To be enjoying my own time a little too much - can an extrovert turn into an introvert?

[mabelineandme]

Been spending more and more time at home than usual. Considering the weathers been relatively bleak, I haven't got the energy to go and see friends. They've asked to see me but I've either cancelled or said I'm busy. I'm happy staying home reading a book and relaxing with my partner.
I work from home so do spend a lot of time here anyway, but the past 6 months or so, I don't have the energy to listen to my friends gossip or chat about what's going on in their life (most of it is all men related, dating, exes etc). Maybe it's because I've been in a long term relationship (7 years) and I just haven't got the capacity to listen to all of it anymore, I also have a friend that drains my energy and is accustom to returning to abusive narcissistic exes and having dealt with supporting her for 15 years, I'm just exhausted by it all and enjoying being at home in peace. I also have a doggo I spend a lot of time with. I've gone from extrovert to introverted almost overnight. Is this normal?!

No, it’s not depression.
It is called maturity.
nobody wants to listen someone bleat on about their problems constantly, only to give advice and they never take it and wonder why they’re so unhappy.
You’ve outgrown your friends.

I didn't encourage her to abandon everyone and cancel everything, I asked if she was 50 or menopausal.

I like quiet time too. I often feel it's expected to go out more this time of year but I tend to do the same things whatever the season. I'm happy enough staying at home with a book but I also like going for walks, visiting libraries and museums or eating out in restaurants. I like meeting up with friends occasionally for coffee or food but I enjoy my own company too. I've always been an introvert.

@PowderRoomI agree with you 100%. I'm exactly the same.

That's ridiculous. Theres nothing mature about dropping all your friends and relying only on your partner.
OP nothing wrong with relaxing at home obviously but he careful putting all your eggs on one basket...if you and your partner ever split up then I think you will need your friends.

Sorry, the latter part wasn't directed at you, but all the other posts seemingly saying it's healthy behaviour.

Exactly. My DH left me 2 years ago nearly now after 25 years of marriage. Out of the blue. Couldn't have got to where I am now without my friends. I'm very glad they put up with me being single again and not bored of me eh.

Could you get involved in some sort of activity or hobby group where you know you have a day/evening a week for socialising with other like minded people and then the rest of your time can be at home, which you obviously enjoy.

your current friendship group has nothing in common with your lifestyle because you're in a settled relationship and they're all single and wanting to go out on dates, talk about fashion etc, that really doesn't float your boat.

on your hobby night try to make an effort to get dressed up a little (not nightclub wear, just something more dressy) so it marks a difference between that night and your home nights.

Ah, understood - thanks for the explanation and answers of the menopausal question!

for the people saying I'm dropping my friends - I'm not, I just don't enjoy my time with them anymore. I saw them earlier today for an hour and wanted to leave within half an hour. I haven't got anything to talk about and there's only so many times I can keep repeating myself. I think I've just got to a stage where I don't enjoy partying, drinking etc. and that's all they want to do. It's very jarring. I'm happy spending time at home.

It's totally okay (and normal) to outgrow friendships but it's also important to make new friends that you do like spending time with.

So what’s changed?

I wouldn’t just be relying on a partner for company, especially wfh. Friends are really important, so do you think you’ve outgrown yours? Either way, my view is everyone needs friends so I’d be wary of letting friendships drift.

It's nothing to do with introversion/extroversion. You are just bored by your friends, they sound boring. Get some new interests and meet some new people. Also, you are not on your own, you are spending the time with your partner. That's really not the same as enjoying your own company.

Honestly they sound self-absorbed, tedious and lacking in depth.

I generally strongly advise people not to drop friends because they're in a relationship: it's easy to become isolated and I think people who think they will get everything they want out of life from their partner are fools.

But in this case I really think you've just outgrown them: nothing to do with whether or not you have a partner, they just sound shallow and limited and as if their conversation revolves around men.

I would try to set aside some time to do things which don't involve your partner OR them. Try to slowly build up a new friend network. These friends may or may not eventually emerge from this navel gazing about men but they are holding you back.

Energy vampires... sapping your will to live with their repeating bullshit? Maybe it's time for a refresh, ot a different approach to them?

It sounds like absolute utter bliss to me 😍

WTF are you putting make up on to go on a walk with friends?

Dont let friendships slide at 29. Chances of your current relationship lasting forever are less than 50 percent at your very young age. Try introducing different topics of conversation if you don’t like theirs. Maybe they are frustrated with you not contributing any topics? You have half the responsibility in a conversation, you are not passive:

And ditch the make up unless you enjoy it which it sounds like you don’t - why Gen Z wear make up absolutely everywhere is a mystery to me. I bear you have lovely skin!

Just seen your previous post, why haven’t you got anything to talk about? Don’t you have a job, hobbies, read the news, watch films??

Honestly you do sound over focused on your boyfriend to the detriment of a balanced life. Relationships aren’t the only important part of life, although I know it feels that way at 29. But your forties you’ll likely be as frustrated with men as your friends and craving the company of women - many men do not age well!

I’m more of a homebody as i entered my forties. Absolutley not depressed. I thought it was a peri thing tbh. Always an introvert though despite my work.

People annoy me a lot more when out and about ( i work with the public too). I’m not as interested in drinking and socialising like i did when i was younger. I do see friends but we go out for breakfast/lunch.

@mabelineandme My niece is younger than you and she’s a homebody too. She’s never been interested in the party scene and much prefers to be home. She does see friends but doesn’t have many through choice. She doesn’t care about that though. She has a long term partner, mortgage and child.

Not everyone needs to be out and about it all the time. It doesn’t mean you are depressed or will end up with no friends and lonely. We can all be different. But if you value your friends keep in touch and do make some effort!

You're just having some down time and a bit of a winter hibernate.

It's good for the soul to step back and replenish once in a while.

You'll probably find that every now again you socialise with your friends, have a great time, then step back and enjoy your own company again.

Totally normal and healthy.

It sounds as though your friends make very boring conversation. I have a friend who talks about this sort of stuff all the time and I just find myself drifting off and wanting to go home. Other friends I actually enjoy chatting with.
Having said that, I do enjoy spending a lot more time at home than I used to.

While that sounds absolutely lovely and fulfilling - if you keep withdrawing from your friendships, one day you’ll come back out of hibernation to find that they’re no longer waiting around for you.

People on here talk a lot about date nights and how important it is to work on a marriage but I rarely see the same comments directed at maintaining friendships. They are work and sometimes that means going out of your way to listen to them moan about Bob - but ultimately if you want them to have your back when you need them, you have to put the effort in.

Don’t get me wrong, I could happily spend hours at home, but I do think it’s important not to do so at the exclusion of absolutely everything else.

OP is only 29 - without sounding horribly patronising, it’s unlikely she’ll be with her partner forever - putting all your focus on one thing is really not a good idea long-term.

Sounds more like you just don't like your friends anymore.
Social connection is important - I wouldn't drop having mates completely.