DP hates spending money - red flag?

[SunChasing]

Well he doesn’t openly hate it - but he refuses to admit he needs to be a bit more free and enjoy what he earns.

Background, we own our house (have a Mortgage), have an emergency fund and seperate savings etc.

DP takes home c.£3000 a month. He spends c. £1000 a month on his share of the Mortgage, bills, his car/gym membership etc.

He then budgets about £100 a week for food and £50 for social e.g if we go for a meal or see friends etc.

He then saves the remainder so at least a third of his take home.

He only buys clothes if he really needs new ones and never treats himself for gadgets or any bigger purchases. It’s a bit of a stretch to him to want to spend a load of money on a weekend away as that comes out of his savings pot.

Am I being unreasonable to suggest he should just be a bit more ‘free’ and enjoy his money? He can still save at the same time.

I think this really depends & you haven't given enough info to really know.

What's he like in general? Is he kind & generous towards you?

Do you enjoy a social life together?

Do you have kids?

Could you start a joint account/pot separate from the mortgage bills account that is saving for weekends away/nights out etc? A small regular amount would soon build up and make him feel less like lots going out at once. I am a bit like him but I do enjoy myself - I just don't need loads of stuff (like new clothes) and I like stuff that doesn't cost loads (walks, bike rides etc). I am saving to clear the mortgage and that is my priority though equally we just went on a massive holiday and I was fine to budget for that with regular saving. What is he saving for? Do you enjoy doing the same stuff?

It’s tricky, cos clearly it’s his money to do what he likes with, but if it’s stopping you from doing things as a couple, it’s a problem!
Did this not raise its head before you bought a home together?!
You need a good sit-down chat about what you each want from life. Should flush it out.
Good luck! x

If you've both covered living expenses and you're still going out and doing things together where he's not expecting you to pay for everything then what's wrong with him saving his money?

Yeah he is kind and respectful. One young DC so social life isn’t what it was but we do make time to allow the other to see friends and do the odd date night when we have a babysitter.

I am not sure what the issue is, unless there is going to be a drip feed that you are a SAHM to multiple children and he doesn't give you money or rations what you have.

It sounds like he covers the costs of bills, has money for food and for socialising. What do you want him to spend it on?

As long as he doesn't deprive the family and puts enough in the family pot YABU. He obviously just doesn't want or care for "stuff".

Well that's a good start.

Did you have equal savings? Is it niggling you that he's stockpiling all this money separately for himself?

Does he treat you to things ever? Surprise you?

If you do go out for a meal or night out is he pennypinching?

We want to move house at some point which would mean lending more and he thinks the more he saves the better position we will be in. But 1k a month won’t really make a difference in the grand scheme of things given how quickly prices are rising, if you know what I mean?

Do you work OP?
Do you manage to save?

Doesn’t treat me that often these days aside from the usual occasions, but is good when it comes to birthday/Christmas presents.

I have more saved than him but I am a bit older.

I'm not sure i really see what your issue is in this case so?

Does his saving leave you short of money for your needs ?
For example a friend of mine only has her hair cut if one of us friends treat her because her husband is a gobshite saver, unless of course he wants to play golf, or buy a new bit of kit 😡

I think he's doing about right. I'm not sure what your expectations are?

I’m not sure why it’s an issue or for you to decide for him really. I mean that gently as in it would be a non issue for me and I wish DH liked to spend less money myself! He likes to save his money. Does he want to go away for weekends and does he enjoy that? Do you spend quality time together in other ways?

I feel like the way we spend money as a society now is really far apart from how it has been for decades. This endless spending of “disposable” income is relatively new. I don’t remember my parents or grandparents going away or constantly spending money. Lots of low cost or free days with friends and family and quality time. Less gadgets.

I basically never buy new clothes or gadgets. But I do like to travel so that’s where a portion of my money goes.

Not enough info.

Do you as a couple have any savings ?

So you want him to not save £1k a month and be more reckless with money when you're trying to save for a new place and the cost of everything is going up??

Yep, great logic!!

He sounds responsible to me…

There's not really enough info, but if that is his money to do with as he wishes, then he gets to save it.

It's a bit controlling to want him to do with his money what you want him to do rather than what he wants financially.

@SunChasing We've moved house last year and paid an additional £30k from our savings towards moving costs. This included legal fees, estate agents bills, removal costs, stamp duty & broker's fees.

Your dp is wise to save towards the moving costs rather than add it on to the mortgage.

He just sounds like he doesn't attach much value to some of the things that you do ie holidays so not willing to part with his cash on this. We don't spend much on holidays either. We generally prefer to be home but both of us agreed on this. He is covering bills, saving and is good with presents. I am also not sure what the issue is.

How often do you treat him? What would you like him to be spending his money on?
Do you have an equal income?

You probably won't get it in the neck because he's not a high earner....but saying saving £1k per month is pointless is a) stupid and b)something beyond most people's wildest dreams.

And it's borrow, not lend.

What do actually want him to DO with it?

I think we’ve actually married the same chap…
it’s sensible esp if he’s hoping to invest in house together BUT do not let yourself cover his bits eg covering the cost for DC more /days out etc.

i always agree the extra ££ being spent every so often would be more enjoyable.