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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to leave because of creepy neighbour

78 replies

Shiny88 · 19/04/2025 19:06

So I just want to know if I’m being irrational.
iv phoned the police already and they have just made a lon and basically said he’s probably got the wrong end of the stick because I was being nice.

on to the AIBU. It’s a long one I am sorry.

So we have lived here for 5 years and direct Nextdoor neighbour has never caused any issues. He’s early 60s, abit of a drinker but never caused a problem.
last year he made a comment at me - can’t quite remember but I let it slide.
we had some glorious weather 2 weeks ago and he was sat on his door step. So just being neighbourly we chatted for a couple of mins. The following day he was there again.
me and my partner were painting the fence. He ignored my partner and just wanted to talk to me. Thought nothing of it but did think it was weird.
the following day I was out cleaning my car and he came out in women’s pyjamas and a dressing gown and said
‘I was going to call over the other day to see if you wanted to sit in the sun with me’

so I replied - again being neighbourly and feeling Abit sorry for him as his wife passed away 2 years ago so thought he might be lonely. - ‘aww whens it’s nice next il sit and have a cuppa with you.’

and he said - ‘well we can sunbathe’ with that he then lent in and said ‘I only want you in your knickers’

at the point I was uncomfortable so I said I’m going to finish cleaning my car now.

the next two days he was watching me through his window and he can see into our house from the side windows.

then yesterday I hear a Knock on the door. It’s him again in the same clothing as the other day.
I open the door he tries to step in. I shut the door too so he can’t. He’s whole mannerism is off and he was giving off a strange vibe if you will.

he said ‘ you’ve not popped over to see me yet’

I reply ‘no Iv been busy it’s half term’

at this point my 6 year old daughter comes to stand by my side.

he proceeds to say ‘Iv come to do a trade with you, do you want to do a trade’ - while he is asking this he is rubbing his crotch area through his dressing gown.

I said ‘what you you want to trade’ (again maybe I’m naive but I thought he might want milk or something)

he said ‘you know a trade’ and then proceeds to get something out of his pocket and tried to hand it to me. And made me take it.

i opened it and it was lingerie shorts. - must have been his wife’s as they looked used as in old and worn.

and this point I hand the back to him quickly and said I’m not interested and repeated this three times and slammed the door.

today he’s been watching me through the window when I was outside and as soon as my partner came out he left the window.

I don’t feel safe and I want to move from this house. I feel as though it has escalated so quickly and he is clearly unhinged. AIBU?

my daughter was so unsettled yesterday after it and didn’t want to be in her own in her own house.
I feel dirty it’s horrid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shiny88 · 19/04/2025 19:08

*made a log not lon

OP posts:
MovingAlongNicely · 19/04/2025 19:09

YANBU. Did you phone the police after this most recent incident?

Original poster
Shiny88 · 19/04/2025 19:10

@MovingAlongNicelyyes I did and they literally said they’ve logged it and he’s probably got the wrong end of the stick because I was being nice. It’s a joke

OP posts:
GiroJim100 · 19/04/2025 19:11

That sounds really unnerving. You’re best off just trying to avoid him. Also keep a log of any incidents like this if he does start harassing you on a regular basis so you can pass that to the police.

GreenSkyes · 19/04/2025 19:12

That's awful from the police! Keep a diary of every time you see him looking through his window at you etc. this can be used if his behaviour escalates again.

FancyNewt · 19/04/2025 19:12

I think you should call the police again and press them to do their job and speak to him for harassing you.

forrestfrankfan · 19/04/2025 19:13

Im so sorry the police acted like that OP. Being kind to someone doesn't give them the green light to act like a pervert!!

DearBee · 19/04/2025 19:13

I presume your partner is male?

My husband would be round there telling the guy to back off. You shouldn't have to get a man to do it, but sometimes I think it helps.

Original poster
Shiny88 · 19/04/2025 19:13

@GreenSkyesthe police are known as the Mickey Mouse police around here as they don’t do a lot. I’m definitely going to keep a log of everything

OP posts:
Keroppi · 19/04/2025 19:13

That's absolutely disgusting you poor thing!! Your partner needs to go round and tell him off and that he needs to never speak or look at you again - it may be the only thing he will listen to, unfortunately!

Original poster
Shiny88 · 19/04/2025 19:14

@DearBeeyes he is and he’s been round there a few times hammering in the door but the guy won’t answer because he can see it’s him

OP posts:
DearBee · 19/04/2025 19:15

Shiny88 · 19/04/2025 19:14

@DearBeeyes he is and he’s been round there a few times hammering in the door but the guy won’t answer because he can see it’s him

I hope he'll get the message soon. Honestly, what a disgusting creep. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Sminty2 · 19/04/2025 19:18

Get a door bell camera or use your phone to record him next time. Send it to the police.

Keroppi · 19/04/2025 19:19

Perhaps a ring doorbell now too.

And you could phone the police and say he is indirectly sexually harassing your child by making sexual comments and showing lingerie in front of her, staring at you and her.. surely it's grooming, etc?! Maybe they'd take that more seriously too.

