To not attend family gatherings as the only single person

[Sundaycoffee]

AIBU to avoid family gatherings as I find them too difficult as a single person.
I am one of 3 daughters the oldest at 39. My two youngers sisters (37 and 28) both have young children and the entire time they spend their time chatting about parenting. Their other halves get on well and obviously a lot of the day is focused around the children.
I feel like the black sheep of the family as I am single and childless (not by choice) and being the eldest makes it even more difficult to see my two younger sisters bonding over motherhood.
I come away from these gatherings feeling like the black sheep of the family and need to take time throughout the day popping for a break to myself as I feel quite overwhelmed by it all.
It's starting to make me feel like maybe it would be easier to miss them altogether but would IBU?

How hard would it have been for OP's tone deaf mother to post about loving Mother's Day with her three daughters?

I totally get where you’re coming from. I was single until 37, then met my partner and had two children in my early 40s. Prior to that, I definitely felt left out and awkward at family gatherings. Not so much with my immediate family, but certainly in the wider family of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I did avoid some big family events and whilst that was mostly ok, I feel huge regret about not going to my Nan’s 80th birthday, as she died not long afterwards. I really did cut off my nose to spite my face there.

It would be about something different. She wasn’t talking about her experience as a mother to three lovely daughters.

She was talking about the brilliant mothers they have become. She can’t congratulate her daughter who isn’t a mum on being a good mum.

YANBU
i think you should definitely do what feels right for you, maybe go less often and create a shorter attendance when you do go.

There is something to be said for taking control of your life & deciding how you feel about what who you are. Things are likely to change over time and if you invest in yourself and in growing a personal life with friends and hobbies or service or learning of some kind - a life which helps you become fulfilled - that’s the ideal.

The parent bore dynamic does change and I have to say I am now an aunt who is completely besotted with my grown up nieces and nephew. We are really close and when we all gather we have a great time.

So I would advise look after yourself but keep an eye on the long game and the great joys of family life

I wish you all the best.

This, the long game. I would say if you don’t have children there will be period of time with your family that will be harder than others. But children grow up, and things will become more balanced again.

Work out what you need to do for yourself meantime.

True, but given her daughter she is struggling it would have been more sensitive to acknowledge the OP in same way - thank you to my 3 lovely girls who have made motherhood so special to me followed by grandkids.

Or better still IMO text her two other daughters as I have no idea why anyone much less older person who, I’m sorry to be ageist, shouldn’t need to seek validation on Facebook. I’m the OP’s age with 120 odd Facebook friends and a tiny number still share personal stuff on Facebook. But that is a whole other debate so I’ll leave it!

That’s awful of your mother. Really incredibly thoughtless and insensitive. I’m surprised your sisters haven’t pulled her up on it.

Then better to say nothing at all that divides the daughters.

I agree.

But I think OP’s mum was clumsy rather than unkind. She was thinking in terms of mothers, what with it being Mother’s Day, and didn’t reflect on how OP might perceive it.