DD not organised or studying for GCSEs- AIBU to step in?

[unsuresue2]

My 15, coming 16 yo DD is soooo disorganised, waiting on ADD assessment but shows all signs, and is dyslexic. Has been attempting studying over Easter hols but not sure much achieved at all. I spend hours last night trying to help sort out school notes and at least collect into subject, but no order or form. She gets overwhelmed, which is why I stepped in for this, but maybe should have at start of holidays? And write up a study timetable, or do I let her struggle on? I helped her last year actually make revision notes and revise for modules which she did much better in than ones she tried on her own….. but this time….. I thought she had learned. She does want to do well, just such a scatter brain!! I don’t know if I have the heart, the energy or if I should be such a helicopter…. But fear the consequences if I don’t will be her under achieving- when should I step in?? If at all?

Yes. Help her to organise her revision, monitor her progress and test her. If she is neurodiverse then she is at a disadvantage and needs support. Get her through these exams then worry about everything else later.

I'm in the same position here he keeps saying he has a week after the holiday to study too but I think he has underestimated things again

Could she work with a schoolfriend to together to plan a revision programme?

Yes I would help. I know some people learn how to do things like organising thier time or revising by being left to discover by themselves how to, but others need a teacher to guide them first.

Have a Google of techniques for ND people and how to revise effectively.

I am guessing it's a bit overwhelming so chucking it down, visual timetables, breaks with "rewards' etc might help (by rewards I mean a walk, time with friends, a TV show -not money).

Yes - help her.
I worked on the basis that decent GCSEs would allow them to do stuff in the future if they wanted to.
A levels were down to them.

What were her mock results like?
Is whatever she’s doing working for her (albeit not exactly how you’d do things) or is there a danger of very bad results?

Yes you should be helping her.

Help yes but as a dyslexic person myself be flexible in how yo organise. What seems sensible organised to a non ND person to me is a mess I can't work out. So work with her to find out what will supprt her dyslexia.

Absolutely create a revision time timetable for DD.

My DGD, mild ADHD (diagnosed), is also
a real scatterbrains. Spends all of her time jumping around dancing to K Pop. She’s 13, so not GCSE but end of term tests.

She said she didn’t want or need a timetable,
I think because she couldn’t get her head around the structure.

I made one for her, with colour coding, times and KPop breaks included. She thought it was cool and revised.

They do want to do well, and definitely need the intervention.

Yes, of course it's ok to step in and support with study admin and timetabling. It sounds like she needs it.

My 16 year old is diagnosed with ADHD and revision has been a nightmare. I have to remind, prompt and sit with him to get anything done although he does willingly go to after school revision lessons. I am doing much more than I thought I would have to but we are nearly there. He also has a maths and English tutor which has helped.

So helping your child to study is a waste of time is it ?

That’s a new one for me.

And how you connect stepping in to help her study with ‘supporting her until she’s 35’. That’s quite a leap!

Yes, irrespective of whether or not she receives a diagnosis for ADD, she clearly lacks the executive skills needed to meet the demands of school. I can recommend a book called Smart But Scattered Teens which will help you use the right strategies for your dd's needs, to assist in developing her executive skills.

The reality though is that it is quite late to be developing strategies to help with her GCSEs (though absolutely worth doing anyway for adult life). Have you spoken to her school SEN team about how they can support? She doesn't need a diagnosis for them to support her (and assume they're helping her for the dyslexia anyway?) If you can afford it, I would recommend going private to speed up any additional support she may need - including medication. Getting a diagnosis will mean she can have movement breaks and 25% extra time during exams too.

14yo ds has just been diagnosed with adhd (privately). Diagnosis and medication for him has been a game changer, and combined with the strategies outlined in the book I've recommended, we're more positive about his chances of reaching his potential. The reality is, that whatever schools will say about children not needing an ehcp or a diagnosis to benefit from support, our own experience has been that particularly for a child with add/ adhd, the default position from teachers is that a student is not trying hard enough, is lazy, deliberately disruptive etc and only a formal diagnosis really challenges that understanding - particularly if your child is highly unlikely to meet the threshold for an ehcp.

Get the GCSE guides theyvsay exactly what they need to know to get good grades sometimes the exact words matter.

Ask her questions based in the guides but try and make it fun with little reminders.

Yes. Definitely help her to organise herself and keep focussed. You say she is overwhelmed, she likely won’t get through that by herself and you could help alleviate pressure and help her through.

I’m appalled by the person above who so strongly talks about wasting time and babying. Please don’t take one bit of notice of this dreadful and dated advice. It’s easy to lack empathy when you talk about someone else’s life.