If you know your other neighbours I would say something to the most gossip-y of them. They should be on guard for you. I had a creepy bloke who lived around the corner in my old house constantly proposition me and my female NDN for sex/to be fuckbuddies 🤢🤮 He used to look over our fences and in the front windows and everything. In the end we had to get all the male partners or brothers to be a sort of "mob" and be vile to him whenever they saw him around our street, then he stopped talking to us. A public shaming seemed to work, however medieval

Original poster
Shiny88 · 19/04/2025 19:28

Keroppi · 19/04/2025 19:19

Perhaps a ring doorbell now too.

And you could phone the police and say he is indirectly sexually harassing your child by making sexual comments and showing lingerie in front of her, staring at you and her.. surely it's grooming, etc?! Maybe they'd take that more seriously too.

If you know your other neighbours I would say something to the most gossip-y of them. They should be on guard for you. I had a creepy bloke who lived around the corner in my old house constantly proposition me and my female NDN for sex/to be fuckbuddies 🤢🤮 He used to look over our fences and in the front windows and everything. In the end we had to get all the male partners or brothers to be a sort of "mob" and be vile to him whenever they saw him around our street, then he stopped talking to us. A public shaming seemed to work, however medieval

We’ve ordered a ring doorbell.

I know I’m so worries. He can see into our garden aswell. So I don’t even feel comfortable getting the summer stuff out.
we live in a private rented home so it’s not like we can put a 6 foot fence up either.

oh my goodness I’m so sorry that happened to you and your NDN. That’s awful! Did the guy stop on the end? It’s horrid isn’t it 😔

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 19/04/2025 19:34

He sounds like a bit of a weirdo. I think all you can do is keep your distance. If he asks to have a cuppa or whatever just say you're busy.
Hopefully you can put up some fencing to block him from seeing fully into your garden?
I hope he leaves you alone x

Lyracappul · 19/04/2025 19:34

plant some bamboo in planters or laurel.. .. and line em along where you’d want the hedge..

Cardinalita90 · 19/04/2025 19:35

When you're alone in the house get in the habit of keeping your doors locked (on the basis he tried to barge in). Completely disengage with him, even if he's being "normal", and get your partner to tell him or put a note through if he won't answer to say any further behaviour will be an immediate police call.

Any chance there a break clause in your tenancy?

LimeQuoter · 19/04/2025 19:37

That is not a nice experience. Sounds like being polite to this guy is not a good idea. I would tell your partner so he can support you in this. I would go about your business smartly when you are outside and don't even acknowledge him. You could pretend you don't notice anything amiss, just be busy. Your daughter has to be supervised every time she is outside for now anyway. What a creepy guy! He must have interpreted your politeness as coming on to him or he could be an every day drinker too. Is your partner female? could be a factor too, given his age. I would document any weirdness to have on hand for the guards if necessary. You shouldn't have to move house because of him

Sassybooklover · 19/04/2025 19:41

Note down every single incident. Date, time and facts. Once your Ring doorbell arrives get it installed asap. Unfortunately, it looks to me that you may need more incidents as evidence to prove that this man is sexually harassing you.

Pandimoanymum · 19/04/2025 19:43

Shiny88 · 19/04/2025 19:10

@MovingAlongNicelyyes I did and they literally said they’ve logged it and he’s probably got the wrong end of the stick because I was being nice. It’s a joke

"Getting the wrong end of the stick" does not excuse his behaviour, ffs. This is literally how sexual harrassment and assault has been excused" for years. Awful reaction from the police.

JLou08 · 19/04/2025 19:45

I'd go back to the police, even if it doesn't meet threshold for harassment yet surely touching his crotch in front of a 6 yo is a crime.

ZippyPeer · 19/04/2025 19:46

This guy has shown himself to be weird and a danger to you, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. But don't be polite, treat him as the threat he is.

Prepare some stock phrases to roll out whenever he approaches you, say them loudly and clearly. 'this conversation is over', 'you are standing to close, you need to step back', 'no, I will not be sitting in the sun with you, I no longer wish to and you will need to respect that'

Might be worth coming up with an explanation to your daughter so she understands why you are saying these things and to make it clear he is not a safe person

rwalker · 19/04/2025 19:48

Speak to local PCSO you can find out which one it is for your area
write it all down reiterating how it will not be tolerated and it’s unacceptable put it through his letterbox that’s something he can read and digest

probably get flamed for this as no one generally wants to considers any other option than a perv
frontal temporal dementia can present like this the front lobe controls temperament , judgement approtentness and loss of inhibitions yet the can seem quite coherent
. people say it can’t be dementia as he’d be asking DH to sunbathe in his boxers it doesn’t work like that .
where as normally he’d of just thought she’s nice and that’s it the filter has gone hence him rubbing his crotch and asking to sunbathe in underwear

in 5 years it’s such a change of character

LimeQuoter · 19/04/2025 19:49

A public shaming isn't a bad idea either. If you are caught unguarded and he makes a comment, you could repeat it in a loud voice "what's that you said, ......" as close as you can to other neighbours/passersby or pretend to have a family member on the phone who can hear. Could stop it in it's tracks

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