hearing aids and she never does this! In fact, no one else in the choir does this; we have some excellent singers (not me!), who sing without covering ears. It’s a laid-back village community choir, but I suppose this lady might just take her singing a bit more seriously than the rest of us? It has been very informative reading various explanations on here; thank you all! 🥰

Thank you; I certainly plan to keep singing, and improving! 🥰

It is to help her sing in tune and for no other reason.

Maybe if you try it yourself you will see how it helps you hear exactly what you are singing. Sing a verse without, then sing a verse with your hand over your ear.

I absolutely promise you, it is NOT about shutting your voice out. The poor woman would probably be mortified of she knew that’s what you thought.

Crikey, I used to do this in the choir I sang in. I was trying to hear if I was singing in tune, if I sounded ok. Never occurred to me that it could incite this kind of reaction.

I left in the end. I’m so sad about it.

School choirs were always such safe, joyful spaces.

This adult choir wasn’t only about the singing, the music, the harmonies. The cliques and politics were stressful.

Do not do this in a community choir. Totally over the top and choir leaders are not paid enough to deal with and arbitrate over hurt feelings. Know she is probably doing it either because she has a hearing loss or you are out of tune. Either way, the solution is not to tell on her to miss/mr 😂

Tell us your hearing is totally perfect and you’re a very confident person, without saying as much. Most things other people do are to make themselves feel more comfortable, it’s not to do with impinging on others, or performative.

It's more important to hear yourself and the accompanying instrument though. You only have to listen to professional singers whose monitors have failed (or the guitarist has wanted too much of them in the mix compared to the singer for stage ones) to realise what happens otherwise.

But hey, I was just a professional musician and audio engineer.