"Ipad Kid" ??

[Becc91]

Worried I'm going to be grilled for this 🙈... But has anyone else noticed that whenever you go out to eat there always seems to be a sticky toddler with an i pad?!
After seeing this for a 3rd time this week , complete with spaghetti hoops on the screen , a nasty cough and vacant parents who could care less - one of whom was ON THEIR PHONE 😱 i made what I thought was a reasonable request

to turn off the loud video of dancing fruits , only to be looked at like I'd grown a 3rd head?!?! DS (19) typically embarrassed- says I was out of order , but I just can't understand the laziness of it all.Is it just me?😲

YANBU for thinking this way (I don’t disagree with you - it’s an important part of socialisation, learning manners and to be present etc), and to be irritated by the noise too. However, I personally think YABU for saying/doing something about it. You can’t be sure of their individual circumstances - it could be the first time they’ve let them do that at a meal for a treat or to console them after a bad experience… I don’t know, I’m clutching at examples, but the point I’m making is you just don’t know.

Couldn’t agree more!

People just don't want to be around loud, annoying kids. Nothing wrong with that. I have a 3yo who behaves well most of the time as do most kids I see and they don't need screens to do it

I agree we set the expectation that our daughter would behave and she rose to the challenge. We took the opportunity to chat as a family

to add: things that were acceptable ‘back in the day’ but no parent would allow now (basically leaving your kid to their own devices while you do anything but spend time with them) - but how dare someone give a kid an iPad for a little while in a restaurant.

https://www.countryliving.com/life/kids-pets/g4906/things-60s-kids-did-that-would-horrify-us-now/

Disagree so much with this. My 3yo was even more well behaved when they were 2. Especially as they're usually sitting in a high chair and curious to eat different food and watch what's happening around them. Most kids are actually like this from what I've observed when out. Mine was a covid baby too.

I don't know if that's a good excuse to be honest as really you want to try and engage children with autism to have conversation not stifle them even more.

How on earth do my children cope without them in restaurants? 😂 Like I did- they have a colouring book and actually talk to their family. I have taught them questions to ask others to show interest, and they understand recent news to share, things they’ve been doing, etc.

At 1 they were making polite chit chat? 😆

@TY78910 exactly, parents have never been expected to parent so much these days vs the past.

@Tbrh you think society is more tolerant towards dc now?

It’s hideous. Constantly seeing gormless babies and toddlers glued to iPhones on trains, in cafes and just on walks. What happened to babies looking at the world around them? Useless parenting.

I think it depends what kind of place it was. I think it's more unreasonable if it was a nice restaurant in an evening versus a cafe or pub in the daytime. They should use headphones but there could be reasons why they can't.

One size doesn't fit all. Every child is different and has different needs. Yes to less technology and more engagement when possible but iPads have their uses too. I remember those really stressful meals out and you were on the clock. Knowing your child would be fine for 20/30 mins and then everything would go wrong. The stress of waiting to order, hoping to put your order straight in but it taking 20mins to be served etc. The children's food being brought out first and then 15mins later you get yours, they are finished and bored, getting upset and you're shovelling food down your throat. My husband getting cross & embarrassed cause they are causing a scene and saying let's just leave and you've had 3 mouthfuls. Some posters will say, just don't go but you go on holiday and you need to eat or they were fine the last time but this time they are easily upset for one of a million reasons they can't tell you. We try to avoid technology, bring books, colours but sometimes when they are finished eating my 5 year old will go on my phone and play (usually an educational game) a game on topmarks. My daughter has always been really good at playing, amusing herself but there were some sweat inducing moments in restaurants when she was 2/3 and peppa pig was popped infront of her so we could have 10mins to eat. A lot of older people judge because it wasn't necessary in their day but that's because the technology wasn't available. They may have made different choices if their child was kicking off and they had a magical device in their pocket which would buy them 10mins peace. We also need to stop comparing child, what works for yours won't necessarily work for another. I obviously do agree with turning the sound down.

This is why I never eat out with my son.
He has complex needs and his iPad keeps him grounded in social situations.

I'm sure you would have something to say if the child was rolling on the floor crying because they felt so overwhelmed.

It's easier for us to stay at home than deal with judgement from others.
At the end of the day you don't know their circumstances or situation.

I would say so, I never went to a restaurant when I was a child, but I take my DC to them (I go early). People also used to tell you off if you were naughty when I was a kid. I was well behaved, but my cousin was a terror and he always got in trouble

I’m not going to sugar coat this as I’m sick to death of listening to everyone else’s noise.

