Tired of being the only one

[Burritowrap]

My partner and I have been together for a year and a half. We haven’t been actively “trying,” but we haven’t been preventing either—we’ve had unprotected sex, and we both know I want a child, and he’s expressed that he does too.

I take my health and fertility seriously: I don’t drink or smoke, I eat well, exercise, and I’m really conscious about creating the best possible environment for conception. But my partner is 14 years older than me, and he still drinks, vapes, and occasionally smokes weed. I’m starting to feel really alone in this.

This month, I timed everything right. I tracked my ovulation, took care of myself, and now I’ve started using ovulation strips and even booked a pre-pregnancy screening with blood work to make sure I’m healthy. Meanwhile, he’s been away on a two-week boys’ trip—drinking and smoking—and I just feel so let down.

I really want him to go for a fertility analysis, because I can’t help but worry that his lifestyle and age might be affecting our chances. But I know I’ll probably be met with “if it happens, it happens” or “I’m not ready anyway.” It hurts, because I do love him, and I don’t want to lose him—but I do want to start a family, and time is not exactly on our side, especially for him.

Can anyone relate? How do I navigate this? I feel like we need a serious, honest conversation—a reality check. But I’m scared of what that might mean.

He’s showing you who he is, OP. You want a child, he’s not bothered. He’s certainly not behind the project in the way you are, and is unlikely to be a good fellow-parent. I don’t think sleep-walking into having a child with him is a good idea, and you know yourself that the ‘serious conversation’ isn’t going going to produce the result you want. He’ll just say he’s not bothered.

He doesn’t want a child, if he did he’d be taking it seriously.

Are you sure you’ve had the proper conversation about children?

Just because he’s not wearing a condom, doesn’t mean he actively wants children.

I’m worried that if you do get pregnant he will not be supportive of you and will blame you not being on the pill.

I wouldn’t want a child at his age, especially if he has older kids.

Stop TTC and figure out what you want from life.

Is it to spend the rest of your life with this man or having kids because I’m not sure you can have both, especially not whilst being happy.

Sounds like you should be relieved not disappointed that you've not yet got pregnant.

Plus with you not being married, it would have been too easy for him to walk away from his responsibilities when the realities of being a parent of a newborn became apparent.

My partner always has a stag do or football weekend in the pipeline. They aren’t necessarily a bad thing. We stay in contact and he has fun with his friends for 3 days.

However smoking weed at 44 and how they are as a person while away makes a big difference.

Ugh, why are you ttc with this tosser? Don’t saddle an offspring with such a mediocre specimen as its father!

Run for the hills

Just seen he’s 14 years older than you.. Dump him.m and find someone who is ready to settle down for real.

Someone 14 years older who’s still going on two weeks “lads holidays” and smoking weed? & btw on the lads holiday weed will have been the least of what he’s been consuming.

You said age is not on your side but especially his…so I’m guessing he’s 40s? I just couldn’t find someone this immature at that age attractive. Not parent material.

You're 30 OP? You have time to find someone else. Don't settle for this one.

I get it youre 30 and hear your Bio clock ticking.However you have plenty of time left to find someone more suitable .14 years is a fair old gap ,and there s the issue of drinking and smoking weed as well .It sounds like hes not in the same page as you.You are into healthy living ,my friend met someone at the gym! Look elsewhere and tell him why .

This is complete nonsense. The universe doesn’t decide this man isn’t ideal so she won’t get pregnant. What hocus pocus nonsense. If that were the case there would be no unwanted pregnancies, no children born from rape.

this man is not the right man to have a child with - he clearly doesn’t want to be a father. The most likely outcome here is OP get pregnant, he leaves and she spends the rest of the life managing her child’s disappointment about their useless, absent father.

I voted YABU because you may want to get pregnant, but he very obviously doesn't.
I know the responses here are probably a lot to take in, but honestly you've loads of time!! Dump this man-child and find a man worthy of you and your future DC 💐

I hope you will listen to the choir of wise women here @Burritowrap . Your unborn child merits a good father and nothing you've said so far indicates that he will be one.

You’ve got lucky, as he’s shown you who he is BEFORE you get pregnant. Do you want this man as a father to your future children? Dont they deserve better?!

At 44 living that lifestyle and you think he wants to be a father!?

You need to read up on the research about how the health of the father affects sperm and is often the cause of miscarriages, because maybe he’s happy to have sex without a condom, but it looks like he’s actively avoiding creating a viable pregnancy.

You’re wasting your fertile years . The problem doesn’t seem like it’s you …

YOU can do anything you want too , get your stars to align all you want but sadly you need him to do his part too otherwise you may never have a baby . You may look back and have regrets .. depends what you will regret more tho leaving a “playboy” who is only interested in his fun times smoking drugs and drinking

or you never having had kids . The years pass so quickly …

This guy is acting like he’s still single. Two week boys trip indeed. I would advise very strongly against having children with him. Apart from anything else his sperm are unlikely to be in tiptop condition.

But I know I’ll probably be met with “if it happens, it happens” or “I’m not ready anyway.”

Why are you trying to get pregnant with a man who does not want to have kids with you.

You’ve only been together 18 months and it’s already like this.

44 and he’s behaving like that?!

Leave and find someone who’s not an eternal manchild

At 44, the growing-up boat has long set sail without him.

There are plenty of good, mature men who'll make good fathers out there. Don't settle for this one.

You’ll be on your own the moment that baby arrives as well. He smokes weed? Vapes? Etc he’s not even remotely ready to be a good parent.

This guy is old garbage. Why on earth subject a poor baby to someone like this as a father? You’re so young. Find someone decent, worthy and…clean.

So you’ve been together less than 2 years, he’s old enough to be your dad but acts like he’s in his 20s, and he smokes drugs. You don’t feel like he’s taking TTC seriously, when you aren’t even ‘technically’ trying. The pair of you need to grow up. The only good thing here is that he isn’t taking TTC seriously and you aren’t pregnant yet. Reevaluate your life, fine someone closer to your own age that’s an adult and doesn’t smoke weed and try again in a few years.

You've stuck with him for a year and a half in spite of knowing what a loser he is.

I don't suppose anything is going to change now, but it's beyond my comprehension why you'd want him to be the father your child.