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Original poster

Leaving husband

69 replies

Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 18:37

I've been married for nearly 27 yrs.. i am 45 and hubby is 50 with 3 grown up children. Ever since we have been together he told me I cudnt go out with friends ... but he cud always go out with his friends. We always do everything together. He has a fetish with satin/shiny/latex clothes and will only have sex with me if I'm wearing this type of clothes with stocking. He thinks I shud always be dressed up in skirts and nice tops with my hair and make-up done which I don't always feel comfortable. He likes to watch porn and look at pictures of woman dressed the way he likes and this has always made me self-conscious and also that I'm not good enough. I recently started chatting/sexting a man at work who is 10 yrs older than me and he makes me feel absolutely amazing, he tells me I shud be myself and we recently have kissed and a couple of other things and we have actually fallen in love. He is also not happy with his marriage. I have not been happy in my marriage for a very long time but this man has brought something out in me which I really like. We are both planning on leaving our current partners.
I am being completely mad or shud I just put up with wot I've got.

OP posts:
Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 18:43

If you’re going to leave leave for yourself Dont leave on the basis that you’re leaving for this other man because he might let you down. I’ve seen that 1 million times.
One of the two affair couples backs out
And the other one is high and dry

ThejoyofNC · 20/04/2025 18:44

Don't expect a happy life with a cheater.

I would say you need to leave your current relationship before starting a new one, but it's obviously too late for that.

Sulu17 · 20/04/2025 18:46

Definitely leave, but leave to be alone, at least at first.

Original poster
Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 18:46

I would mainly be leaving for myself, he is an added bonus in my situation( don't know if that sounds wrong) . Also the both of us have such strong feelings for each other and he really is a genuine, kind and caring man.

OP posts:
Iamaverysillyperson · 20/04/2025 18:47

Well, it might have been better to not have started an affair in the first place, but as it stands, I would leave your marriage because you are unhappy, not because you want to fuck some other guy.

Original poster
Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 18:53

I know i shudnt have started anything before leaving but sometimes u just can't help developing feelings for someone else. I should also say I have actually been friends with this man for 4 years before we started chatting/sexting like we do. We have always got on so well and we both just really get each other and the way we get on is not like I get on with my hubby and him with his wife.

OP posts:
Sulu17 · 20/04/2025 18:56

What will you do if you leave and then your new man dumps you, OP?

RedHelenB · 20/04/2025 18:58

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 18:43

If you’re going to leave leave for yourself Dont leave on the basis that you’re leaving for this other man because he might let you down. I’ve seen that 1 million times.
One of the two affair couples backs out
And the other one is high and dry

This

Original poster
Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 19:00

Sulu17 .. I have thought about this and the way things are between us I am 100% certain that it won't happen. He has even reassured me that everything is going to work out.

OP posts:
Sulu17 · 20/04/2025 19:02

For goodness sake, have a contingency plan OP.

IHaveBeenAroundTheBlock · 20/04/2025 19:02

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MemorableTrenchcoat · 20/04/2025 19:03

Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 19:00

Sulu17 .. I have thought about this and the way things are between us I am 100% certain that it won't happen. He has even reassured me that everything is going to work out.

Oh, well, if he’s reassured you then there’s no problem. Phew!

Original poster
Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 19:10

I actually have a problem with writing stuff down that is in my head, so if that's a problem for you then I'm sorry that you may not understand.

OP posts:
MoominMai · 20/04/2025 19:10

Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 18:46

I would mainly be leaving for myself, he is an added bonus in my situation( don't know if that sounds wrong) . Also the both of us have such strong feelings for each other and he really is a genuine, kind and caring man.

Well as long as you’re sure you are leaving for yourself. There was recently a very popular thread where another woman (single though) fell fo someone over a decade older than her who said exactly the same things as your new man and encouraged by MN when she actually started asking him the hard Qs re when he’d be leaving his wife, she realised he’d been spinning her a load of lies. I’m just saying prepare for the worst as I hope you won’t be but you may potentially be setting up home alone. Men don’t seem to have the same backbone as women in these things and often living together with your secret love isn’t often how you imagined it in your head. Dealing with the guilt fallout and pressure from the respective families can break that new relationship quite easily unless you’re both truly committed and resilient.

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:11

Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 18:53

I know i shudnt have started anything before leaving but sometimes u just can't help developing feelings for someone else. I should also say I have actually been friends with this man for 4 years before we started chatting/sexting like we do. We have always got on so well and we both just really get each other and the way we get on is not like I get on with my hubby and him with his wife.

Ahhh perhaps you and his wife could be friends

GreenCandleWax · 20/04/2025 19:12

Leave your husband - he sounds dreadful. But leave for yourself, not to go to another man. Establish yourself first and then maybe. Can you dial it back a bit with this man while you set yourself up on your own and in your own place. This feels important OP, that you are independent first, before getting into another relationship. In any case as he is still married, he may never leave his wife. Just do this for you, not for the other man. Here's to your freedom🍷

Sulu17 · 20/04/2025 19:12

I think you are desperate to escape what does sound like a pretty dreadful marriage and you're looking to someone else to 'rescue' you, OP. Honestly, you can only rely on yourself to get yourself out of a bad situation.

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 20/04/2025 19:14

Your husband sounds gross. If you’re not happy you should certainly leave him. But leave him in a way where you can manage alone. Don’t rely on this new guy to be your knight in shining armour. You could end up jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 20/04/2025 19:15

This reads like a bored teen wrote it.

But on the off chance you’re serious, leave for yourself. Make sure you can support yourself. For all you know, you might be new prey for this new man, as you sound very vulnerable.

PlumFairies · 20/04/2025 19:17

Take a risk, yes you may end up alone but at least you will be out of a terribly unhappy marriage.

Original poster
Flyinghigh27 · 20/04/2025 19:20

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 20/04/2025 19:15

This reads like a bored teen wrote it.

But on the off chance you’re serious, leave for yourself. Make sure you can support yourself. For all you know, you might be new prey for this new man, as you sound very vulnerable.

I am not a bored teenager, this is all very serious.
Like I said i wud be mainly leaving for myself he is an added bonus and i know this all 100% genuine on both our parts.

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 20/04/2025 19:21

If he's such a good man then why is he cheating on his wife?

ZepherinDrouhin · 20/04/2025 19:21

Make plans to leave your husband and do not pursue the other man until he has left his wife. Otherwise, you'll be his available bit on the side and he'll be in no hurry to leave his wife.

Be single and make plans to widen your social circle and meet new people but do not be in a relationship. You need time to heal and put yourself first instead of being another man's partner. You need time for yourself to live life the way you want to live it without someone dictating what you should and shouldn't do.

NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTin · 20/04/2025 19:24

ThejoyofNC · 20/04/2025 19:21

If he's such a good man then why is he cheating on his wife?

Perhaps for the same reason the OP is?

Missj25 · 20/04/2025 19:27

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I’m sure everyone can understand OP just fine ! !
Why do you feel the need to be nasty ????

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