Why do young people never go out anymore?

[BavarianHound]

I'm 37, so grew up late 90s/early 2000s. I would go out with friends a lot, we'd sit on park benches and wonder around, we'd drink WKDs and could be happily bored in each other's company, we'd call each other or knock the door. I am not saying this was peak socialisation at all, but it was something, we knew how to communicate, how to be bored, had confidence to go to our friends door.

I have 2 sons, 10 & 14. 10 year old will meet with friends, but I'll loiter in the background (he has ASD&ADHD). But my 14 year old never goes out. He plays some sport, but other than that, he is home. He has all this physical energy so can be incredibly hard work because he takes it out on us, just in a playful but annoying way. Very few people he knows seem to go out too, but are home gaming. It feels stunted, and they will never get this time back.

As an aside, local Facebook groups are a hive of "just seen boys hanging outside CO OP, just warning' or 'boys still on a roof, parents shouldn't be allowing such behaviour ' and they attach photos. Not saying anti social behaviour is acceptable, just highlighting that where there was no social commentary on teenagers previously, there is now.

I'm not sure girls are as affected?

Feels like a lost generation ?

My 13 year old is always out and about - never really got i to gaming and she loves just hanging out - l agree op.

I live in the most locked down state in the world (Victoria, Australia), I dont know where you live. We had 262 of days of total lockdown over a period of one and a half years and additional social and work restrictions on some or all of the population on most of the other days and for some time (another year?) after that time. It was very damaging to our teens (and others) and many have still not emerged or fully emerged from that time. From Wikipedia .."Melbourne had six lockdowns, totalling 262 days:[191]

• Lockdown 1: March 26 to May 12, 2020 – 43 days
• Lockdown 2: July 8 to October 27, 2020 – 111 days
• Lockdown 3: February 12 to February 17, 2021 – 5 days
• Lockdown 4: May 27 to June 10, 2021 – 14 days
• Lockdown 5: July 15 to July 27, 2021 – 12 days
• Lockdown 6: August 5 to October 21, 2021 – 77 days[192][193][194]

There were approximately 186 days of remote learning for school students in Melbourne"..... Do those restrictions seem like 'inordinate' restrictions for years? especially given we had no idea if each lockdown 'wave' would be 5 or 111 days, many people did not really go out in between either. So, not hyperbole to say it went for years for us.

That was my thought! The was a thread in here the other day about why do people let their teens go out and hang around the streets all day!

I didn't go out much in my teens. At the time I was told I'd regret it, that I was missing the best years and all that kind of thing. Now, in my 40s, I don't regret it at all. I loved being at home reading, watching movies and daydreaming. Kids are vile to each other. I remember horrific violence and bullying when adults weren't around. We forget what it's like to be a teen. You really are in danger. Not from paedophiles and child abductors but from other kids, particularly slightly older ones. I remember awful violence meted out by 14 and 15-year-old boys to smaller, weaker 13-year-olds. The few times I went out with groups of other kids I was bloody terrified.

Young people hang out at the skate park in my town a lot. On Friday I took my children to the football pitch for a kick about and there were about 10 young people there ranging from primary age to late teens, all having a kick about. Older teens in the summer are hanging about with their mopeds all the time, driving up and down, which most people moan about. And I see evidence of them hanging out by the lake drinking, from the empty bottles and remains of campfires - the good old days never left here, some even brew sugar wine out in the forest

My 14 year old occasionally hangs out wandering round town, though not often as she's a bit of an introvert so usually has had enough social interaction from school and her hobbies so prefers to stay home in her spare time.

@BavarianHound I'm about the same age as you OP. So I see the thread is about children and young teens... the answer here is simply urban design and car dependency.

If you see videos from the 60s and 70s, many streets had very few cars, and the streets formed a sort of de facto playground that kids would use to play games and kick a ball around. Nowadays, the streets are lined with ugly SUVs. Can't kick a ball around or someone might get annoyed about minor damage on his SUV (why people get angry about tiny scratches or dents on a car, I will never know).

Even 20 years ago, you will remember it was possible to see over most cars as a pedestrian. Nowadays, it is not possible to see over the average SUV. This makes streets and roads feel confined and less-walkable. I really don't enjoy walking along streets when the road is full of massive cars that I can't see past.

Then there's the issue of urban sprawl. No one goes outside for a walk when the only thing you will encounter during a 15 or 20 minute walk is detached houses and SUVs.

A good idea which is gaining more traction is the idea of "walkable cities" or "15 minute cities." We need to build more urban areas with smaller homes and smaller streets that are compacted together more tightly, meaning people can get around easily by walking. In these cities, there would be less car dependency. This would liberate the streets, meaning that people and children would be free to go outside, and indeed, you would see more children kicking a ball around.

TLDR: urban sprawl, car dependency, and SUVs are the issue. Make urban areas more compact, get rid of most SUVs and cars, and more children will be going outside.

My 16 year old never goes out but she is suspected ASD and doesn't like socialising unless it through texts where she can ignore it if she's not feeling up to talking, she has been out a handful of times with a friend but is usually back home after an hour at the most and then disappears upstairs

Maybe there’s less trauma? Or more safer spaces at home? I know I was getting messed up as a teen because my dad was hitting me and my mum was an alcoholic and there was no internet where people were validating that this was wrong etc so I just went out and got messed up as soon as I could. My son didn’t do that, maybe becuse it was nice to be at home and safe to be at home. Obviously not the case for anyone else, just my experience for me and comparing it to my child during his teen years.

You have to write "lighthearted" in big letters at the top of you don't want people to kick off and misconstrue what you've written.

