A word of warning for all those who would ‘never feed your child x’

[maybein2022]

Inspired by the chocolate cereal thread.

I am a huge believer in good, nutritious food, especially for kids and teens. We rarely had ready meals, almost all dinners were cooked from scratch. I did all the ‘right’ things, tried to provide balance, eg I didn’t outright ban foods, but we didn’t routinely buy things like coco pops or white sliced bread, for example. But if the kids went to parties or we ate out, they could choose what they wanted. If we went to the beach they got an ice cream. And so on.

But then my teenage daughter developed anorexia. All the foods I had, in the past, judged people for routinely giving their children (neurodivergence aside- I have worked with kids who can only eat certain foods/have ARFID) like coco pops, sliced white bread, cinnamon cereal, special k bars and the like became the very foods that keep her alive. Anything she is willing to eat, even tiny amounts of, even the most UPF you can imagine that a couple of years ago I would have never, ever dreamt of allowing in my home, goes at this point.

Yes, mostly non UPF food and a brilliant, healthy diet is of course the aim, with some balance for treats and so on. But until you’ve been faced with a child who is so severely unwell that ANY food is good food, you can’t say you’d ‘never’ give your child x food. You just can’t.

Sending support to all who need it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My son has ARFID except I didn;t know it had a name back then. Oddly he loved healthy foods such as fruit and veg but hated anything with a texture like meat or lumps in it. He would happily live off cucumber, carrots and strawberries but was getting little to no protein and was very underweight. So I began feeding him things like chocolate milkshakes, protein fortified chocolate cereal, smooth yoghurts and fromage frais and then when we discovered he could tolerate the texture of KFC popcorn chicken (I tried home made, it wasn't the same) & frozen fish fingers they became the main things he ate.

I think when you have a child with an eating disorder it’s very normal to look back on your own relationship with food through a completely different perspective.

My dd also developed anorexia as a teen (a response to lockdown) and the foods that healed her were butter, double cream, cake, chocolate, crisps etc. Food is medicine and all food is good food.

Now when dd helps herself to an extra biscuit or has an ice cream I do a little internal happy dance.

Def join us on the parents of teens with ED thread, it’s been a great source of support to me over the last few years.

I can confidently say I would never have coco pops and many other foods in my house due to food allergies. I could say posters saying everything in moderation etc are ‘laying burden’. My allergic children would love to have the freedom of choice, but they don’t. I choose to help them accept this with resilience rather than police what others say and do.
Editing as I was meant to quote JellycatsPyjamas

I really don’t get why you’ve taken issue with what I said. Of course you’re not going to feed your children things they’re allergic to. There’s rarely moral judgement made about what people don’t feed their children for whatever reason. In any food thread there are posters talking about not allowing their kids x, y and z and a level of one up manship that’s breathtaking.

Everything in moderation isn’t about feeding you child every single thing possible, it’s about recognising the need for balance and not assigning morally good and bad qualities to food. Ice cream, chocolate, breakfast cereal all have their place in the spectrum of food provision, people aren’t evil or uncaring because their children had cocoa pops for breakfast.

I think you make a very good and important point and it can be about perception.

I would suggest unhealthy is over consumption of ultra processed food, too much food without any nutritional values (sweets, crisps etc) or a diet lacking any colour other than beige. And of course sugary drinks. Of course it’s fine in moderation and again doesn’t apply to those people as mentioned who just need to get calories in.

Would I feed my kids sugary cereals? No, but that’s how I grew up and I have just passed that on. Have my kids been to McDonalds? Sure, more than once.

There are of course NHS guidelines on five fruit and veg a day and portion size on carbs, protein etc.

If a person isn't eating any fruit or veg or protein for that matter their diet isn’t healthy (again excluding those as mentioned).

I think the point is we can’t conflate having a food disorder or condition and a kid who will eat almost anything. Because in the latter a balanced and healthy diet should mostly be achievable.

Absolutely agree!

I have a fear of anorexia as a parent of girls, it’s why I pay lip service to healthy eating but ultimately I allow the likes of white bread and crisps be consumed daily. I’d love them to be eating porridge and quinoa washed down with broccoli and poached eggs but I suspect I’ll be waiting a whole.