To ask if you and your partner are like George & Amal Clooney

[JuneSoon]

And have never, ever had an argument in your entire relationship?

Cos that doesn't apply to me and DH 😁

Maybe they use separate houses or something. I’m not entirely convinced it’s not set up for mutual benefit.

SHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

We've had all our arguments now, and both know where we stand. Which is with me in the right 90% of the time 😁

No seriously, when we first got married we really argued like you wouldn't believe. DH would be the first to admit it's because he had issues and ongoing battles within himself which he would unleash on us all at home - and I would stand my ground, hence the arguments. In the last 5 years or so he's done a lot - A LOT - of work on himself, totally independently, and we are all reaping the rewards. He's a much happier man, much more settled an in control of himself and his world. I'm so, so proud of him for what he's achieved, it's really amazing. Makes me love him all the more 😍

Depends what you call 'an argument'. DP and I have the occasional disagreement where we have different opinions on minor things, but not really what I'd call an argument. We've never had a big row. In 22 years of living together, I don't think I've ever heard my DP raise his voice.

Ultimately, we're quite similar people with the same values and we just feel the same way about anything that would be worth arguing about. We're both very rational people, neither of us is prone to kneejerk reactions, and we're both really intolerant of unnecessary drama and big emotional outbursts, so it works.

I'm really glad we don't have rows, because in my previous relationships there were a lot of rows and arguments and conflicts and it was just exhausting. My brother and sister have always had relationships that were pretty tempestuous and my parents argued all the time, so I just thought that was normal until I met my DP and discovered it really doesn't have to be like that.

I never knew there were so many perfect marriages! But doesn’t it depend on temperament and who you’re married to? Sometimes you do have to stand your ground / fight your corner if you don’t have a perfect, laid- back partner where you can respect each other’s views and reach a perfect compromise without so much as a twitch. If I had never argued, I would be more like my friend who seethes inwardly but never voices her concern or want. So she has a life with little freedom or space for herself. My neighbour is the same so work on the house which it needs never got done. She raised it and didn’t want to be a nagging wife or argue so lives with it.

Of course others don’t need to argue because they live in perfect accord and never get on each other’s nerves.

I agree with comments about George and Amal. Lots of money and can be a wonderful thing!

We don't argue but if he is pissing me off I let him know and vice versa 😂

We’ve been together 35 years and married nearly 30. There was a bit of snapping in the early years (I used to have an appalling temper) but nothing else for decades. Like pps, we have very similar outlooks, expectations, ambitions etc and are very rational.

I am often mistaken for George Clooney.

And Amal Clooney, too.

We have never had an argument but have had difficult conversations and talked through our thoughts and feelings. I think when questions like this are asked it’s assumed that when you say you have never argued it means you have never disagreed, which is not the case. As a PP says, the approach to resolving conflict is key: we do not argue in order to find consensus.

That's absolutely fine, and obviously whatever works for you, works for you. But you know what's also normal and healthy, though? Not arguing.

I'm actually a pretty argumentative person, and so is my partner. We have plenty of heated debates with other people, just not with each other.

Our relationship definitely isn't dull. We're not just sitting there nodding and saying 'Yes, dear' - we're not Howard and Hilda from Ever Decreasing Circles. We talk all time about all sorts of stuff; we make each other laugh constantly; we've both got a pretty dark/edgy sense of humour so we joke about things we could never get away with joking about to anyone else; we tease each other affectionately all the time; we get passionate/enthusiastic/curious/angry about the same kinds of things.

I suspect it also helps that we don't have kids and we're both perfectly happy in our own company - we do loads of things separately and we're not at all needy/clingy with each other which I think makes a difference as we're not joined at the hip and getting on each other's nerves. Again, that's just what works for us; I'm not saying there's anything wrong with couples who are constantly together.