I agree with you anyway, my children have actually said going out and meeting people is old fashioned. 🙄 it's one of the reasons we're heading towards a mental health epidemic with young people. Some pp seem pleased their children don't go out because then they're "safe" and they know where they are.. they're not safer online and it's definitely not good for their physical or mental health. Not sure how it can be fixed as they can't go out and pay with other kids unless there are other kids to play with! Maybe there should be some sort of movement to get parents to back off and let kids go a bit feral.

I do think COVID has had a massive impact on the youth though.

I do think there's a bit of a divide around the country, up north we had loads of kids running about the street it was really lovely in the summer. Since moving down south to a neighborhood full of family homes and children, but none of them ever go outside!

Yeah, that's exactly what she said. 🤔

Shopping centres are pretty shit with all the shops closing, and coffeeshops are so much more expensive than a tea from littlewoods or bhs that could last for hours when I was a teen on a wet Saturday.

i was really happy to see so many groups of kids going to the Minecraft movie the other weekend. Felt like things were more normal again, athough I was glad I was watching something else

Probably because they don’t fancy being stabbed? UK isn’t the same as it was in the 90s

I really don't think it's a cause of concern for most of the country!

262 people were stabbed to death in England and Wales last year. Out of a population of 60 million? Our children are more likely to suffer premature deaths from low mental and poor physical health from not spending more time outside.

Tween and teen dgc constantly have friends around or they’re at friends houses. Often 4 or 5 other children in the house and they all seem quite sociable and polite, thanking DDs and husbands for meal/ sleepover/ lift to whatever. They game online but also play cards, board games, and darts/ table tennis ( one lot are specially lucky , have a games shed)
Older teen goes out running, they all walk to high street with friends and look around the shops, go to Costa.
Sports activities have to involve parents as they’re driving distance. Mix of girls and boys. They are lucky, live in rural small towns, low crime though there is some. I can imagine it’s very different, and quite intimidating for teens to go out and about if there’s higher crime rate, risk of violence.
DDs have always been very sociable, we often had numerous kids and teens staying over so maybe it’s just an extension of that? Fwiw I’m the opposite, used to living alone and can take visitors for a few hours tops.

I agree that it’s not good at all that teen boys are not out socialising. Slightly of topic but I was watching a YouTube video on the diary of a ceo channel last week where they were talking about this. They said this generation of boys (16-23) are really suffering. A massive percentage are not only getting to there mid twenties without having sex a lot of them have never held hands or kissed or gone on a first date. This is having an impact on self esteem and mental health. Obviously it’s a good thing that this generation isn’t getting drunk in parks but they should be outside taking risks and learning from mistakes and snogging behind the bikes sheds! It’s part of growing up.

I think it is gaming, computers, internet, 24 hour streaming.
I went out all the time when young. It was fun, but also staying at home for hours was excruciatingly boring. It's not just a young person thing - I've streamed three different series in the last few days and been quite happy pottering around at home. Although I have been out, but not much.

On a positive note, my eldest didn't go out much before university, where he turned into a social butterfly and now in his mid twenties he's still out all the time.

With social media it seems like they don’t really need to meet up to catch up, they can hear all about everything through their phones
I didn’t really start going out much until I went to uni then I more than made up for it

There is a great shift in how teens/young people are socialising.
Teens rather go out for Matcha/bobas tea/ Dubai Choclate or whatever drink or food is viral , watch a TV show than spend time drinking.
Do young people even go clubbing anymore? clubs are slowly dying out.

My 16 year old hardly ever goes out, I made her go for a walk today and that is the first time she's been out in the holidays.
18 year old treats house like a B&B. She's out loads, generally with her best friends but I have to say that's only really since they've been old enough to drink (they don't always go drinking though).
Both girls although 16 year old is autistic.
I do think younger teens seem to stay in gaming though. Certainly that's the case with my nephew's aged between 12 and 15. Although they do also attend football and Scouts but I don't see many teenagers just hanging around with their mates

I have always put strict limits on gaming, I think this is why my kids do go out quite a lot. It took a while to find friends who weren't surgically attached to their Xboxes and phone but have done. My 3 teens (19, 18 and 14) gonout most days with friends. The have done the following in the last 2 weeks with their friends
Been camping for a night
Played football and tennis in the park a few times
Been to the gym
Been on lots of runs
Had friends for a sleepover and baking
Been to the cinema
Been to pub quiz, 2 other pubs and 4 gigs between them
Been bowling
Been climbing
Been to 3 birthday parties (one was clubbing and the other 18ths at people's houses)
Went on a hike in the peaks
Been into town and walked around the shops

They can still do it but it's been a bit of a slog finding friends that aren't just glue to their shitty devices! They do go on them just not all the time and I only because we kick them off it and have done consistently even during covid

Nowadays if a group of teenagers hung around a park drinking their mugs would be on Facebook within minutes with someone complaining about the 'youth of today' and saying "their parents should have a word with them".

I used to go to the local off licence and buy Diamond White and go and sit with my friends on the Downs drinking. But we didn't have busy bodies/do gooders complaining all the time.

Adults don't socialise as much either, well not out socialising, lockdown affected how we all socialise.

Just fill more of his time with organised sports clubs. I hated hanging around and loved sport as a teen. All my friends that wasted their time loitering have no hobbies now but I have loads.

On a similar vein, I find it very rare nowadays to see young couples hanging off each other. Maybe public displays of affection are not cool now. I saw two the other day sitting on a wall holding hands and it occurred to me you don't see 'young love' so much anymore. There are loads of teens where I live but they always seem to be in groups with their friends.

Is it the post-covid teens? Mine are early 20s and socialised a lot. Went for walks up onto the heath or woods, probably with booze at times, hung out in town and at each other's houses by arrangement ( no casual calling as in our day but that is due to mobile phones I think)