Your DD’s age is irrelevant. She’s someone you love who really needs some guidance at a pivotal moment. If your cup is empty, can it come from somewhere else? Even engaging a tutor for a few weeks could make a difference.

I stepped in for my scatty (not adhd level though) teenager and it definitely helped. He was also quite grateful for the support. He also had no idea of the difference between productive and receptive knowledge and really really thought that if he could read and understand it that would do..

That is unnecessarily nasty.

OPs daughter has dyslexia which is well known to affect not just reading but also processing and organisational skills.

Of course OP should support her daughter and help her get on the right track for revision

Our daughter also has dyslexia and we did loads of revision with her largely because she finds it much easier to learn from discussion and q and a rather than just reading.

The end result was that she got wonderful GCSEs and A levels and is now at uni.

She is independent and hard working and I think it highly unlikely we'll be doing her washing at 35 🙄

Absolutely help this is not a sink or swim moment! They have over 20 exams I would say all GCSE students need support in one way or another. My own took a real break over Easter which was a bit concerning but they obviously needed it. Effort just kicking in here whereas some of their friends have been flat out and some have done nada.

I am trying to help by pointing out to focus for exams in sequence e.g picking study up for later exams over May hols. Also testing with flash cards, say 30mins per day one subject.

Whats your dd predicted @unsuresue2 can you make sure she’s ready for maths and English otherwise it will be resits required? I would target help based on where they are struggling most in subjects.

Other ways trying to help and show support are through good healthy food and plenty of hugs and nice plans for post exam. Poor kids they can’t overhaul this curriculum /exam heavy system quick enough!

Definitely help her, it is only for the next couple of months and the outcome will have an impact on her future study options. I literally fed information to Ds2 because he really didn't understand English Lit/Lang. All his other subjects were 8s/9s but he was a 4 in these. He got a a 7 and an 8 in the end in those. Youtube is great for teachers sharing their exam strategies and how to answer questions. Past paper mark schemes are the key to unlocking what gets marks. That and any revision guides she has. She needs to be tested not just reading through stuff.

And no I didn't need to help him with his A levels or with his degree. To the one person saying don't help some people do this with money, with either private school or tutors. It isn't a level playing field and I would sacrifice my time to help my child succeed.

There is a website called savemyexams it has all that they need clearly laid out and can keep track of what they’ve done etc.
It saved my ds last year (recent, post gcse adhd dx but no dyslexia)
Sometimes having a parent trying to create the structure etc at times of heightened stress can make things worse, bring in demand avoidance responses etc. Everyone is different but there is no way my son would have engaged if I’d done what you describe for him.
this website gave him some of the structure he needed and despite doing it all at the last minute he did pretty well.

Yes, help her.

GCSEs are really not the time to be used as a teaching moment on how to sink or swim; the implications for her future - and ultimately yours for the next few years - if she doesn't get decent grades in at least a few core subjects are far too large.

Wow aren't you the charmer! oP my ds is not dissimilar. He just recently received a diagnosis after years of waiting and starting on meds has helped him but it's all quite last minute. The amount of files and folders and notes would overwhelm most people. I'm a teacher so have a bit of an advantage in that I understand papers, mark schemes, exam board websites etc. I've been printing off papers and giving him revision guides and just that. The rest is cleared away. He does about two hours a day.
Unlike what the poster I quoted said, I think if she's doing decent revision in school and keeps focused on each paper at a time, and she did ok in Y10, she's likely to do ok. The key thing is what's next? My ds only needs a few 4+ to get to his college course and got now that will do. Resits are possible and it's not the world's end of that is needed. Help her organise, offer to test, check, read over etc but constantly reassure her she is not alone and life will continue if it goes wrong.

Help her! For my ADHD son I made a timetable with him, so I just helped him to be organised. Once he had it infront of him, he was able to stick to it. We made it realistic and I put in free time sessions so he knew he had plenty of that and could see it visually. Does your DD have study leave? My kids don't, so the timetable in evenings after school is limited. My kids' school recommend sessions of 25 mins with no distraction, no music or phone in sight. Then a 5-10 min break. She could maybe do 3 of these on school nights. They also recommend not just information 'overload' but doing practise questions. There are various sites where you can do this in BBC bitesize as just learning info doesn't stick so ends up being a waste. You need to learn then do a 'retrieval' practise session.

I wish I'd had more info for my eldest as he was the one who needed it (different school).

If at all possible, I would throw money at it.
Forget organizing her notes. Get a revision guide (for the right board) for each subject delivered off Amazon tomorrow. Spend today creating a revision timetable, and going through the notes you made for her mocks if they still exist.
Concentrate on units she has before has term.

Good luck!