To say the behaviour crisis in schools can't just be blamed on parenting

[Sendcrisis2025]

I speak as a mum of two children with EHCPs and someone who is a SENDIASS officer, name changed to protect my identity/job.

There is a strong rhetoric from the teaching unions this week about behaviour in schools and poor parenting. No mention of the bigger picture, just poor parenting.

My DC are 10 and 8, just two years behind them. When DC1 was a toddler there was a huge range of groups, support, targeted interventions through the local sure start centre. These were already being cut by the time my DC2 was a toddler. Then covid happened and the services and groups have just not returned. There is no early support anymore.

One of my DC is a challenge in school, fortuantly she is predominantly a flight risk rather than violent but still a behavioural challenge. We have had one physical incident where she shoved a teacher. Pure combination of factors that had led to DC being enclosed within a corner by several children and with nowhere to escape to she shoved to escape. Unacceptable but that was the reasoning of why and she was suspended for two days etc. She struggles to cope with the sensory demands of mainstream. Too many children, too much going on. They fly through the content whereas she likes to master things in depth before moving on. Too many low level behavioural issues like children who just don't ever stop talking. She can't navigate social dynamics. None of this DC can cope with. There is a lack of consistency in the school day and the routines. None of this is the school's fault but realistically how it is in every mainstream school. We are struggling to get her moved to a specialist setting. She has no learning needs and generally with the one exception, she isnt violent so the SEMH schools are not appropriate either.

My other DC would never dream of acting out, is not a behavioural issue at all despite his needs.

Based on the unions DC is entirely due to my poor parenting. It doesnt matter that DC2 is a behavioural dream. It doesnt matter that I have no behavioural issues with DC1 at home where it is quiet, the same rigid routine for the past 6 years and less social demands. It doesnt matter that she is in a completely wrong setting.

In my LA there are over 400 children like my DC1 who have specialist agreed but are stuck in mainstream with no setting to go to. There is nowhere for them to go. These are the children with specialist agreed by the LA. This doesn't include the many hundreds more who don't have specialist agreed or don't even have EHCPs yet.

Our health trust is on 3+ years for an initial appointment. CAMHs are almost non-existent. You are only considered for medication if you are already a behavioural problem in school, it doesn't matter if a child has severe ADHD until they are at the point they can no longer cope and it is at crisis point.

Early help, if accepted, offers 6 weeks of support. There is a huge gap between early help and child in need.

I speak to parents day in day out at work who are desperate for help as their children can not cope at school.

There will always be poorly behaved children due to poor parents but the majority? The majority are children who simply cannot cope in the setting they are in with nowhere to go to.

Over 400 children in my LA with specialist agreed but stuck in mainstream. That is an incredible number.

I know my DC spends 8.45am-2pm in a small cupboard with a 1-1 TA. She joins a much younger year group for the last hour a day. She does 95% of her schoolwork with me at home.

Sounds very much to me like Sinuhe has a lack of respect for one teacher in particular and therefore the child has a lack of respect for that teacher. Her child's behaviour is 'chosen', behaves for the ones they respect (or mom respects) and doesn't behave for this one because he/she knows mom will always make an excuse for him/her.

Most of which could be circumvented by paying £35,000 in the first year. My other child with a 2.2 has gone into tech sales on that starting salary.
To attract the best they need to at least be ballpark competitive, not £20,000 light in some subjects

If 10yo boys are blocking female teachers into class rooms, 10yo's barking at female teachers and 10yo's refusing to even speak to a female teacher, then yes 100% on the parents.

Where else do you think they pick up these disgusting behaviors from???

When parents are then called in to confront these behaviors, its the teachers fault... you sound exactly like this type of parent "My child can do no wrong"

Poor retention because of the shit that they have to put up with. 30 children in a class. 30 parents who have different styles of parenting. Some who support school. Some who have no respect for school or teachers. Some who teach their children right from wrong. Some children who are 'dragged up'. Parents who actually 'parent'. Parents who can't be bothered. Naughty children. Parents who excuse the child's bad behaviour. Parents who blame teachers. Parents who make demands. Parents who bring their children in late. Parents who collect their children late. Parents who have no boundaries. Children coming in tired because they don't have a regular bed time. Children who have never heard the word 'no'. THAT'S why teachers are leaving teaching!

How does that solve the problems that I listed?

It’s easy just to say “bad parents” (as so many are doing here too) because then nobody has to think about the problems in society and how we address them.

It’s also ridiculous to say disabled children are causing issues or taking education away from non SEN kids and there can’t be a bespoke system. Basically what that says is, non SEN kids are more important and deserve education. It’s entirely possible to provide a bespoke education for disabled children. It starts with providing adequate support. The reason more disabled children are pushed into mainstream is because for years people have let their local authorities get away with cutting support staff.

If we don’t educate disabled children properly, we are simply adding to the welfare and support bill for when they become adults. The country thinks we have to cut PIP because there are too many disabled people not working. The way to fix that is to make sure more disabled children are properly educated and supported.

Could not agree more

Pupil behaviour - better educated calibre of teacher - stronger personality etc. Also attracts men into the profession
Workload - better financial reward, similar workload to other professions law, accounting, medical etc - attracting those better able to manage it.
Poor management - will either be managed up or out by up and coming better people
public perception - again, attract more men with better pay and conditions
MSM - nobody takes any notice anymore
SM - as above
Parents etc - again I doubt men would be “confronted” with as much disrespect.
My daughter verbally wipes the floor with stupid parents who havent the mental capacity to even process whats just been said to them nevermind complain about. They leave with their tail between their legs.

What do you do when the teacher emails you to tell you your child had to be removed from the lesson? What punishment do you give your child? I am curious to know why he keeps on getting sent out.

