To say the behaviour crisis in schools can't just be blamed on parenting

[Sendcrisis2025]

I speak as a mum of two children with EHCPs and someone who is a SENDIASS officer, name changed to protect my identity/job.

There is a strong rhetoric from the teaching unions this week about behaviour in schools and poor parenting. No mention of the bigger picture, just poor parenting.

My DC are 10 and 8, just two years behind them. When DC1 was a toddler there was a huge range of groups, support, targeted interventions through the local sure start centre. These were already being cut by the time my DC2 was a toddler. Then covid happened and the services and groups have just not returned. There is no early support anymore.

One of my DC is a challenge in school, fortuantly she is predominantly a flight risk rather than violent but still a behavioural challenge. We have had one physical incident where she shoved a teacher. Pure combination of factors that had led to DC being enclosed within a corner by several children and with nowhere to escape to she shoved to escape. Unacceptable but that was the reasoning of why and she was suspended for two days etc. She struggles to cope with the sensory demands of mainstream. Too many children, too much going on. They fly through the content whereas she likes to master things in depth before moving on. Too many low level behavioural issues like children who just don't ever stop talking. She can't navigate social dynamics. None of this DC can cope with. There is a lack of consistency in the school day and the routines. None of this is the school's fault but realistically how it is in every mainstream school. We are struggling to get her moved to a specialist setting. She has no learning needs and generally with the one exception, she isnt violent so the SEMH schools are not appropriate either.

My other DC would never dream of acting out, is not a behavioural issue at all despite his needs.

Based on the unions DC is entirely due to my poor parenting. It doesnt matter that DC2 is a behavioural dream. It doesnt matter that I have no behavioural issues with DC1 at home where it is quiet, the same rigid routine for the past 6 years and less social demands. It doesnt matter that she is in a completely wrong setting.

In my LA there are over 400 children like my DC1 who have specialist agreed but are stuck in mainstream with no setting to go to. There is nowhere for them to go. These are the children with specialist agreed by the LA. This doesn't include the many hundreds more who don't have specialist agreed or don't even have EHCPs yet.

Our health trust is on 3+ years for an initial appointment. CAMHs are almost non-existent. You are only considered for medication if you are already a behavioural problem in school, it doesn't matter if a child has severe ADHD until they are at the point they can no longer cope and it is at crisis point.

Early help, if accepted, offers 6 weeks of support. There is a huge gap between early help and child in need.

I speak to parents day in day out at work who are desperate for help as their children can not cope at school.

There will always be poorly behaved children due to poor parents but the majority? The majority are children who simply cannot cope in the setting they are in with nowhere to go to.

Over 400 children in my LA with specialist agreed but stuck in mainstream. That is an incredible number.

I know my DC spends 8.45am-2pm in a small cupboard with a 1-1 TA. She joins a much younger year group for the last hour a day. She does 95% of her schoolwork with me at home.

Absolutely this. It was at this point I decided to retire at 60. It was thoroughly soul destroying trying to teach Reception this way.

I can’t quite believe a child would physically assault a teacher. I am not suggesting it’s not true, but it’s extremely shocking behaviour. I have never heard of that happening before. It’s hard not to think this reflects upbringing. If it is made clear that you don’t push or hurt other people, or put your hands on them, then a child wouldn’t dare do it.

When my daughter was on supply getting work experience, one child slammed her into a door frame and broke her hand.
She wasn’t offered the accident book and it wasn’t documented, the agency couldn’t remember which school the incident happened when I tried to follow it up with vengeance.

According to the official documentation, there’s been no physical violence in that school but there has been

It's a regular occurrence if you look at the statistics. That will be the reported assaults, nevermind the ones swept under the carpet like PPs describe. The no more exclusions lobby has given children and parents the idea they can behave how they like without consequence.

Agreed. I've worked in several schools. Sadly it is by no means uncommon.

A local school with a good reputation used to do this but were criticised by Ofsted for it. They stopped, behaviour deteriorated and now they have been criticised for that. Teachers would probably agree with you but can't do what they like.

No offence but you must have been spectacularly uninterested in this if this is really coming as a shock to you. Teachers have been telling these experiences for years now. Serious assaults from very small children all the way up to teens who are bigger, taller and stronger than they are. I work in the independent sector now so I am thankfully not exposed to this but when I was training and in my first school it was present. Colleagues in other schools tell me plenty. It's utterly appalling and whilst yes I do think huge changes could be undertaken with the curriculum, fundamentally, that behaviour comes from home and nowhere else.