Exactly. I genuinely think most people conflate arguing with their perception of “passion”. I grew up in an argumentative household and all it did was show me that it was an awful way to live. I am by no means a shrinking violet, but what I will never do is needlessly argue with my partner when we can have a calm discussion about what is bothering us. No raised voices, no name calling. I don’t go around shouting at people at work, on the street, my friends etc. so why would I do that with my partner?

I’m not going to show the rest of the world my best and my partner my worst.

I grew up in a house where arguments came from a place of hatred and were served with a side order of spite so DH's lot openly disagreeing with eachother used to "Trigger" me (hate that word but anyway) until I understood that it was a quick drama and then forgotten rather than nasiness followed by days or weeks of seething resentment.
Once I got my head around that me and DH can argue quite happily and then move on, usually by offering a cuppa.

Oh god, the practical jokes… agree.

I totally agree. We don’t argue because I was shut down. That not good at all.

But why would he say anything different? He wants to make out that they have the perfect marriage. That’s their thing. But we will never know the truth. I’m sure I would argue less with my husband if I had a cook, housekeeper, valet, chauffeur, access to limitless funds etc. I don’t think you can compare their situation to normal folk. And arguing is Amal’s tool of trade so I am sure he gives her whatever she wants because he can.

Been together coming up 3 years. Married for 8 months. Never had a blazing row.

We have had the odd bicker when tired or particularly stressed. Dh's 16yo died last year in very tragic circumstances (see my other posts by all means) which probably means I am more tolerant with dh's moods than I would normally be.

We had a couple when the kids were young and we were both sleep deprived. But otherwise not really, and even then there was no shouting or name calling though we both made some unreasonable claims!

It’s not because one of us shuts the other down. It’s because our conflict resolution is cooperative. We disagree on things but don’t argue about them. We discuss with the goal of coming up with something we can agree on.

Beautiful!

it is an art to discuss peacefully when inside you are like « not even over my dead body » 😂😂😂 but a surely rewarding skill!

Has anybody else said ‘No. We’re not gay and pretending we’re not’ ?

We’ve had disagreements about various things which we’ve talked out calmly and rationally, but never had an actual argument…..which has simply proven to me that this is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in!
I’m quite “fighty” by nature. I always have been. When it comes to the age old “fight or flight” response, I’ve always been an instant fighter. I know I’m awful in an actual argument because I simply will not back down. In my younger years, I’d get into physical fights without a care in the world for my own safety 🥴
DH is the dictionary definition of cool, calm and collected. I have always felt safe with him in every sense - physically, emotionally. Everything. I know that if I’ve got an issue with something, I can bring it up with him and he will be wide open to discussing it, and problem solving. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him raise his voice in anger. And I think he is the reason why I’ve become a lot less “fighty” over the years. I am safe, so I feel no reason to immediately jump into fight mode. I have no need to overtly defend myself emotionally, physically or intellectually with him. Whereas every relationship I’ve ever had before him? I categorically did not feel safe enough to not do that.

I like to think that’s us.

I take no shit. After 25+ years we don’t really argue but my DH remembers to adult in our shared life.

Well after 23 years together I can safely say we have the odd bicker!
I assume George and Amel have never had money issues or the torture of an IKEA shop, juggling children and housework around full time jobs etc.
Also isn't she a humans right lawyer?? If I was George I wouldn't dare start an argument with her either.

Hmmm, we don't really argue. I actually can't think of any arguments we've had off the top of my head. Sometimes I'm a bit snappy or tell DH for doing stupid stuff. But DH never argues back because he usually has done something stupid! If I mess something up he won't ever tell me off because he knows I am really hard on myself and I'm already beating myself up about it!

I don't really get couples who argue all the time. If I argued with someone loads I wouldn't want to be with them.

We have one couple as friends who seem to hate each other! When they are around others it seems to be just occasional digs or comments (but really harsh things!). But then we sometimes hear about all the actual arguments. Just sounds nuts!

Oh god, we argue! I'm very argumentative though, I could argue with the wall.

I argue with myself when I'm on my own so of course poor DH gets an earful!