DD not organised or studying for GCSEs- AIBU to step in?

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My 15, coming 16 yo DD is soooo disorganised, waiting on ADD assessment but shows all signs, and is dyslexic. Has been attempting studying over Easter hols but not sure much achieved at all. I spend hours last night trying to help sort out school notes and at least collect into subject, but no order or form. She gets overwhelmed, which is why I stepped in for this, but maybe should have at start of holidays? And write up a study timetable, or do I let her struggle on? I helped her last year actually make revision notes and revise for modules which she did much better in than ones she tried on her own….. but this time….. I thought she had learned. She does want to do well, just such a scatter brain!! I don’t know if I have the heart, the energy or if I should be such a helicopter…. But fear the consequences if I don’t will be her under achieving- when should I step in?? If at all?

This is an interesting thread for me as DD (year 10) is continually let down by her revision.

However, I myself am completely overwhelmed by all the notes, bits of paper, multiple ways of doing revision, none of which are how it was in my day.

And so I feel like I can’t help her, because I get overwhelmed and frustrated and fall apart. I just look at the mess of it all, think “why the fuck can’t they use textbooks?”, throw up my hands and walk away.

If anyone can suggest a single, straightforward resource for a parent to help their child I would be very grateful! No additional needs to DD (but maybe for me? Who knows?!)

Studying for anything with ADHD is a nightmare, I feel her pain! I didn't study at all for my GCSEs and I did alright. I tried my best to study but I just could not do it! I remember getting so stressed out with it. I didn't understand why I couldn't concentrate or retain any of the information.

It's most likely not her fault so please don't get annoyed with her or think she's being lazy - I can guarantee she wishes she could study like everyone else and she'll be getting upset and frustrated with herself.

What I've learnt over the years since is that gamifying things can help. Is she doing any languages for GCSE? If so, get her on apps like Duolingo and Memrise. Have a look for GCSE maths games - BBC Bitesize used to be good. Sparknotes for English Literature.

She can't do hours a day like everyone else, she's got a condition that messes everything up for her. Focus her on trying to do something each day. Something, anything is better than nothing.

If you can afford it, you could get her a maths and English private tutor, or whatever her weaker subjects are. The main GCSEs she needs are maths and English, ideally science too if possible.

As my previous response, Smart But Scattered Teens. It will help you define her most prominent executive skills weakness and take it from there. You can ignore anything that doesn't apply to your dd (you may find it's quite a lot you can ignore, and you may find areas you hadn't expected to see). It avoids labels, so is written not from a perspective of diagnosis, but skills that require improvement.

Yes I would help especially if she wants you to, 15/16 is still quite young and some of them need more help than others to get the hang of how to revise. If she can get good enough grades especially in maths and English that’s much better for both of you than if she were to fail and have to do resits.
Whatever she wants to do next college/A levels start stepping back then

My y11 dc has an autism diagnosis and is awaiting ADHD assessment.

Of course I give extra support. The neurodiverse brain needs the extra support, and who else is going to give it?

I made a revision timetable that started from mid-March. I check in regularly to ensure revision is happening on-track. Neurodiverse dc need a lot of reminding of how to break tasks down and just do the next achievable step, they get overwhelmed too quickly if they spend too long looking at the big picture. They also often need reminding that perfection isn't required, and spending 45 minutes achieving something that can be done in 45 minutes is better than spending 90 minutes panicking and achieving nothing because doing the task perfectly would require 180 minutes.

This isn't support you can just give once in y10 and expect her to not need it again. She's not going to "learn" how to not be neurodiverse. She may learn to seek out different ways of creating the same support structures using technology rather than your own input but that's not something she'll manage in the next couple of weeks, so she needs you, now.

@Ddakji I recommend getting revision guides for each subject. Make sure you get the one for the relevant exam board (different subjects may be from different boards so do check). We found CGP very helpful. They do workbooks to.
Spark Notes do good guides for England Lit texts.
BBC Bitesize website was good for explaining basic principles - especially maths and science.
Lots of YouTube tutorials are helpful too science and English in particular although I can remember the names (GCSEs were a few years ago in this house!).

If you can afford a private diagnosis go for it so she can try the meds asap - game changer for my son he just uses them for exams. Pushed his grades up 2 levels in a few months for GCSEs.

I’m the parent of a 20yo DC with ASD/ADHD and I have always helped support with organisation of revision notes, studying, sensible timetables etc. Even now in final year uni he still needs support - not with the actual assignment writing, but with study time allocation and help with focus. He has uni DSA support and takes meds for ADHD but even with all that he still needs help. Probably always will. It’s hard for DC with these conditions. Really hard.

PP is right in that the ND brain will not necessarily cope with endless hours of study and short targeted periods (25-30 mins max) with plenty of rest breaks are best.

You have had lots of good suggestions OP so I will just add, please don’t feel that she ‘shouldn’t need help’ or that you’re ‘babying’ her. Neurodiverse students inevitably need more help than those who are not neurodivergent. Good luck to her (and you-it’s tough work supporting our DC).