We have the opposite, I have not worked FT for many years because basically I’ve had to lead the way with every element of my (SEND) child’s needs. For two years everything was played down and I was essentially gas lighted, at times they were dismissive and occasionally rude. I have single handedly managed to get DC diagnosed, including paying for an assessment with specific recommendations, none of which have been implemented, despite meetings and promises. Some of these recommendations date from 2023, not implemented.
I wrote the EHCP for the school and also have written funding bids for them and specific interventions and plans, spending hundreds of hours. It’s been like another job role. Found out last week DC had gaps going back to Year one (now year 5) which is when I first flagged concerns (which were dismissed).
DC has good social skills and no behavioural issues. This is because I appreciate that SEND does not completely excuse bad behaviour and also that DC has to ultimately fit into society so I am doing no favours not robustly helping them to do this. Also school gets considerable funding to support so no excuse but there was an arrogance about listening to me. I have been proved correct on every single concern I raised 4 years ago. Unions and government, councils need to engage with parents before making judgements. That said, I think secondary is a whole different ballgame and i have real sympathy for teachers there, especially the female ones.

It’s very little to do with parenting a lot to do with the way education is given . The old school format is not working , not only there are a lot more children neurodivergent but the way children access information , the way children are raised and the way children learn in a whole changed . Yet we still want our kids sitting in tables with silly uniforms made for compliance only and fully controlled . Look at other places where they school less hours , where school is different where there are no uniforms , less behaviour issues , less bullying , better education .

@MAFSsaddict I said many times (not that anyone was very interested) that getting an EHCP is basically having a part time (unpaid) job while you do the LA's job for them (the schools were both good).

I think that in the vast, vast majority of cases independent investigation would find parents asked for help many times but nothing was forthcoming.

Of course there must be parents who could do better but the problem is schools have got nothing and nowhere to refer to in a timely fashion so the parents (usually mums) are very much on their own with it. Literally on their own in a lot of cases.

What nonsense.

The way children (and all humans) learn hasn't changed ever. We're programmed to learn via repetition, revisiting and regular use of knowledge. Whether that knowledge is which berry is safe to eat as a cave dweller, up to solving a quadratic equation.

Places with fewer hours in school tend to have smaller class sizes and a completely different societal construct. They also tend to have worse educational outcomes.

My daughter wouldn't have been considered SEN years ago, she has ADHD and her behaviour is very challenging. However, I refuse to make excuses and I have told school too that she needs to have consequences for her actions because she certainly won't get any grace as an adult (and rightly so) I'd rather teach her that while she's young. It seems that our attitude isn't the norm and the school are incredibly grateful for it. Our daughter would be a hell of a lot worse if we always excused her actions.

Is it ? Look at how school works in other countries in Europe . You have plenty of evidence

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/pisa-scores-by-country

Loads of European countries topping this..... 😬

Quite the opposite ! They do better ! Shorter class periods also improved cognitive function . As for humans learning the same way … did you have access to internet growing up ? Obviously I’m not sure how old you are but in my time research was done in person in the library , you had no way of actually finding facts . My 3 year old knows how a combustion engine works and how an electric engine works because her sister showed her a video and a book . Did you have access to that ?

I'm so sorry what an awful thing to say to your child. I hope things are better for them now.

A lot of my friends have chosen to home school for this reason, they could allow their child to follow their interests and not whiz through at someone else's pace. It's not an option for many people though, and one I haven't (at least yet) taken.

I put a post up on LinkedIn with a link to the School and one of their polls to ask if you’ve ever been bullied in the workplace.
It got half a million votes and then I printed it out and posted it to the city Council’s HR department.
Probably achieved absolutely nothing but it made me feel slightly better.

and God help the local authority if my child is ever injured again in the workplace, I will sue them to high heaven. She knows not to leave the premises without the accident book again.

Spot on !!!
I know parents who have asked permission to change their child’s nappy . I mean ?????
The child stinks - do everyone a favour - change the nappy !
Same child isn’t told to hand a toy back they snatched off another child . Again ????

Conversely , caning / corporal punishment isn’t the way either (just promotes fear )
Kids do know they’re untouchable though !
Parents don’t back teachers etc

But the process of learning is still the same, no matter what medium you get the information from.

Yes but the method changes . Lots of people on this thread are telling this , school is not working for their children .

So let's stick kids in front of videos as that's worked well with your 3yo?

The top PISA countries have bigger classes, more respected teachers, more discipline and a more respectful society. Even the EEF research shows class size has minimal impact on outcomes. Schools need to be better funded and have more external SEN support. They also need a societal shift where parents back schools and their consequences, and schools are allowed to give out consequences that have an impact (ie exclusion).

I could teach bigger classes if I had a lot more time to plan it if they were all at the same level. At the moment in a class of 30 there will be approximately 8-10 with some sort of SEN. About 4 per class will have an EHCP. Each one needs a different approach. At the moment it is impossible with just a few lessons of PPA.

But they have different societies.

When l was teaching, smaller classes meant more individual attention, more checking understanding, better behaviour, and just better outcomes for every child.

Wr don’t have a Far Eastern culture in the U.K. or even a European one.