Tired of being the only one

[Burritowrap]

My partner and I have been together for a year and a half. We haven’t been actively “trying,” but we haven’t been preventing either—we’ve had unprotected sex, and we both know I want a child, and he’s expressed that he does too.

I take my health and fertility seriously: I don’t drink or smoke, I eat well, exercise, and I’m really conscious about creating the best possible environment for conception. But my partner is 14 years older than me, and he still drinks, vapes, and occasionally smokes weed. I’m starting to feel really alone in this.

This month, I timed everything right. I tracked my ovulation, took care of myself, and now I’ve started using ovulation strips and even booked a pre-pregnancy screening with blood work to make sure I’m healthy. Meanwhile, he’s been away on a two-week boys’ trip—drinking and smoking—and I just feel so let down.

I really want him to go for a fertility analysis, because I can’t help but worry that his lifestyle and age might be affecting our chances. But I know I’ll probably be met with “if it happens, it happens” or “I’m not ready anyway.” It hurts, because I do love him, and I don’t want to lose him—but I do want to start a family, and time is not exactly on our side, especially for him.

Can anyone relate? How do I navigate this? I feel like we need a serious, honest conversation—a reality check. But I’m scared of what that might mean.

Why do you want to have children with someone who smokes weed?

You lost me at two week boys trip. Find someone else.

You're also going to feel very alone parenting with this guy.

Why on earth do you want someone like that to father your child? Have some standards.

Why are you actively trying for a child when it doesn't seem as if you are even in a committed relationship?

He doesn’t sound like parent material.

You are on different pages. You are actively trying to conceive, he isn’t. Sadly I think you do need to have that conversation, even if you don’t get the answer you want. Better to know now.

Your so right

This. This is not going to be a happy parenting and cohabiting experience. I’m sorry. He’s showing you that you’re not compatible.

How on earth is this a decent father, maybe think about the poor child's needs and having to grow up with this in their life, a child is not about you

And this is harsh

You ARE actively trying to have a child, he is Actively trying NOT to and is certainly not in the headspace where he wants a child.
You are deluding yourself I’m afraid .
If he is more that 45, I strongly suspect that he does not want a baby, and you should find a new partner to father your children.

If you are feeling alone at the stage of planning for a baby it’s unlikely to get much better.

It doesn’t look as if he wants to make any changes to his lifestyle. Think on that.

He is 44.

Sometimes things don’t happen because it’s not meant to be. You couldn’t have picked the worse potential father for a child and if you can’t see that then you aren’t ready either.
this is the perfect reason to not bring a child into this very unhealthy relationship.
take some time out to work on yourself and why you chose him, and then look for someone much better.
im sorry you are going through this but a child shouldn’t be raised in this situation

You haven't been together very long and he smokes weed....do you really want a baby with this man?

First post nailed it !
there’s an adage … “when somebody shows you who they are , believe them the first time “…

Jeez, leave him and start again with someone who would actually have half a chance of being a decent role model. Do you want him smoking weed around a baby?
You’ll be a single parent as soon as you give birth if you do actually conceive. Is this the plan?
You’re 30. You have plenty of time to find someone and build a healthy environment to bring a child into. This isn’t it.

If this is his behaviour now, what makes you think he is magically going to turn into father of the year? Clue: he isn’t. This man is totally selfish, and I strongly suggest you ditch him. Please don’t have a child with a weed smoking, selfish man, so unfair on you and the poor child..

OP, you feel alone because you are alone. This guy is not bothered about having a child or being a family unit. The fact that he is still taking drugs despite all your efforts to be healthy shows the level of respect he has for the relationship (very little).

He is not and will not become a good partner. He will not be a good father. Do not choose to subject a child to this waste of space, please.

Why on earth would you have a child with a 44 year old stoner? I get so tired of women setting the bar so low for men/fathers. Please think of your future childs needs.

If he can’t be bothered to put the effort in with the ‘fun‘ bit then what do you think he’ll be like at 3am and the baby is crying, or doing the housework etc?

is he great in other ways? If not then I’d say get out quick and find someone your age to have kids with

Your reality check is harsh but correct.

Nailed it, sorry. If you want a kid go find someone who actually could be a good parent with you.

He is great in other ways yes. Hes very kind, considerate and fun. I asked him to cut out weed and he did straight away and kept it up for three months. But then after this lads holiday hes been smoking it again. I feel so let down.