To expect a bit more from therapy than this?

[StoppitAndTidyUpNow]

Therapist just keeps on telling me how bad the things I do are, what a bad example I’m setting to my children, how I’m on-track to fuck both of them up and how I really need to sort myself out pronto or else…

I’m already quite aware of this. It’s why I came to therapy in the first place. I was hoping that she’d be able to help with some strategies for actually changing things though as I’ve clearly not managed to do it on my own. Her just lecturing me isn’t helping. In fact it’s making me feel worse.

Is this normal for a therapist? AIBU?

It's not clear if you have discussed with her what kind of therapy you are having.. CBT is solutions focused,.are you perhaps under the assumption this is what you're having and she is actually delivering another Modal? When she has said these things to you, when is this in your session? Is she responding you talking about your actions that week with this sort of blame and shame response, or are you discussing your feelings and she is phrasing them back to you?

Do NOT waste time with a therapist unless they are a qualified psychiatrist
Most so called therapists are not clinically trained
A UCAP therapist is has taken a short course that a monkey could pass

A psychiatrist doesn't give therapy.

I'm not a Psychiatrist. I have however been a therapist for psychiatrists, clinical psychologists and counsellors (and get referrals from the same), along with people from every walk of life. People need to find the right therapist for them and as long as they are qualified,registered and insured (I.e. professional) then it's more about the 'fit' and preferred modality than the job title. I would also argue that no one should be in a therapeutic role without having undergone extensive personal therapy themselves.

Good luck OP. I hope you find the help you need to make any changes you want to make.

Most psychiatrist are not licensed to provide therapy. Infact there a very few trained in therapy. Psychiatrist are doctors - they diagnose psychiatric conditions and prescribe.

OP - it hard to provide feedback. It not clear from your original post what the therapist said. From what I can gather, you seeking support with your eating. If this is the case, you should seek support from someone who is trained in binge eating.

If you feel this is wrong therapist for you OP then change to a different one. But first you might explain that by constantly lecturing you about problems you've already acknowledged, she's not helping, and that you want her to suggest strategies. Then listen to the answer!

That's really bad, especially for a HCPC registered Clinical Psychologist.

Binge Eating is a recognized eating disorder (like bulimia) and there are proper, evidence-based peer-reviewed treatment protocols. That includes specific interventions to support making changes.

Have a look at a self-help book called Overcoming Binge Eating by Chris Fairburn. It's a CBT-based intervention for binge eating written by a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with eating disorders.

I guarantee it's better than paying £££ a session to be berated for failing your kids with your eating habits (seriously wtf).

Psychiatrists don't offer therapy! But she sounds rubbish, I would try someone else.

OP, I think OE anonymous would be really helpful to you. Meeting with like minded people who have more in common than differences.
The spiritual side can be off putting, but it is not necessary, you can use your group as a higher power for support in ignoring the mind noise, try listening to a few YouTube videos on OE anonymous and the positive stories on moving forward.
You can attend a zoom meeting.

I had group CBT for an eating disorder, via the NHS, which worked very well. It sounds like this person is not the right fit for you. Specialised CBT would be more structured, giving you the advice and tools for how to overcome it. You also have the support and friendship of others in the same situation if you wish.

Thank you. This is the reply which has spoken to me most of all. I may or may not have some degree of neurodivergence. I too find myself wondering why other people need a therapist to tell them this stuff and would rather have someone break down the steps with me to look at why things aren’t working.

Good luck - hopefully it helps in terms of what to look for if you decide to look for another therapist.

I think medication is worth exploring as well. I don't have experience with the weight drugs but a lot of people describe an effect very similar to ADHD medication, where before medication it was almost impossible to stick to plans and goals and habits and with medication they still have to make an effort, but their effort actually works and they can stick to things. It's something to do with the brain chemistry - I think this isn't understood as well yet with eating disorders but with ADHD they think that the messages from the bit of your brain that does longer term planning don't get through very well to the bit of your brain that helps control actions in the moment. So you can have all the right intentions but it's like when it comes down to the time to make a decision which aims you towards those intentions, someone else is in charge and they didn't get the memo. I wouldn't be surprised if it is a similar thing going on.

