Strange Lady in Choir

[Griffindora]

Hi Mumsnetters! Don’t know whether I’m overthinking this/being a bit sensitive, would welcome your views! I joined a lovely choir in our village a couple of years ago. No audition to join and very relaxed. Everyone seems nice. For the past two weeks I have been standing next to a lady who puts her hand over her ear when I am singing next to her. I have never seen her do this with anyone else, even when she was standing next to the male voices! It’s made me feel rather self-conscious about singing, because I feel I must be so out of tune that she needs to block me out or something. If it happens again, should I just ask her if my voice is putting her off?

So I think, it’s rest assured, you are not at fault, the difficulty is hers .

This. Or you actually singing out of tune, some people do drift a bit , I would ask her what the reason is. If you are an experienced singer and you know that your pitch is usually accurate, then probably it’s just that she can’t hear herself.

Here's Maddy Prior covering both ears.

I have sometimes found that the person next to me sings quite loud which can be offputting. Usually though I am the loud one!

She could have a hearing problem that makes it harder to block out other sounds so i wouldn’t assume its an insult!

Can people not read? She doesn’t cover her ear when next to anyone else but OP, so not just trying to hear her own voice 🙄

Phew 😂

One of the Bee Gees did it very often, and you’d imagine that they all sang in tune. It’s done to hear your own voice, if you’re suddenly not sure if you’re in tune. I sometimes do it when singing in a group of people.

It’s not in the least ‘rude’. She’s not telling the OP she’s tuneless, or overly loud, she’s quietly getting on with singing and trying to hear her own singing.

I’m thinking maybe you’re singing a bit too loudly and she can’t hear herself. Could this be the case?
I was recently put next to someone who was singing my part too loudly and I couldn’t hear myself at all. This was off-putting because I couldn’t be sure if I was singing correctly.

I'm an alto in a choir, and it's extremely common.
We sing the harmony line, and therefore we need to check our tune against Soprano/Tenor line.

I often cover my ear in rehearsals. It's absolutely nothing to do with the singer next to me - I just need to check my own singing.

Agreed! Perhaps people are reading with a hand over one eye.

I was about to say about hearing loss. I do this and it’s to do with hearing loss not the sound of the person next to me. What I’m trying to do is isolate the sound I’m making, I’m not bothered about my neighbours! When I remember I bring a loop earbud but that also has its own problems.

And yes thank you, I can read very well! The issue with standing next to same voice parts is sound discrimination. You can’t hear what you are singing as it’s all muddled up with the person next to you. Much less of an issue when standing next to the basses 🤦‍♀️

Sigh. She’s trying to hear her own voice, and something the OP is doing when she sings is making it difficult so that she cups her ear. It could simply be that the OP sounds very like her, so that it’s difficult for her to distinguish her own voice from the OP’s. I’ve certainly seen singers in professional choirs do it in rehearsal when they’re learning a piece of music

Hi @Griffindora ! Pro singer here. I have a very quiet voice and often need extra help hearing myself on stage. I’m mostly deaf in my left ear ( and often have to deal with a loud guitarist in my right ear). If I were you I’d approach the choir leader and highlight what is happening - perhaps they can move you both to better positions. It’s not a big deal, and most importantly has nothing to do with your singing ability. These sorts of choirs are designed to be inclusive so I’m certain the choir leader will be open to whatever works best. Singing is such a valuable source of joy, and should be fun and accessible for everyone!

I think we can tie ourselves in knots wondering why other people are doing what they’re doing, at choirs, in life, everywhere. Please don’t let this ruin something you’re enjoying and that’s bringing you joy, Sit next to someone else and sing your heart out.

I’ve sung in choirs for many years and have never once seen anyone do this. It is, in my humble opinion, rude to do so - at least without some explanation. For example ‘sorry about putting my hand over my ear, Griffindora, but I’m finding this piece really tricky and blocking my ear helps me find the right pitch’ sort of thing. But as it seems she only does it with you, I think she’s being very rude nd unkind, and I’d sit next to someone else.

I have to do this sometimes as the lady next to me can often sing out of tune and I'm checking my own pitch to make sure I'm not going off key. I don't put my whole hand over my ear, just my middle finger and I use the hand away from her side, so she doesn't see.

Singing alto can be difficult and it's off putting if you're next to someone who can drag your brain off your correct notes.

Maybe she’s still learning her part and going from the page, and is concentrating on getting it right. She won’t be allowed do it in a performance so just ignore her, or quietly request a move from the choirmaster. Maybe she’s just annoying! Is her name Helen? 😃

Is this her?

Thank you! It’s a lovely little community choir and the choir leader is very approachable; I’ll have a word with him. I don’t want to be put off by this as I love singing, and have made friends in the choir. I think reading through most comments, especially from experienced singers, the lady in question is doing this to help herself, nothing to do with me. I think I will ask someone to check my tuning though! Just in case I’m wrong about singing in tune! 🤣🤣

I’m surprised you aren’t sure if you are singing in tune or not!

Well I was sure (checked my singing scale with my piano/made sure I was singing the same as the other altos etc), but as others have pointed out, how can I be absolutely sure? That’s why I’ll ask someone to check for me!

I do this to make sure I’m in tune, it’s really hard to hear yourself with a full choir singing.