Why do young people never go out anymore?

[BavarianHound]

I'm 37, so grew up late 90s/early 2000s. I would go out with friends a lot, we'd sit on park benches and wonder around, we'd drink WKDs and could be happily bored in each other's company, we'd call each other or knock the door. I am not saying this was peak socialisation at all, but it was something, we knew how to communicate, how to be bored, had confidence to go to our friends door.

I have 2 sons, 10 & 14. 10 year old will meet with friends, but I'll loiter in the background (he has ASD&ADHD). But my 14 year old never goes out. He plays some sport, but other than that, he is home. He has all this physical energy so can be incredibly hard work because he takes it out on us, just in a playful but annoying way. Very few people he knows seem to go out too, but are home gaming. It feels stunted, and they will never get this time back.

As an aside, local Facebook groups are a hive of "just seen boys hanging outside CO OP, just warning' or 'boys still on a roof, parents shouldn't be allowing such behaviour ' and they attach photos. Not saying anti social behaviour is acceptable, just highlighting that where there was no social commentary on teenagers previously, there is now.

I'm not sure girls are as affected?

Feels like a lost generation ?

It’s gaming. That’s all they seem to want to do.

You're upset because your 14 year old isn't drinking WKD in the park?!

Maybe this generation don't know how to socialise because their parents spent their teen years drinking in the park and so haven't been able to model good socialisation?

I think you’re generalising based on your limited experience (not a criticism - everyone’s experience is limited). My DS is nearly 12 and he does game a lot, but he also goes outside a lot on his own too - meets friends, cycles over the fields to the next village (bigger park and newsagents has better pocket money sweets!), goes to the library in our village, plays in the parks. We live in a pretty rural safe area though so maybe that makes a difference?

Times have changed. The only teens that are hanging around parks now seem to be the troublesome ones. My kids spend time with friends at their/our house or they go to the cinema, shopping etc, but it’s also easier for them to communicate with each other now. I don’t feel like they're a lost generation at all.

Yeah I grew up late 80s early 90s.

my parents went to a lot of effort to
keep me busy as a teen so I wasn’t drinking alcohol on park benches at 13.

i can assure you that there are still teens that are drinking alcohol on park benches at 13 as they do it near me and it’s still not good.

@NuffSaidSam I think you may have added 2 + 2 and came to 150. It was purely anecdotal, and a bit of a fun way of looking at it.

We made sure that DT’s didn’t have any time to hang around the park and potentially get into trouble. During the week homework was the priority and at the weekend we spent time as a family, attended DT’s sporting events or school practice sessions .

My 15 year old and her friends are barely ever home.

It’s sad that some kids are constantly at home. Don’t they have friends?

Edit to add… They are either at the beach, cinema, out for food, bowling, having sleepovers etc. They don’t just hang around parks. Drop the stereotype that kids outside mean they’re up to no good for god sake.

What was ok in the past is now seen as negative/neglectful. I do think it’s a shame todays teens are so over protected because if more of them went out, there would be safety in numbers.

Actually I’ve seen lots of groups of young people out and about recently, particularly in this nice weather. One group frolicking at the seaside, groups of young girls out shopping in town, lads on bikes etc. It’s nice to see.

It’s concerning that you’d rather your son’s were out causing a nuisance / being antisocial etc than at home with you. It’s not idéal that kids spend so much time on a screen but it’s up to you as a parent to redirect that behaviour. I definitely don’t want more teenagers acting out and bored in public spaces.

Well, their formulative years were spent being told they weren't allowed to go out, go to school, lest they kill of 90yo Doris, etc so they learnt to socialise virtually and that has stuck.

My local park has loads of boys aged about 7-13 playing football together whenever it’s not raining. I do notice fewer older teenagers and fewer girls, girls are more likely to be with their parents

The kids hanging outside now are pretty feral- their parents don’t supervise and don’t intervene when they get up to mischief. We have an issue in my area at the moment.

Teens now need to be semi organised- taken to an event, an organised activity. They do socialise but need a bit more support from adults. Help him organise a trip to the cinema or out to KFC (or whatever cheap and cheerful options you have).

Kids drank WKD on park benches because they were fucking bored.

The internet means no one is bored any more. And they can communicate with each other without having to drink WKD on a park bench, which is a win in my book.

I was watching a YouTube video yesterday of someone I know who was saying the same thing about her 13 year old DS.

He tells her boys his age just don't go out to play football or whatever these days and it's an old attitude. They stay in separately gaming and shouting at each other on headsets.

I think so long as they're socially interacting in school, so learning social skills, it's just the way things are now.

Also, given the small but not insignificant number of boys out there killing and being killed in parks and on the street, I don't blame kids or parents who would rather they be at home.

If the gaming or social media is causing behavioural problems then the parents need to deal with that.

Edit: oh and there has ALWAYS been social commentary on teenagers antisocial behaviour. Just now it's on FB groups. It happened to me and around in the 90s, and to my Dad in the 60s!

This isn't my experience. My 12 year old has been out mostly every day of the holidays playing football all day with friends at the local football pitches or out bike rides.

My dds were out alot when young too, either round a friends house, walks down the beach or river, cinema, swimming, shopping etc.

My neighbour’s 14 year old daughter never goes out. She spends all her free time holed up in her bedroom plugged into her headphones. Her older sister seems to be more sociable and has a boyfriend.

Come from the same generation as you and definitely wasn’t going about drinking alcohol with friends and definitely wouldn’t expect a 14 yo to be doing so!

I wouldn’t have made it out of my teen years if my parents found out I was out drinking at that age nor did I have the urge to. Saw a few classmates get drunk at a party when I was 13 and didn’t want to go near the stuff after that.

I definitely did a lot of gaming most nights, but did go to the skating ring, bowling, we had a teen centre that kids went to on Friday nights almost every week, went to the occasional movie, rode my bike until street lights were on, rode to a friend’s house, hung out after school, but was also in school clubs, and had dance classes.

If teens were caught doing what you were, they would have been taken to the police station in my area.

Possibly, maths has never been my strongest subject.

But, if you've got two children who can't socialise well, I would look at what you're doing that's contributed to that/what you could do to change it.

I think taking off the rose-tinted glasses about the good old days when teenagers drank in parks might be a starting point!

And here is the reason why we have so many dependent and anxious teenagers now:

“Teens now need to be semi organised- taken to an event, an organised activity. They do socialise but need a bit more support from adults. Help him organise a trip to the cinema or out to KFC (or whatever cheap and cheerful options you have).”

Teens should be becoming more independent.

Agree

Surely your 14 year old is better off doing sports and being at home than drinking WKD on a bench?

My 10 year old boy is out lots with friends, they don’t need to hang around on benches because they are often in a trampoline in one of the parents gardens or playing football at the park etc. Plenty of young people still go out

I was definitely not hanging out in the park drinking WKDs at 14. 😂 I was home studying and then playing sports. But my 12 year old definitely goes to meet friends at the park. No WKDs. We live in a village though. Ours are more likely to be climbing trees and going swimming in the river.

Yes, in town, they are definitely roving around stealing bikes, throwing rocks at cars, turning the lovely park book exchange upside down and chucking all the books in the river, have no fear!

My niece is 15 and is always out and about with her friends. She does drama and gymnastics, goes into town, sits in McDonald's, hangs out at friends houses, goes to visit her great granddad, rides her bike - all sorts. She's out more than she is in!

I don't think it's a boy/girl divide though, I always see groups of teen boys out and about with their mates.