Savemyexams.com replaces all
of the things you list, has it all in one place and although you have to pay it is much cheaper than getting revision guides for each subject which are almost a tenner each.
I have already mentioned this on this thread but I just want to share again as it helped my ds (and me) so much

They’ve had months to prepare so why have you left it into until two weeks before!?

We have had a parents night at school months ago with ways to support them. Plus school has been doing revision sessions at lunch and after school since January.

Lean on the school. They provide all the resources and information they need. It’s not as complicated at some parents on here are making it out to be.

Her school have lots of resources, yes, but that’s what I find overwhelming - just too many options to choose from. But I will encourage her to go to every subject clinic they are running!

This sorry. But if she is motivated, but simply overwhelmed due to her ADHD you should have been helping for the last six months.

If she didn’t have a learning difficulty and was just a lazy teen then that’s different.

Isn't it odd how kids can't just be disorganised, or a bit too fond of procrastination / lazy anymore.

Always the boilerplate of labels

I wish I’d had help! I honestly had no idea what “studying” involved, for me it was sitting by myself at a desk for hours every night not achieving anything.

Just sitting in a communal area to do homework would’ve been a huge improvement.

@titchyand @BlondeMummyto1 I hear what you are both saying but my whole point is that I thought I was fostering her independence, after very willingly hand holding last year, I thought she was under control and more organised than she was- I too am overwhelmed by the prospect to be honest but willing to do so if required- and what I am hearing is that it is very common and necessary for a lot of other Mums.
I wasn’t sure if I needed to step in fully, always cajoling and encouraging, but evident to me that lot more to do in short space of time😞
And feeling guilty enough on my own thanks

Thank you - I think revision guides is what I’ll go with. I would prefer not to rely too much on stuff online and am happy to pay for that - DD is enormously distracted by YouTube etc, so keeping her off screens is a bonus! But BBC Bitesize is great.

My Dc is adhd and mild Asd diagnosed and he is not interested! He has done very minimal revision despite me sitting with him, writing notes etc and said woild you have wanted your mum revising with you which would be no but she was working during my 6 week study leave although he does not get that. He does go to after school lessons but I swear he thinks I’m taking his GCsE!
I do help sort all his books and folders but pulling my hair out!

OK, I'll bite. I have 3 children. Only one is like this, the other 2 are fine, so it's nothing to do with upringing. What do you think makes one child lazier and more prone to procrastination than another?

Actually my DS1 (the one with ADHD) is probably the most hard working of the 3 as he's always had to work hard just to survive in the classroom. He's also the one who would stick to a revision plan with no deviating once he's been helped to create it. He's not lazy but he is disorganised without support.

Yes absolutely you should be helping her. Don’t you want her to reach her full potential in the exams? Help her do herself justice!

can’t believe you have to ask

Buy her large sheets of paper and a multi coloured pen. Show her how to make a mind map. Get her to colour code on the Mind map eg. social reasons in red, economic reasons in green, political reasons in blue etc. Buy her some blank revision cards and show her how to pick a mini topic and bullet point the most salient points. Get her to write an essay, then critique it for her suggesting 7 new points and ask her to decide where the new points would go. Buy her the revision guides then test her on them. Help her think up mnemonics to aid recall. Lots of things you can do to help her to be organised, buy her different folders for different subjects rather than put everything into one, nice highlighters in different colours. She should have started long before now. A good tip for auditory learners is to tape your self reading out facts from a revision guide. Your brain listens to your own voice more than other voices. Play it back on the way to school by car/bus etc.

Would you overwhelm her by stepping in, it is great you want to help but if it overwhelms her it may do more harm than good

I totally get that you need to get a point where you can step back. I think it sounds to me like that's going to need to be a gradual process - maybe this year with more intervention. Then seeing the expectation that next year she's going to do more of it herself, but that you'll check in and make sure she's doing it/helping her plan. And then that the year after you reduce that down again so that ideally by first year of uni she's okay on her own.

Can’t believe you think this is a helpful comment.

I'd give as much help as she'll accept.

I'm in the same boat.

Over the last 6m I've been shouted at for:
asking how she likes to revise
Telling her how I revise
Questioning whether going out is an effective use of her time
Pointing out that just because all of her friends are away doesn't mean she needs to spend all day watching TV
Suggesting that one hour a week per subject through the year may not be sufficient
Reminding her that school have given her subject maps indicating what she does and doesn't know and they might help her to focus on the gaps
Asking questions about subjects on the syllabus
Suggesting that if she doesn't pull her finger out, she won't get the grades for college next year. (She wouldn't get in on her mock results).

I know she's anxious. However every time I open my mouth she flounces and slams the door and I make the situation worse.

I was allowed to sort the 2’ heap of paper on the kitchen table into subjects and put them in folders for her though so I totally engaged with that and she came and helped. Closest I've had to a win.