To tell parents I’m pregnant at 6 weeks?

[Fem1928374]

I’m 6 weeks pregnant with DC2, I already have a DS who has just turned 18 months and work full time so it’s full on. I’m suffering already with feeling exhausted and constant nausea/sickness.

My ILs are fantastic, they do 2 days childcare and help out whenever we need with DS. I know it would be super helpful if they knew I was pregnant as for example they would take DS to nursery 1 morning so I could sleep a bit longer or collect him from our house on their childcare days so I didn’t have to do the drop off feeling poorly. I would also like to tell my mum to have her support although she doesn’t live close by.

But DH is really reluctant and thinks it’s too soon. Wwyd? AIBU? I feel that if I miscarry I may need the support regardless.

I don’t post it there because they are focused on conception and why upset them?

But reality is that 20 to 25 per cent of pregnancies don’t last beyond the first few weeks. Early miscarriages are extremely common and natural.

They mostly do very little harm to our bodies - indeed, it is very common to have a successful pregnancy just after an early miscarriage. Each of my children was conceived following a miscarriage. The same was true for my mother and aunts.

A late miscarriage is understandably a traumatic event.
Early miscarriages are emotionally painful if we’ve invested ourselves in the idea of a child. Physically, they are just part of the process for a huge proportion of women.

Wow, you're just a warm glow of sunshine aren't you? I think you should take your thoughts elsewhere. This is not the thread for you.

Bit harsh

Exactly the same view I had. If I'd want them to know, I told them. Absolutely my employer would know because I'd need time off, and my parents I'd need support from. My in laws we didn't tell as per my husband's wishes as he didn't feel their support was needed in case of pregnancy loss.
OP in your shoes I'd tell the in laws. Your DH is perhaps still believing this slightly older fashioned view that such things as miscarriages should be kept private and this contributes to the shame and sense of failure some women experience, wrongly, IMO. Tell him there's nothing to be embarrassed about. And potentially you might actually need IL's practical childcare help if you have to have surgery or stay in hospital a while for a miscarriage, HG, bleeding in early pregnancy. Much easier if they already know.

Op you are the one who is pregnant so you get to decide who knows and when. Your dps argument about mc is ridiculous....surely you wouldn't keep a mc a secret from close family members, you would want their support. I personally did tell parents and inlaws and one or two very close friends at work and that was invaluable because when I found out I'd mc they were all really supportive and even gave a less than tactful colleague a warning to stop asking me when I was going to 'get sprogged up'.

It's too soon to tell people. Six weeks is barely pregnant because you presumably are counting since your last period, but that's not how pregnant you are (which is why due dates are estimates) which currently we can't be sure about.

There's no such thing as too soon if you are comfortable telling people and aware it might go wrong. I told plenty of people around 6 weeks. My parents and PIL deliberately and other people as and when it came up. Wasn't interested in lying about it if asked

I also didn’t tell parents until later, around 6 months pregnant. My sister had told us all within minutes of finding out, everyone is different. I guess with a second pregnancy I might not be able to hide it for so long but due to various circumstances we don’t have lots of family help.

I don’t know why people equate not telling people in case of miscarriage as thinking that it is shameful - I think some people are just naturally more private.

@MoistVonL sorry to hear you have experienced miscarriage multiple times. I hope your pragmatic approach has helped you but some people would be very sad indeed to lose a pregnancy at 6 or 9 weeks, and even at those early stages not everyone’s body bounces back - a good friend has had 2 missed miscarriages at an early stage with complications because her body did not react as expected, the miscarriages were following IVF treatment so she had quite early scans as routine both times.

I felt pretty harmed by my second miscarriage at 6 weeks, especially when I had to go through medical and surgical treatment because my body just couldn't let go.

It reads like you're being deliberately unkind posting miscarriage statistics on this read. We all know them already.

OP I would tell anyone who will be the most supportive , especially if you're feeling sickly.

