To think many stay-at-home mums would leave their husbands tomorrow if they had their own money?

[PlumShark]

“I love him” or “I’m trapped?”

Profound. Very profound.

Did it take you long to formulate this thought?

This seems a teeny bit of a sweeping statement....

What the fuck are you going on about??

I don't think it's a SAHM thing more than anyone else. I'd imagine that lots of people stay longer (or forever) in relationships because they can't afford to run two households - especially if there are children. I doubt it's more likely with SAHM particularly.

Do you think many mums who work outside of the home would leave their partners if they had a higher salary ??

Bad work day?

How many married women have you asked this question.

Have you asked a equal number of men the same question ?

Mutually assured destruction, each partner will lose the lifestyle to which they are accustomed.

Why stay at home mums? I think that there are definitely women (working or not) who wish they could leave a relationship but are not financially able to do so.

No but it would be stupid to pretend that nobody is trapped in relationships due to finances

You’re welcome to disagree but sarcasm isn’t much of a counterpoint.

The person I know that is in this situation works. Unless you're earning enough to maintain an equivalent lifestyle off your own back there's always going to be financial considerations.

If you’re confused, feel free to scroll on.

Possibly, yes - financial independence can be a huge factor in whether someone feels able to leave an unhappy relationship, regardless of whether they’re a SAHM or working outside the home. But I think for stay at home mums, the financial dependence can be even more acute. If you’ve been out of the workforce for years, you might not just lack income - you might also feel like you’ve lost bargaining power or confidence. That kind of structural reliance can make it much harder to walk away, even if you want to.

Nope, just thinking out loud like everyone else here.

It’s not based on a survey, just on a pattern I’ve noticed in conversations, posts, and real-life dynamics. And no, I haven’t asked men the same question… partly because the stakes and power dynamics often aren’t the same. That’s not to say men can’t feel trapped to but I think financial dependence plays out differently for many women, especially those out of the workforce.

I think a lot more women would be single if they earned enough to fully support their own household and children to their desired level without the need for the current partner.

Just like I’d stop working tomorrow if I had enough money in the bank to do so.

Why though?

Maybe it’s just the bigger the adjustment you have to make the more likely you are to stay put.

And that encompasses many things not just financial.

Nope. I was a SAHM for 8 years. Married with reasonable assets. DH earns enough that we'd still both be comfortable if we split. 'I love him' is my answer.

Rubbish.
Where do you get this idea from?

Yes financial dependence can affect women in all kinds of situations, not just SAHMs. I focused on them because the gap can feel even wider when someone has stepped away from work for years and doesn’t have independent income at all. But you’re right - even working women can feel stuck if the pay gap is big enough or if they’re shouldering most of the childcare and home responsibilities. It’s layered.

Whether a woman is a SAHM or simply never bothered to develop a career that can sustain a household, of course those women are more likely to put up with bad marriages and even abuse. Women with resources often stay as well, but it’s much easier to walk away when you aren’t going to a refuge or trying to get subsidized housing.

Not all, but many yes, YANBU.

The number of women who post on MN say they cannot leave their abusive or uncaring husbands or partners because they are SAHMs with no money of their own is incredible.

Op, said ‘many’ not all. Why don’t people look beyond their own lives?