Moving away aibu

[mumguilt1978]

I have an opportunity to move 300 miles giving me a much better work life balance, better pay and future opportunities. My ds is almost 20 and refusing to come, which is fine but he is making me feel very guilty.
I have purchased a property that enables him to live with me, but now the move is imminent I’m starting to wonder am I being really unreasonable asking a 20 year old to move or expecting them to get a place and start adulting if they don’t comply?
He has a job but nothing special or non transferable. He could just about pay his way if he stays and increases his hours. Could come and get a similar job.
So I guess AIBU to move away from a 20 year old that has chosen not to come?

I can see both sides but I do wonder what would OH’s son would do if he met ‘the love of his life’ in the next week, month, etc. Would he say he couldn’t move in with her because he needed to stay and support his Mum ?

He's an adult and OP has given him a choice. She says he could get similar work in her new location. She’s still offering him a home and he wouldn’t be worse off.

If he was 2 or 10 or 15 he’d have to go with her. He now has a choice.

Is there a dad on the scene?

I wouldn't do this to a 20yr old. Ok he's an adult, but he's not financially independent. Unless you are prepared to pay for his accommodation I don't think it's fair. Kids need to be nearer 25+ these days to be able to survive financially alone.

He moved abroad when he was 2. Still in contact and sees maybe once a year but no practical help. He would also be welcome there but doesn’t want to go.
Has grandparents. Aunts and uncles here who are happy to help, support, provide accommodation (refuses this option) etc

My son was in a shared house the week before he was 18 - as we moved 14 miles away . He had a job but very average earnings - I helped him out by £200 a month for the first year - he absolutely thrived - within 18 months he was in a shared house in London and a decent job -offer to help him out if necessary if he wants to stay - it may be the making of him

No two but one wasn't settled she moved a lot for work

So she only followed one DC. How strange

I get this OP, it's not young people's fault that they are more dependent on their parents but it's not unreasonable to reach a point where you want to make decisions that suit you. As you say he could be dependent for decades, an awful long time to keep putting your life on hold.

Things were so different in the past, I left home at 19 and never returned. My parents divorced when I was 22 so there was no ‘family home’ to visit at Christmas or Sundays and I did find that hard.
I have 3 DC’s in their 20’s and 30’s and I have found they seem properly grown up around 26. Two of them did go to university and all have the life skills to look after themselves,