Personally I would wait a couple of weeks and tell them at around 9 weeks, when it's still early, but not quite so early.
Surely DH can step up a bit, and you can't be THAT tired at only 6 weeks with only one other child!

I couldn’t work at 6 weeks pregnant with no other children, due to sickness rather than tiredness, but I have been very tired with only one child so add early pregnancy on top and yes I do think OP could be THAT tired. Some people have a harder time than others.

I told my parents I was pregnant before my period was even late. The news was too big to keep to myself, and I knew I’d need emotional support if I had a miscarriage.

Go for it. And congratulations. 🙂

Congratulations OP! It’s a very individual decision which you should be allowed to do for whatever reason. If you want to tell your parents then just do it. Respectfully to DH he’s not the one feeling the way you are and needing the help you need. If he doesn’t want to tell his parents/ family yet fair enough. And I say that as someone who waited 12 weeks to tell ILs and 16 to tell my own parents. I will add we did have friends we did tell right from the beginning so we both had support - it’s just what felt right to us at the time and wouldn’t change it.

There’s no right or wrong just what feels right to you. DH should get on board and support you whatever your decision. 💕

Agree with this.

Your partner is meant to be your support. Don’t involve others so early.

My partner is supportive but he is working full time as well. I know my ILs well and they are already keen to help out more than they do, so it makes sense in my opinion to ask for a bit more childcare in the next few weeks? In my last pregnancy I felt much better by my 12 week scan.

It's not your job to tell anyone how soon it is to tell people. And, yes, she is 6 weeks pregnant if it was 6 weeks since the first day of her LMP. She conceived approximately 2 weeks ago, but she's still 6 weeks pregnant.

Yes, so she is actually 2 weeks pregnant, if we could set the date of conception. No, it's not my business but the OP asked, so I gave my opinion that just pregnant is too early to get everyone excited about it (I had three miscarriages, each between 10 and 12 weeks of pregnancy - I was upset, those I had told were upset, but the custom then was to wait till the first trimester had passed before making something generally known for the reason that early pregnancy so often does not progress).

Actually if she's 6 weeks pregnant that puts her around 2 weeks after her missed period and more like 4 weeks since conception.

Not that that changes anything. She is 6 weeks pregnant because that's how pregnancy is classified.

But pregnancy isn't measured from the date of conception! It's measured from the LMP. So she is 6 weeks pregnant. That doesn't mean she has been pregnant for 6 weeks.

It sounded like you were saying "it's too soon" as if that were a fact, rather than your opinion. Maybe that was me misunderstanding what you said. Everyone is entitled to tell whoever they want, whenever they want.

My children are now in their 20's. There was no custom at the time about waiting until after the first trimester. It's possible this is a cultural difference as I wasn't in the UK.

(Sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I know how fortunate I am not to have experienced that.)

Yes you're right. My bad. If she is 6 weeks pregnant she conceived approximately 4 weeks ago.

Not really, as OP's post was not about sharing the excitement of pregnancy, but about what extra support she might get. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I found out a day ago that I’m pregnant - estimated to be probably four weeks. We’ve told both sets of parents already. We’ve been trying to conceive for three years and this is a huge deal for us.

It’s fine to tell anyone who would support you through miscarriage or needing to abort due to the scan. I wouldn’t tell anyone other than partner until 5-6 weeks to make sure that the pregnancy establishes properly (modern pregnancy tests reveal just how common it is) but from this point onwards no need to keep it a secret unless you want to

Congratulations OP.

I told absolutely everyone as soon as I got a positive test! 🤣

Just wondering how your inlaws might react though. Will it mean more work and more childcare duties for them?

Why would you need support for a miscarriage at 6 weeks? I had them at 6 and 9 weeks and was better within a couple of days. At such an early stage your body bounces back in no time

OMG your body might bounce back at 6 or 9 weeks (although my friend nearly died from the severe haemorrhage) but emotionally, most women need a lot of support.
This post is dreadful.