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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argued with husband in front of our friends

87 replies

JessicaJJ · 22/04/2025 14:59

I am at my wits ends with my husband. We’ve both taken today off of work to give us a long weekend with with the BH, and met up with another couple we are friends with who have done the same for a walk and nice lunch. He usually works long hours M-F and is often working away so today was the first time he has done the school run since September. I am not joking when I tell you this is a conversation he had in front of all of us:

H friend - I bet you are glad you survived the school run
H - you never told me there was a new headteacher
H friend - what do you mean?
H - I’ve not seen tits like that since the sun stopped doing page three
H - If I’d have known before, I’d be doing the drop offs every morning

I ripped into him at this point, he went bright red and said he was joking. I didn’t care that our friends were there, this was so disrespectful and humiliating for me.

We’ve been home an hour now and he is still sulking saying I should have waited until we travelled home to bring this up. I disagree and think these sort of comments should be called out there and then.

He thinks I have had a sense of humour failure…

OP posts:
ohyesido · 22/04/2025 17:24

ginasevern · 22/04/2025 16:38

Men make these sorts of comments all the time but most manage not to do it when their wives are around. Most posters will imagine that their husbands would never (cluthing pearls) dream of uttering such sexist, disrespectful shit in a million years - but I bet they do - and if they're not saying it, they're certainly thinking it. Things will never change but you were absolutely right to shame him in front of everyone. Just don't have any more kids with him and consider whether you want your child brought up with his influence.

My DH has never had the poor grace to say anything like this in front of me, and I am confident that he wouldn’t think like this because he’s not a creepy sleaze.

Mrsphilmiller · 22/04/2025 17:48

restbite · 22/04/2025 15:09

I would divorce my husband if he said that

No you wouldn’t! 🫤

Ohmeohmygoodness · 22/04/2025 17:55

dogcatkitten · 22/04/2025 15:16

I was thinking the same: 'Have you seen the new swimming teacher he's hung like a horse, talk about budgie smugglers more like turkeys'

Show quote history

Why is it when someone behaves in a gross and disgusting way, or says something offensive, as OP's H did, some people think it's clever to sink to the same level?

What he said about this woman head teacher was inappropriate. So how would OP saying something inappropriate about one of the male teachers make her anything other than some one who deserves to be married to a sexist pig?

ginasevern · 22/04/2025 17:56

ohyesido · 22/04/2025 17:24

My DH has never had the poor grace to say anything like this in front of me, and I am confident that he wouldn’t think like this because he’s not a creepy sleaze.

Show quote history

Sadly I think you'll find that even the nicest men think about women's tits before their academic qualifications.

Boreded · 22/04/2025 17:58

Call him out on his behaviour and language toward women, yes…but you don’t need to make a scene. Roles reversed and you said something your husband didn’t like, would he have done this to you. I guarantee if you did there would be calls of LTB.

both ABU in this scenario.

Original poster
JessicaJJ · 22/04/2025 18:01

Boreded · 22/04/2025 17:58

Call him out on his behaviour and language toward women, yes…but you don’t need to make a scene. Roles reversed and you said something your husband didn’t like, would he have done this to you. I guarantee if you did there would be calls of LTB.

both ABU in this scenario.

I would contest it being a scene - I firmly made clear my feelings on his comments. No screaming or shouting.

OP posts:
WickWood · 22/04/2025 18:05

God, there are loads of threads like this lately of adult, fully grown males making rude and derogatory comments about women to their partner. I honestly do not understand. Why would he think that's an okay thing to say to you, with or without friends being present? I just cannot imagine any universe in which my partner would make a comment about a woman's body/looks to me. I'm sorry, its honestly insane.

Cucy · 22/04/2025 18:07

I think his comments were inappropriate but you ripping into him, turning it into an argument and making your friends feel uncomfortable was worse.

I would have said that’s “not appropriate” and changed the conversation to carry on enjoying the lunch with my friend.
Then I would have waited until afterwards and said what I needed to say.

AutumnLeaves24 · 22/04/2025 18:07

I'm tired. Very very tired.

I probably would've just said great, that means you can do all the school runs when you are home brilliant!!

sweetpickle2 · 22/04/2025 18:09

There have been so many posts recently where the OP's partner or husband says the most vile misogynistic shit, and it never exists in a vacuum.

If he's saying that in front of you, imagine what he's saying when you can't hear him. Gross.

Lorlorlorikeet · 22/04/2025 19:01

Who are these pathetic guttersnipe men? Making comments about a headteacher’s ‘tits’. Jesus. Men like that need wiping out. It’s 20-fucking-25.

NCForThatForumM · 22/04/2025 19:05

derogatory comments about women

Complimentary comments, you mean.

