To expect a bit more from therapy than this?

[StoppitAndTidyUpNow]

Therapist just keeps on telling me how bad the things I do are, what a bad example I’m setting to my children, how I’m on-track to fuck both of them up and how I really need to sort myself out pronto or else…

I’m already quite aware of this. It’s why I came to therapy in the first place. I was hoping that she’d be able to help with some strategies for actually changing things though as I’ve clearly not managed to do it on my own. Her just lecturing me isn’t helping. In fact it’s making me feel worse.

Is this normal for a therapist? AIBU?

What do you mean by a therapist? Is it a counsellor?

How many sessions have you had? When I had therapy my first few were just going over what the issues were.

Clinical psychologist. She refers to herself as a therapist.

I've had pretty bad therapy in the past. Such a shame, as it can take a lot of courage to seek help, and then you put yourself out there and be vulnerable and are thoroughly let down.

I think you need to find someone else.

Hugely unprofessional. Can you switch to someone else?

Is she registered with the HCPC?

Sounds awful. I’ve had therapy twice and neither were like this at all. Immediately ‘sack her’ as your therapist and find someone else.

This.

Sounds like a very bad therapist. Every therapist I’ve had has discussed what I’ve trying to achieve from therapy and given or helped me develop tools I can use to help me reach the goals I’ve set with them.

I had one who occasionally strayed into some political opinion, which was bad enough, I haven’t had one moralize. Completely useless as a therapist, I would have thought, especially if they’re moralizing about things you’ve already said you want to change.

Are you in a position to pick and choose, OP?

Not how a therapist should behave in my experience. Unless this stuff you're doing is at a level like self-harming in front of your kids or something, I'd look for someone else. How did you settle on this therapist?

Yes she is. Totally legit, so no issues there. Very experienced. Very expensive.

As for how many sessions I’ve had, the answer is more than I care to admit. I don’t think that’s the issue either.

I keep thinking she's surely going to come up with some strategies but now I’m beginning to wonder whether she even knows any. 🤷‍♀️

Is she actually saying that outright, or are you FEELING bad after she’s guiding you to realisations about yourself that are uncomfortable?

If the former, that’s a bad therapist.

But therapists mostly don’t come up with strategies as such. It’s helping you find your own. Sounds like you might be looking more for a life coach

@AnotherNaCha Yes she pretty much has said that. And I do agree with her that I need to change. But I’m genuinely at a loss as to how.

My main issue is binge eating. Although my children are not old enough to be aware of this and I don’t do it in front of them. Could a life coach help with that?

Find yourself a different therapist. There is "no one size fits all" in this scenario. If she is not helping move on to someone else.
Good therapy can be life changing. Don't waste your time and money on someone who is not doing that for you.
Good luck!

I’d try hypnotherapy!

There will be a deep-seated emotional cause to your binge eating in all likelihood, but could take ages in therapy to unearth.

Solutions-based hypno is really good at getting you out of bad habits like that without going into the history of it etc. Worth a try and would likely be 6-12 sessions max.

Also, have you had nutrition and health advice? I sort of end up binge eating as the rest of my life is frantic, don’t eat properly and then am starving and stuff my face!

Either way, I’d try a new approach and a new practitioner

What are you doing to the children? She has a duty of care to them as well. Has she raised a safeguarding if she really thinks you are fucking them up?

@Nevertrustacop See above. No, definitely she is not thinking safeguarding concerns.

Thanks. Yes she has suggested seeing a nutritionist. I haven’t taken her up on it so far as I feel like I know what I should and shouldn’t be eating. I just struggle to stick to it.

Scrap the expensive therapist and try mounjaro…I was a binge eater and it’s totally changed my relationship with food

@AnotherNaCha is right, this is a subconscious issue which is why you’re struggling to find a rational solution; there isn’t one.

What is she actually saying. I doubt she is using those words. If you feel she is judging you definitely not the right therapist

I think you share your frustrations with her directly and either:

look around for your own strategies that you can then discuss in therapy (e.g. blocks around using them) e.g. DBT skills for emotional eating, mindfulness practice, journalling/morning pages, breathwork, food diary etc.

or

find a different therapist.

You've held on in a client-therapist pairing that you don't feel is working well and I wonder if this is feeding your distress? If so, either get it working better or find someone else.

There are lots of therapists out there. It doesn't sound like she is helping BUT I am curious about whether you actually want to change or whether you just feel like you SHOULD want to change? I'm wondering if you are a bit ambivalent about change and if she is perhaps picking up on this? She's perhaps 'catching' your frustration with your inability to change. (This is for her to explore in supervision by the way, not for her to fall into the counter-transference trap!)

Maybe her approach is to try to shock / scare you into action. Tough love etc

PS I agree that sometimes a medical approach can be helpful for binge eating or at least help create some space for a pause. Turning down the 'food noise' gives space to build new positive habits.