To tell parents I’m pregnant at 6 weeks?

[Fem1928374]

I’m 6 weeks pregnant with DC2, I already have a DS who has just turned 18 months and work full time so it’s full on. I’m suffering already with feeling exhausted and constant nausea/sickness.

My ILs are fantastic, they do 2 days childcare and help out whenever we need with DS. I know it would be super helpful if they knew I was pregnant as for example they would take DS to nursery 1 morning so I could sleep a bit longer or collect him from our house on their childcare days so I didn’t have to do the drop off feeling poorly. I would also like to tell my mum to have her support although she doesn’t live close by.

But DH is really reluctant and thinks it’s too soon. Wwyd? AIBU? I feel that if I miscarry I may need the support regardless.

I didn't suggest lying. If someone asks for some reason then you would tell them, with the caveat 'early days'.

Right. Well that's what I did, with most people. With my parents and PIL I told them as soon as I knew. With friends I answered simply and honestly if they asked. Everyone got the early days caveat.

Because there is no such rule as "too early". It can be too early for an individual, not as an arbitrary length of gestation that's the same for everyone.

It’s a very personal thing. You know your own family and whether you would want their support if anything went wrong. It doesn’t matter how many people say I told people straight away because I wanted support if I miscarried. People have different relationships that way. I never tell my family anything personal because they over react and make everything about them. It’s obvious why I didn’t say anything til 20 weeks. No one else’s experience really matters, it’s up to you.

Yes but all of the “early days” stuff stems from the idea that it’s shameful to have a miscarriage. Women must suffer in silence and not tell anyone else etc etc.

I think telling people too soon can get your hopes up too much, and make things feel even worse if you miscarry. I didn't consider myself properly pregnant until I had missed my second period. That way, I could tell myself that my early miscarriages were not "proper" miscarriages just a very heavy and very painful period.
I kind of hoped that if I told myself this often enough I would believe it.

The answer is whenever YOU, singular want. Not you and your husband. It's literally none of his damn business untill the baby is external. If you need support now, or want support later, the answer is now. Imagine trying to tell a woman when she can tell people about her personal health condition.

Some people prefer to tell later because they're very private and won't find support in others. That's how I am. I wouldn't have wanted to explain it to loads of people and my family are not the supportive type. No shame. But it doesn't really matter why any of us tell/don't tell. It really only matters how the OP feels. She needs to make that clear to her husband.

I told my dad at 6w as was ivf so had an early scan as was so sick thought was twins. Was hg

and told the world aka Facebook 😂 at think 7w.

mainly as if had a mc - people would understand why so distraught as took me 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf to get my one and only ever bfp !!

luckiky all was fine and stunned and amazed everyone and mini blondes is now 8

so yes I get why you want to tell them due to tiredness etx - you may have twins?

congrats

I have never thought this. Where has this idea come from? I have met it in another culture I am familiar with but not among people I know. A miscarriage is a great grief, but it is not a fault. No-one ever, ever has suggested this to me (and would have got short shrift had they done so).
My 'early days' comment is based on the knowledge that 1 in 4 pregnancies end before a woman even knows she pregnant (sometimes called just 'being late'), and then a large number end before the first trimester. That's how it is and everyone knows this.

Yes but the idea we shouldn’t tell people because it could happen comes from the idea that miscarriages are shameful and should be hidden.

I have never picked up miscarriages being shameful rather than sad in my culture. I have had it said - failed - in another culture I have been close to, and I thought that was an awful thing to say. No-one has ever said to me that to miscarry was either shameful (rather than a shame in the sense of miserable) or that I had failed. Ever.

We told our families that early on. I was pretty unwell for weeks so it would have been impossible to keep it secret even if I’d wanted to.
Whatever the outcome we would have wanted their support so we told them.
It’s your choice to make really.

It is a bit soon to tell people .But up to you.

I think it's fine to tell people very close to you such as parents as soon as you know! Just make it clear you don't want them to tell anyone else. If you feel very strongly about them not telling others maybe don't tell them yet just in case

I had a positive a home pregnancy test at six weeks pregnant in 1980. I didn’t know anyone in my peer group who took a sample to the GP and waited a week. I agree in those days you couldn’t test for so called chemical pregnancies the way they do now, so if they didn’t stick we didn’t know for sure, but I knew I was pregnant well before I tested.

Some of the replies just highlight the very different relationships people have with their parents, some of which are obviously not good.

I think it’s entirely up to the pregnant woman when she feels like telling.

In 1982 when I was pregnant for the first time, I bought a test which couldn't be accurate unless my period was ten days late.
It also took two hours to develop.

Even though it was strongly positive, I miscarried at 14 weeks. I nearly died from the blood loss, too.

And in 1985, I took part in a research project at King's College Hospital, where a blood sample was taken a week after ovulation and unprotected sex. This was the precursor of the six days early, pee on a stick test which was eventually developed. I believe the test was originally to diagnose pregnancy when women had had IVF.

I had to pay £10 for the blood test, and it was strange then to discover I was pregnant, a week before I missed a period.

He's 39 years old now. 🤣

Six weeks is a fortnight after the period was due. Not don't know the day you are due on or sometimes even before. It was 1990 had the doctor pregnancy test.

My doctor did tests at the surgery, but you had to be ten days late.
That was in 1982.

It is good that you felt emotionally okay but from personal experience I found it supportive that my family knew as I found it very difficult loosing a baby.

Very presumptuous of you to presume others would feel exactly like you and not need support.

I'm sure you would be devastated if you lost the baby, and would need their understanding and support, so tell them, and ask them to keep schtum. Everyone else can wait a few weeks.

We told close family/ friends as soon as we found out (4+5) for the same reasons as others have said, we'd need their support if anything were to go wrong. We waited until after 13 weeks to tell everyone else because if we did experience loss we would have wanted to grieve in private without every Tom, Dick & Harry knowing our business. But that was just us personally. Thankfully we now have a very healthy 9 month old daughter.

Congratulations.

I don’t know why you would have had a doctor test in 1990 unless you didn’t want to buy a home test. My daughter was born mid 1988 and by the time I was pregnant with her, early POAS tests and OPK tests were commonplace.

I'm not sure tbh. My maybe the hone tests were very expensive. But my friend and my cousin Aldo had their tests so at the same doctors so maybe that