To be enjoying my own time a little too much - can an extrovert turn into an introvert?

[mabelineandme]

Been spending more and more time at home than usual. Considering the weathers been relatively bleak, I haven't got the energy to go and see friends. They've asked to see me but I've either cancelled or said I'm busy. I'm happy staying home reading a book and relaxing with my partner.
I work from home so do spend a lot of time here anyway, but the past 6 months or so, I don't have the energy to listen to my friends gossip or chat about what's going on in their life (most of it is all men related, dating, exes etc). Maybe it's because I've been in a long term relationship (7 years) and I just haven't got the capacity to listen to all of it anymore, I also have a friend that drains my energy and is accustom to returning to abusive narcissistic exes and having dealt with supporting her for 15 years, I'm just exhausted by it all and enjoying being at home in peace. I also have a doggo I spend a lot of time with. I've gone from extrovert to introverted almost overnight. Is this normal?!

I work in a school and have teenage kids. The first week of the holidays were the weather was nice I literally stayed home and read my book in the garden it was bliss- a couple of trips to tesco a little bit of conversation with the teens now and then as they were coming and going then a catch of with my DH when he came home from work.

Week 2 I have been here there and everywhere, seeing friends, theatre trip, cinema and a couple of meals out. Done all these with friends and the teens. I also went for a shopping trip on my own which I loved. I also decided I loved the first week but for some reason was highly stressed all last week too many places to be and people to see, when I was out with the teens there was always so argument or other. The stress of having to make sure I was ready on time, what to wear, make up, looking and checking train times etc. Week 1 was absolute heaven.

Maybe you need new friends or maybe you need to reconfigure your current friendships. What do you enjoy doing? Visiting museums? Nature reserves? Cinema? If you share any interests of that sort with any of your existing friends maybe you could try seeing them one on one in contexts that emphasise what you have in common (your shared love of otters/weird medieval paintings of Madonna and child/horror films) rather than what separates you (relationship status and resulting level of interest in minutiae of dating app differences/discussions of what an 8 word text might mean). I agree with PPs who say that you should enjoy this peaceful time, but also with those that think it’s worth seeing if you can preserve your old friendships. It’s easy to leave old friends, whose lives now don’t match yours, behind when you’re happy, which I hope you always will be, but if you do have tough times in the future, or just need the sustaining company of other women during the child rearing years or similar, you might wish you’d held on. Or you just need new friends.

It’s not depression, it’s just that as you get older, you start to realise how full of shit and draining people can be. So you become more selective about who you give your time and energy to

It seems you just don’t need them right now.
Do they need you though? Might you need them in future?

I would put myself out to maintain my network of friends, even at times when we don’t need each other as much. When misfortune strikes, as it inevitably does for us all, it means a lot to have a friend to whom to turn.

Thanks for all the replies. I haven't dropped them, I speak to them almost every other day in group chats etc and if they needed me I'd call them and speak to them. I just haven't got the energy to leave the house and get dressed up and go somewhere and then listen to them go on and on about the same things over and over. They're heavily invested in dating and it's very consuming especially as they tend to repeat making bad decisions with men etc and I just get so bored of hearing it. I've never relied heavily on friends at all throughout my life and do go through periods where I distance myself because I just haven't got the energy to participate in the gossip or drama, and there's A LOT of drama all the time in my friends lives and mines the opposite. I'm 29 so not menopausal yet I hope! Just wanted to see if anyone else feels the same way. The thought of having to get dressed up and put makeup on just to go for a walk and listen to them rant about the same stuff mentally exhaust me 🤣

Ok, well, your most recent post clarifies. You have t become an introvert, you’re simply overly reliant on a single group of friends who’ve started to bore you. Get some new ones with different and varied lives and hence topics of conversation.

At 29, I'd be even more wary of distancing yourself and spending too much time focusing on your partner. If these friends aren't "doing it" for you, so to speak, then I'd focus on finding new ones, not withdrawing even more.

Ouch. Your poor friends, OP. It’s easy to judge when you’re coupled up and happy, and easy to think you can see what your single friends are getting wrong. Much harder to be single and finding it a challenge to meet someone and to sustain a friendship with someone who feels superior because she was lucky enough to find someone kind and compatible early on in life. I think if I were one of your single friends I’d seek a bit of distance!

This.
It's not a good idea to lose all onta t with friends.

Ah, OP, from your first post I'd assumed you were the same age as me, mid-50s. I would caution against losing a strong friend group - if, indeed, it is strong. I understand that the drama is exhausting but be careful not to lose touch completely.

No it's doesn't.

Are you close to 50? Or near the menopause? I don't say this as a bad thing, I say it because I've long thought that a "switch" went off in my head and I think it was sometime around 50 where I just really cba with drama and did a lot of what you describe. It dod coincide with being with my DH around 7 years, so maybe that was the trigger.

Basically, maybe you've just found your niche, you're settled, happy, and you don't need the "drama" anymore, the always striving for others to notice, the accepting bad behaviour, the shit that everyone else brings, you've realised that your settled and your home is your happy place?

Don’t agree!

all sounds fine and normal to me

Don’t neglect your friends just because your current relationship is stable. You’ll suddenly need them if you break up.

I think it's normal as we age. Luckily for me my closest friends are similar. We used to spend a lot of time together and go out a lot. We see each other a lot less with texts in between. When we do see each other we have a lovely time and are just as close as we were before.

It sounds to me as though you’ve outgrown your friends. I’ve kind of done this, over the last couple of years (maybe because I’m peri) I don’t have the bandwidth for energy training friends and I’ve cut some out. But I’ve also got friends that give me energy so I absolutely love seeing them and spending time with them. You need new friends

It’s not normal to be 29 and no longer interested in seeing anyone except your dog and your partner.

She’s 29 years old - nowhere near the menopause!

Honestly, I know MN is famous for being antisocial but it’s not healthy to encourage a 29 year old to cancel all their plans and stay home all the time.

not at all depression

sounds like your waking up to your relationships and what really forfils yoin

I had to make a friends switch from the gossipy, extroverted, keeping up with the joneses types to more introverted, interesting and authentic people when I hit peri. Everyone thought I was depressed too 🤣

😮 so rude!!

I don't think you sound depressed. Sometimes the pace of life fluctuates, it's totally normal, imo.

I didn't intend for it to be rude. I've been in that position myself many times.

I just don't think it's healthy for a 29 year old to isolate themselves at home with their partner and dog. MN has a tendency to normalise that kind of lifestyle but it's so important to maintain friendships when you're in a long-term relationship and not fall into the habit of relying only on your partner.

Idk, sounds a bit like catastrophizing OP taking a few months to slow down and take it easy for a bit.

I guess I know from experience that "slowing down for a few months" - cancelling plans and not wanting to see her friends, could see her losing those friendships altogether.

Which is fine if she's not that close to them, but I just think it's easy to underestimate the importance of friends when you're in a solid, loving relationship. But you need to future-proof - if you regularly distance yourself from people, cancel plans and don't arrange meet-ups - well, at some point they're going to stop asking.

I see so many people (on here and RL) who throw everything into their relationships to the exclusion of all else, and it never ends well.

Are you going out for food and drinks a lot where the only thing to do is chat? You could try doing things with your friends rather than gossiping or talking about dating. That isn’t meant to be read as a criticism, a good gossip and catch up is great sometimes and a real stress relief but like any activity I think you can overdo it.

Go for walks in interesting places, do activities or go to the theatre and cinema. I think novelty and making new memories is really important to keep friendships fresh and interesting.

I feel this way and suspect I’m menopausal.