Boreded · 22/04/2025 19:26

JessicaJJ · 22/04/2025 18:01

I would contest it being a scene - I firmly made clear my feelings on his comments. No screaming or shouting.

Show quote history

‘I ripped into him at this point, he went bright red and said he was joking. I didn’t care that our friends were there, this was so disrespectful and humiliating for me.’

Sounds like a scene based on your first post. Apologies if it was not, you may have just not been making a scene on this thread when you wrote it

Boreded · 22/04/2025 19:27

Boreded · 22/04/2025 19:26

‘I ripped into him at this point, he went bright red and said he was joking. I didn’t care that our friends were there, this was so disrespectful and humiliating for me.’

Sounds like a scene based on your first post. Apologies if it was not, you may have just not been making a scene on this thread when you wrote it

Show quote history

And I guess my only point I’m trying to make is that if you posted

‘he ripped into me at this point, I was bright red and said i was joking. He didn’t care that our friends were there, this was so disrespectful and humiliating for him.’

then we would be getting told it was an abusive relationship and to get out fast.

LillyPJ · 22/04/2025 19:30

You were quite right not to wait until you were home. We should stand up to this kind of sexism in public as and when it happens and if DH was embarrassed about being pulled up for it, so what. Now he knows it's not acceptable.

DissDissOrDiss · 22/04/2025 19:36

I have zero problem with a man finding a woman attractive (and vice versa). First and secondary sexual organs are there for a reason. We all got eyes and a libido.

One keeps one’s baser thoughts to oneself out of respect for the object of desire and one’s partner. I would have done EXACTLY as you did.

Lindererer32 · 22/04/2025 19:38

You are married to a juvenile pig.

cocoloco23 · 22/04/2025 19:48

Cucy · 22/04/2025 18:07

I think his comments were inappropriate but you ripping into him, turning it into an argument and making your friends feel uncomfortable was worse.

I would have said that’s “not appropriate” and changed the conversation to carry on enjoying the lunch with my friend.
Then I would have waited until afterwards and said what I needed to say.

You genuinely think the OP calling her H out was worse than the disgusting way he spoke about his child’s teacher???

She didn’t turn it into an argument - he said something insulting and inflammatory which she responded to.

And as per her update - at least one of the friends was made uncomfortable by the husband, not by the OP. As I would have been.

It’s 2025. We don’t have to put up with men viewing us as objects any more. We have the option to call it out.

Cucy · 22/04/2025 19:59

cocoloco23 · 22/04/2025 19:48

You genuinely think the OP calling her H out was worse than the disgusting way he spoke about his child’s teacher???

She didn’t turn it into an argument - he said something insulting and inflammatory which she responded to.

And as per her update - at least one of the friends was made uncomfortable by the husband, not by the OP. As I would have been.

It’s 2025. We don’t have to put up with men viewing us as objects any more. We have the option to call it out.

Edited
Show quote history

The thread title literally says - argued with DH in front of friends.

And so for that, yes I think what OP did was worse.

You can say somethings inappropriate and then have an argument about it later on.
You don’t need to make everyone feel uncomfortable and ruin the situation over it.

Milosc · 22/04/2025 20:08

The OP was completely in the right to address it right then and there. So fucking what if it made him and the friends uncomfortable. He is the one who thought is was okay to talk about the head teachers tits in front of his wife and friends. He made it uncomfortable by being a disgusting human being. He caused the problem and he can live with the repercussions. None of this oh just ignore it and have a quiet word later will help the situation. The more this behavior is ignored the worse it gets. Expect better and call-out the shit behavior on the spot. There are so many on here with a very low bar.

minipie · 22/04/2025 21:14

You don’t need to make everyone feel uncomfortable

Suspect everyone already felt uncomfortable due to what the DH said

outerspacepotato · 22/04/2025 21:37

The more these misogynists are called out on the spot and they don't get away with lewd, horrid remarks, the less they'll try that garbage. Think of it as OP pointing out the crudeness of her husband's lewd and offensive language around others and thus making people more comfortable.

Eenameenadeeka · 23/04/2025 00:25

Insane that he thinks he has any right to be annoyed at you in this situation. You said you ripped into him so I'm not sure what your words were, but I can't see how he thinks you were the problem here. If you started an argument about something else, like criticism of his driving abilities or why it took him so long to get ready or something trivial, in front of friends, sure you'd be the one in the wrong. But he was openly disrespectful about the head teacher and disrespectful of your marriage right in front of you, he doesn't get to be the victim.

PomanderDelight · 23/04/2025 00:57

Good for you for pulling him up on vile comments. Of course he doesn’t like it

Jeschara · 23/04/2025 01:13

Glad you pulled him on it. I find his attitude vile and disgusting. He has no respect for you either to say something like that in front of you. This is not a joke.
I would not like a man like that to be a role model to my children. I would have lost all respect for him.