Compare that to a mainstream child, who is allocated 7k a year for their education with zero other benefits or transport.

Transport isn’t limited to those in SS. Neither are DLA, therapies or hospital appointments. And some DC in MS have more funding than £7kpa.

My DC including the bum on chair funding that all children get and her EHCP funding is bring £34000 into her mainstream school.

@Sendcrisis2025 DS3 has EOTIS now, which is far more expensive, but was in MS beforehand and had a similar amount of funding there.

You've articulated my feelings well.

My DC, who can not cope in her mainstream class, is incredibly intelligent. She was working at greater depth across the board until she started this year and stopped being able to access her class. She now is not receiving an education despite being in school. She has so much potential to become a functioning, contributing member of society if she is properly supported now. If we continue to fail her then that has a shockwave effect that will last well into adulthood.

No but the overlap is huge.

The entitlement reeks out of you @Sinuhe !
No wonder your DC has appalling behaviour and gets asked to leave class.
You clearly tell them good behaviour is optional, and when they do behave badly, it obviously the fault of the mean teacher!!
are happy to email or phone me complaining about certain behaviours - none of which involve throwing stuff or hurting others. Most is annoying and petty.
So have some of their behaviour involved throwing stuff and hurting others?
No repercussions for the repeated annoying and petty behaviours? How will they cope at work? Will you charge in and tell HR it's 'their manager's fault!! They won't let my cherub do what they want!!!'

@Peony1897 you posted a child in MS is “allocated 7k a year for their education with zero other benefits or transport.” That statement isn’t correct. Nothing to do with overlap at all.

The accommodations my ASD child needs are basically free and are things great teachers do by default.

Things like providing all instructions in writing. They might also provide them verbally because some students understand them best that way, but my child needs them written down. Things like not pairing students in group work where the smart well behaved ASD girl is being used to both control and teach the boisterous boy who is falling being. Yes, it’s not worded that way, but that is actually in my child’s plan because it happened so often.

when we meet to write the plan, we ask the teachers on the committee how to frame things in a way that will help our child, but not be a burden on them.

Not all special needs provisioning is complicated or expensive. Yet we have been met time and time again with teachers who are outright hostile to being expected to comply with our child’s plan. These classrooms always seem to be horribly run in general.

Classroom behavior and management could go a long way towards improving just by looking at the teachers who automatically do the kind of things that make the experience better for vulnerable children. Those practices make the learning environment better for all children.

"I know of some placements which cost tens of thousands per week for 1 child."
Yes, this does happen but it is always for the most extreme cases (less than a handful per Local Authority). There is no way LAs are funding £380k plus packages for children who don't absolutely need them. Exceptionally needs placements used to be part of my job.

"a bespoke education for half of kids just isn’t financially possible."
Again, very few children get a 'bespoke' education (I.e. EOTAS) as you have to prove that it would be inappropriate for that child to attend any school. It certainly won't ever be "half of kids". I think the number of children in special schools is still like 1%?

"Plus before any child with SEMH issues gets a referral to CAMHS, they should have college confiscation of screens, gaming and junk food for 3 months."
This is silly. So because they have mental health problems you'd take away all their screens? You still, despite your own thread, can't completely prove a causal link. No expert would ever advocate for this and it wouldn't work.

The extended Covid lockdowns put a great batch of children and young people through the mill - from the newborns to university students - they all paid the price.

Then poof! it's all over and we go back to normal; maybe fine for us fully grown adults not so fine for those young brains forced into 'solitude' by 'fear of death' or 'harming others'.

Of course there's going to be an effect on their behaviour today.

Your last sentence is bang on and one of the reasons I left teaching.

“We are sorry. Prolonged lockdowns caused far more problems than they solved. We are deeply, deeply regretful that we failed to oppose them, that we were complicit in stifling any debate about them, that we threw children under the bus in the hope of lowering the death figures, and that at every turn, we opposed any lifting of the restrictions which caused so much damage to our children, and the most vulnerable members of our society.”

We can only dream of a politician saying this. Indeed, none of them want to admit that the lockdowns which most of them cheered on caused massive, massive damage.

All written instructions is absolutely unreasonable. How could a teacher ever achieve that? I can't see how a parent could possibly do that either?

‘Not receiving an education’
This is why I’ve left mainstream teaching sadly. I just couldn’t continue once I realised SLT think this is acceptable for SEN children.

I don’t think it’s just parenting no. I work in secondary, and almost all of our biggest behaviour issues are SEND children. There’s a couple who aren’t, and of those one of them is currently being assessed, but the most extreme behavioural issues are students with SEND who seem to be untouchable. Everything is put back on staff. We’ve got huge classes, and as soon as a kid kicks off we have to explain what we did. Did we follow their plan? Did they have adequate warnings? Did we use their name? Talk in a calm manner? Offer a chance to go for a walk outside? And it’s usually the parents who want all this information as if they are looking for a loophole for their child to not be sanctioned. It’s so hard to manage all of these plans when you have a class with so many different plans in action, it feels like spinning plates. If you have 8 plans in a class, and all 8 kids are misbehaving, it’s really hard to follow the behaviour policy and ensure each step of the plan is being followed- don’t make eye contact with A as he’ll see it as a challenge, don’t let B get near C because they’ll fight, but make sure to allow B regular breaks out of his seat, use a soft tone for D and give them options, but an assertive and literal tone for E. It’s exhausting, and then at the end of the day we get emails from parents saying their kid won’t be sanctioned because of a small loophole and then wonder why it all happens again the next day.

Part of the problem is that every time anyone says anything like ‘bad behaviour is the fault of poor parenting’ or ‘children starting school in nappies is a big problem’ then people start saying ‘what about children with SEN’ when that is not the issue.