Male School staff inappropriate behaviour towards DD

[heatherwithapee]

DD is 14 (year 10). It has come to light that over the last few weeks a support worker at school (who she has been having one-to-one sessions with) has started behaving ‘weirdly’ towards her (her words).
She’s disclosed that he’s asked for her phone number, suggested they meet outside of school, asked to see photos of her doing her hobby, told her she’s ’his favourite pupil’ etc.

It’s been reported to school but realistically what can I expect to happen next? I understand that it’s her word against his (of course I believe her but appreciate that the school need to look after their staff especially when evidence may be difficult to obtain) but what’s the deal with safeguarding? She’s very worried about seeing him around school now that she’s reported him.

AIBU to think that he should be suspended pending investigation?

I wasn't saying that you were suggesting they weren't vulnerable at all. You've read that wrong. I also wasn't finding fault. I was discussing a point that is all. I dont disagree with what you said. I think you've read my comment in the wrong way and took the huff. Sorry if its come across that way. It wasn't intended to.

My point was that disabled kids aren't more vulnerable because of their disability. It isn't a disability that makes them vulnerable. Nothing at all makes a kid vulnerable apart from their proximity to a perpetrator.

If they are within proximity to a perpetrator then all children near that perpetrator are vulnerable. If there are no perpetrators then no child is vulnerable.

If this support worker deals with other students as well, I’d want to know if the school have spoken to them. Not everyone would share inappropriate behaviour with their parents, he might have form.

Ok, I know what you're saying - a predator will prey on whoever they can if the opportunity arises. But sadly though, it is their disability that makes disabled children an easier target for predators. One to one support, for example, offers ample opportunity - which is why rules are in place to manage this. SEN kids are more likely to need one to one care. Another is that many kids with, for example, ND don't have the same understanding of appropriate/ inappropriate boundaries that peers of a similar age do. Therefore, they are targeted precisely because they're unlikely to 1. Know that what is happening is grooming 2. Report it to someone. And 3. Even if they do report it, their account is less likely to be believed. As I said, they are three times more likely to be abused as a result of their disability. It's the same reason that fraudsters, for example, target a specific demographic (older, less tech savvy).

Of course all children in that school are at risk from this predator. But some are more likely to suffer actual abuse than others. Because predators take the easier opportunistic route.

Yeah that was my point that all kids are vulnerable with a predator in the school. No one is safe.

Oh yes the stats still stand. They are three times more likely to be exposed to police reported abuse.

The main perpetrators however are children when it comes to child sexual abuse. 52% of child sexual abuse is from child on child abuse.

However all kids are ND!

What do you mean? All kids aren't ND.

There is no such thing as a typical brain so NT cannot exist as all brains are different and all brains process things differently. The term ND was created specifically to talk about how all brains are different. It wasn't created to talk about a specific group.

Gosh so the school would have required your daughter to give her number over so they have evidence via the messages he then sent. Appalling.

It’s wonderful that your daughter immediately recognised this as inappropriate behaviour and spoke to you about it.

What you're talking about is the difference between neurodiverse and neurodivergent. Neurodivergent is typically used to describe those whose brain function variation is different from the majority has an underlying pathological cause such as autism or adhd - i.e. those who can be described as disabled in some way to a point where it impacts on their every day life. So no, not all children are neurodivergent. All people are neurodiverse. Unless you're saying that autism and adhd don't actually exist?

It’s easily proved - who are the friends she was meant to be with? Have school spoken with them to confirm his story?

Nope I am talking about both as all brains are different and develop differently. So within the whole brains as a group - each individual displays divergence as there is no norm. The label has been adopted to talk about a specific group. As for ADHD existing? I believe the children display a range of behaviours but are they all ADHD? Nope I do not believe so. I have seen kids suffer abuse and their behaviour change and then labelled ADHD when they reacted to the abuse. I think many ADHD diagnosis are kids suffering trauma after abuse and their trauma is ignored and they are given a label instead. It is pretty common especially when there is ongoing abuse to purposely avoid counselling as the abuse is continuing and the parents do not want that uncovering so seek another explanation for the behaviour that deflects from theirs. I also think that we as humans these days live a massively still live - having to sit still for hours on end both at school, work and at home and of course that will have an impact on how we feel and our need to move. I do not think calling kids abnormal is acceptable.

What pathology do they test when they get a diagnosis?

Screening assessments for both adhd and autism include an assessment by a trained medical professional as to whether a person's difficulties are better described by another condition (anxiety, OCD etc) including as a result of trauma. To be honest, we could have a whole different thread on this (and in fact there have already been many), but conscious that we're hijacking this one. I'll just leave it here: nobody who is truly ND adopts a 'label'. They do however seek a diagnosis, which in most cases enables them to access appropriate support for their condition. I have two ND children. Neither has suffered trauma, in their case their neurodivergence is hereditary. I have never described either of them as abnormal. They do however have a healthy recognition and understanding of why they find life harder than their peers, which has led to acceptance of themselves, together with coping mechanisms that enable them to function better in society.

No, all that needs to happen is that a pupil says something.

Oh I agree we could and agree it is derailing. It is interesting that when diagnosing they do not seek to test for that pathological cause but rely on subjective questions. Sadly abusers will seek ADHD labels far too often to mask their abuse of the child and disguise the trauma responses as something else. The label calls them abnormal.

Op have the school said WHY your DDs allegation was dismissed so quickly. If I am understanding this correctly, the jokey comment with the group of kids, isn't in dispute, but it is another incident your child is talking about.
I think you have a right to know WHY this second separate incident is not going to be investigated further.

The creep is 100% in the wrong job. I hope your poor daughter is ok 🙁

I agree with this. If a kid talks about a posh holiday with their family you might joke about joining them, because it's clearly impossible. But no trained member of staff should ever joke about getting a child's number, or meeting a group of children out of school in the local area. That's not at all impossible, is very obviously forbidden, and I'm pretty sure the policies banning this (please say they have policies banning this) don't have a "but if you don't really mean it, you can joke about grooming" disclaimer. I think I'd ask the school what their specific policies are on such suggestions being made, something like: "Am I to understand that it's only inappropriate to follow through with the suggestion, but not to make such suggestions?" If they try to brush it off with he was only joking, these "jokes" have upset and distressed your child deeply regardless of intent. Worryingly, if such ideas are allowed as jokes then they are allowing predators to test the waters; if a child is unwilling to go along with it, then he can say he's only joking. The only sense I can make of this approach from the school is that they may need more evidence, and plan to continue to watch him to see if he's grooming others. But you need safeguards and assurances for your daughter in the meantime if that's the case.