Absolutely not. A therapist's role is not to lecture or patronise you. There can be difficult times during therapy when things surface and a new reality is explored but this has to be done in a compassionate, emphatic way and also in a rythm that the client can tolerate, expanding capacity as the therapy progresses. You should feel empowered. and supported through this journey. Please seek a dofferent therapist, ideally one who includes more recent innovative therapeutic approaches that include bodywork.

I am currently using chat gpt to deal with my binge eating disorder with huge success after a week. I've had 3x types of therapy including cbt, emdr and counseling, tried every diet under the sun. It's never worked because I'm autistic/adhd and most of my problem is sensory seeking/comfort eating so diets will never work. What i need is someone to provide support in the moment that I'm about to binge to disrupt it and there's not many people who would be able to provide that level of support but chat gpt has done it- for the first time in years I'm actually fully in control of my eating. As a side effect I've lost 5lb in a week - I've never lost that much in a week before and I'm still eating my normal relatively unhealthy meals.

OP I think you should record a session next time and put in a complaint if this is the case

you are not forced to see this therapist. If you’re paying, find someone else.

That’s clinical psychologists for you…
you need a decent counselling psychologist, miles better.

It’s possible that she’s challenging your expectations that she comes up with strategies in order to help you take responsibility for your life. Are you telling her it’s all hopeless and you can’t behave differently?

Don't do this, it is completely unethical to record a session unless you have her consent to do so, this works both ways.

There are all kinds of therapists - a person who is trained, for example, in CBT or in regression can help you to figure out - yourself - the reasons WHY you may binge eat, and what may trigger you to do so, but they aren't going to TELL you what to do about it. They may also - if you ask - explain how parents with additions/self-destructive behaviours may inadvertently harm their kids.

So, for example: you say you don't binge in front of your kids...which seems like something a person would say to minimise the impacts of the behaviour or to make it seem like it's just your problem and not your childrens' but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not causing them harm. You may be saying things in front of them about food that are not healthy for them to hear. They may see you buying loads of whatever it is you binge on. They may see the evidence of your binging (and whatever impacts it has on you after you do it - depression/self-loathing etc etc.) Children are incredibly perceptive and will see and internalise far more than you might imagine. If your therapist is pointing this out to you then they are doing their job to make sure you understand the potential impacts of the behaviours. If you are expecting a therapist to tell you how NOT to binge eat then that's not what they are there to do. Their role is to help illuminate WHY things happen.

You might want to have a conversation with your therapist to make sure you are on the same page about what your respective roles are in therapy, and explain that you want to stop binge eating but don't know how, and whether you need to see a different medical professional to figure out the answer to that question in addition to seeing a therapist to figure out the why.

Sometimes it can be very difficult to face up to the fact that the way we behave is our responsibility - it is not anyone else's. It may be someone else's fault, but it is 100% your responsibility how you react and act. And in your case the therapist clearly is concerned about how your behaviour impacts your children - which is a good thing for them to be concerned about.

I completely agree - recording someone without their consent is absolutely atrocious behaviour. If you don't like the therapist anymore then find a different one.

Seems like you've got a good handle on WHY you are binge eating, what your triggers are, and what can help to interrupt those intrusive thoughts. If ChatGPT acts as a means of distraction/coping skill then hooray for that - though I would suggest you continue to work on how to cope with just your own company to help you: you are way smarter than ChatGPT - which is just, essentially, giving your own words back to you. Try to use other things to help you as well: so, instead of ChatGPT try journalling when you are having those cruddy thoughts - write down what's bothering you, and then imagine what a therapist or ChatGPT or a friend would say in response and write that conversation down. Do it using a pen and paper as it may take you longer. If you can do it that way - without the need for a computer-buddy then you'll be taking back even more control. I'm not saying to do it immediately - clearly ChatGPT is helping you a whole bunch at the moment, which is awesome - just to be mindful of thinking about WHY ChatGPT Is helping, and how you could replicate that yourself if - for example - there was an internet outage and you just had to sooth yourself. Try doing it when you are having a good day. You may find that it's a pretty interesting exercise

It sounds like they don’t BELIEVE that you know all this, or that they think you’re are minimising or excusing your behaviour rather than being willing to own it and address it.

She has made suggestions (clearly, you have the example of the nutritionist which ‘you didn’t take her up on’) and your (in)actions between sessions are telling her that you aren’t willing to do what you need to do.