To be enjoying my own time a little too much - can an extrovert turn into an introvert?

[mabelineandme]

Been spending more and more time at home than usual. Considering the weathers been relatively bleak, I haven't got the energy to go and see friends. They've asked to see me but I've either cancelled or said I'm busy. I'm happy staying home reading a book and relaxing with my partner.
I work from home so do spend a lot of time here anyway, but the past 6 months or so, I don't have the energy to listen to my friends gossip or chat about what's going on in their life (most of it is all men related, dating, exes etc). Maybe it's because I've been in a long term relationship (7 years) and I just haven't got the capacity to listen to all of it anymore, I also have a friend that drains my energy and is accustom to returning to abusive narcissistic exes and having dealt with supporting her for 15 years, I'm just exhausted by it all and enjoying being at home in peace. I also have a doggo I spend a lot of time with. I've gone from extrovert to introverted almost overnight. Is this normal?!

That doesn't sound like introversion, it sounds like depression.

I certainly do not feel depressed though?

Nothing in your post sounds like depression.

It sounds like your needs have changed and you’re happiest at home away from draining friendships and drama. There’s nothing wrong with that.

It doesn’t sound like depression at all, the way you described your friends and the conversations tells me you’ve grown out of it and just enjoy you time and that’s ok. I’d much rather get lost in a book than listen to gossip! Good for you if you enjoy it x

I think so. I was very extroverted up until my early 30s. Now I can’t be bothered with anyone outside my immediate family and feel very put out when I have to attend some sort of social obligation.

Being more introverted suits me better.

It just sounds very familiar to me - cancelling plans, not wanting to see your friends, just wanting to be alone.

I could be wrong, but if I had a friend who suddenly switched personalities like that, I'd be really concerned about them. You don't want to isolate yourself and drop your friendships.

Are you around menopause age? I swear my tolerance for other people plummeted. I’m also now a happy introvert with no need for the ‘excitement’ of other people.

I feel the a similar way.

My home is beautiful and I feel relaxed here but over the past week or so I have began to feel like I have spent too much time at home recently and I need to make the effort to be around more people. It always massively lifts my mood being with others.

It’s not depression, it’s maturing

Since when does maturing mean no longer being interested in seeing your friends or socialising outside of your partner?

I would never give up my friends. They're so important. It's really not a good idea to rely on your partner and a dog for all your fulfilment.

OP says it’s because they just want to gossip about men, which is pretty immature.

There are times we need peace and quiet.

As much as the need can wax and wane and when you have a nice partner and they can fill all of your time it’s not a good idea to focus every single bit of you just on them. People die, people leave. When my sister was widowed quite young it was very difficult for her as she had totally neglected her friendships.

I can understand wanting to avoid the energy draining friend. When it comes to gossiping about men. I assume you mean they are single and looking? My mate is 63 and single and looking and talks about men. I have been with my DH for almost 30 years. I haven’t been on a Date for forever but my goodness I will support my friend on her continued search for some love.

I think you might need more suitable friends, who share your vibe today. Low drama friends who enjoy the same activities as you

Doesn't sound like depression at all. And yes, I think people change incrementally throughout life. Enjoy your new found peace 🥰

Then I would suggest finding new friends, not dropping friendships altogether. It's really not a good idea to restrict your life to just one person.

Yes, but she’s not said she’s planning on never having friends again. Being introverted doesn’t mean you’re depressed.

Isolating yourself from your friends is one of the main signs of depression.

I've already said I could be wrong, but I still stand by the fact that it's not healthy to totally withdraw from all forms of friendship.

I never said it did.

You have said multiple times on this thread that OP must be depressed.

as I aged I found my tolerance for “fun” declined and instead discovered what was actually pleasurable to me. Which was indeed a slower pace, fewer but “better” people and increasingly valuing books, time in nature and with animals, and most importantly valuing time with me.
you just sound like you’re growing up. It can happen at any age!

No - I've said that the behaviour changes she describes don't sound like introversion to me. Introversion isn't cutting yourself off from your friends, cancelling plans and only ever seeing your partner and dog.

I also said I could well be wrong - but I've been severely depressed in the past, and cancelling plans/isolating myself was the first "sign" that things weren't quite right.

As much as the need can wax and wane and when you have a nice partner and they can fill all of your time it’s not a good idea to focus every single bit of you just on them. People die, people leave. When my sister was widowed quite young it was very difficult for her as she had totally neglected her friendships.

Yes, this is what I'm trying to get across. While it can be so nice to focus on the "peace" of being alone with your partner and your animals, you do need to future proof somewhat. By all means find new friends, or new hobbies, or change how you socialise, but stopping all those things completely is rarely a good idea.

None of this sounds like it’s anything to do with extroversion or introversion. It’s perfectly possible to be an extremely sociable introvert (I am one), as long as you get enough down time to ‘recover’. Your social needs have just changed, temporarily or permanently.

Just be wary that your long relationship could end tomorrow and if you suddenly find yourself single and back in the dating scene your friends won’t really have much sympathy for you if you’ve previously avoided them.

i have a friend like this - she wants to see us several times a week when single, then as soon as she meets a man you don’t see her for dust. Then the minute it goes wrong she’s all about the girls night out again.

Don’t get me wrong, I know its a balance to find time for everyone and at the moment your scales are tipping in favour of your relationship, but be careful not to totally neglect your friends if you expect them to help you pick up the pieces if your heart gets broken.

People talk about introversion and extroversion in very binary terms, like male and female. Most of us are not hard extroverts or introverts, we have elements of both in our personality and lean into this depending on our mood and surroundings. I dislike this current mania for identifying people as "introverts" as a figleaf to cover up grumpiness or misanthropy or other more problematic elements of their character. I don't think that's what's happening here, by the way, it doesn't sound as if this is what you're doing but its endemic on mumsnet at the moment and hard to avoid this rhetoric.

It actually sounds to me more as if you've grown out of this particular friendship group and it isn't meeting your needs any more. I'm not a fan of dropping friends and isolating as a rule but it sounds as if you instinctively know you're not getting what you need from them.

Maybe you just need new friends?