People walking around talking with phones on loud speaker & expecting everyone else to listen to their conversation.

Or listening to phones / videos on loudspeaker.

Controversial I know…… But sticking your kid in front of a screen is such lazy parenting on their part. If you can’t be arsed interacting with your own child and would rather stick them in front of the electronic babysitter then for the love of god put headphones on them. Absolutely no one wants to listen to your kids electronic noise.

And for those who trot out the autistic card - my view is absolutely the same. What do you think people did before screens? They talked to their child, interacted with them and entertained them.

It’s absolutely not unacceptable at all to politely ask them to pop some headphones in or turn the noise off.

As a society this sadly seems to have become the norm. People thinking that their ‘wants’ trump everyone else’s. Let’s not normalise this - it’s bad manners, a lack self-awareness and lack of consideration for others.

I wouldn’t frame it as well behaved or naughty @Tbrh. They’re not mini adults - they’re kids. My daughter can stare at nothing in her pushchair with zero interaction from me. She’ll stare glassy eyed out of buses and just sort of zone out.

Our boy needs loads more interaction and chat so I’m always the dickhead on the bus saying ‘how many ducks can we count’ yada yada. I’m definitely the performance parent everyone moans about here. It’s exhausting but he’s not at all naughty. That’s unfair. In fact his preschool nursery say he’s compliant and they’re concerned he’s quiet. He clearly saves it all for us and his mates. It’s nothing to do with covid - it’s his personality. He’s just a chatter box, walked super early and needed stimulation. He can read for hours now but wouldn’t at two. He could never sit still in a swing either. Kids are just different. We haven’t used screens and I only mentioned covid because had we’d been restaurant-going types I’d have definitely chucked him my phone. He’s four now and wouldn’t need a screen

Irony? Trolling? Whatever, don't expect other people to fall in line with you and your child. Get him used to headphones.

Like I said, how much screen time you let your kids have and what you let them watch is nothing to do with me. I don't care. But when you're out in public, the sound should be off. Not turned down. Off.

As other posters have said, the problem is we live in a world that’s really quite intolerant to children these days. One half of the population smugly protest against having children in such a turbulent world, and suggest anyone doing so is irresponsible, and the other half are people who have had their own children and seem to have forgotten what it was like, so “tisk tisk, tut tut” and judge away at any given opportunity. Parents feel that judgement and they feel under pressure, so I can appreciate how some may take, what they deem to be, the “easy way out” to keep their child entertained/quiet. Hard to win really! Like I say, I don’t like iPads myself, and it’s not something I would choose, but I empathise with the parents who do. I imagine if their child was fussing you would have said something then too, yes?

edit: Big yes to the headphones btw. But by the sounds of your post, that wasn’t your only gripe.

It's an interesting admission; I find most people (I work with the general public on a daily basis), with whom the eg. Facebook topic is brought up, always try and admonish themselves with "well I only use", (insert personal excuse for over using said SM platform), as if they, too, agree everyone else is at fault. My guess is we are ALL complicit in some way; I'm in over 200 groups on FB 🤷‍♀️

Sure, not all kids are naughty. Sadly, my cousin was naughty, spoilt and turned into a terrible adult unfortunately. Actually ended up in prison briefly. Sorry to bring the mood down, didn't expect to share that! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@DefinitelyMaybe92
I imagine if their child was fussing you would have said something then too, yes?

and this point is bang on the money ^

we were travelling by tube yesterday for about 45mins. DD chatting away, took a special interest in station signs (the London red circles with station names on them) and was really loud and excited “OH LOOK ANOTHER ONE”, then playing eye spy - and the eye rolls from passengers who had no time for this were so passive aggressively noticeable it was almost laughable. But the same people would likely make a thread like this if I gave her her iPad.

Maybe re-read the post you quoted.

At no point did I say my kids were watching anything. It's an example of a child using a screen on mute as a tool in order to facilitate their social interactions, and therefore of how not all screentime is "brain rotting" and "stunting development" as was suggested.

Couldn’t agree more. My DSS is autistic (quite noticeably in public given that he has a near constant vocal stim) and at his mom’s house it’s screens galore. Here we didn’t even own a TV until a few months ago and the kids almost never watch it (special film days only). He had learned to read, pored over books and plays endlessly with his toys, he doesn’t need the screen.