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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's extreme diet is worrying

82 replies

Peekaboooooo · 19/04/2025 07:24

My dh has always been erratic with his food likes and dislikes and has a very all or nothing approach to food. In recent month, this has got more extreme. He is now on the carnivore diet and it mostly eating mince, eggs and chicken. He was eating porridge, veg, fruit, nuts and kefir a few weeks ago but he's now eliminated those too. He won't eat potatoes or grains now and very very rarely will he ever have a treat. If he does, it's something like a bit of 85% dark chocolate.

He's 37, 5ft 10 and just over 9 stone. So he's underweight. He says he's doing this to heal his gut as he has self diagnosed leaky gut. As long as I've known him he's had flair ups of ibs but I believe that's more down to his anxiety. He has some complex ptsd and anxiety problems, long term.

I've asked him to see a doctor which he seems reluctant to do and will say things like, I'll go if YOU want me to. Meaning he'll do it to get me off his back! He's still not been yet.

He's constantly looking food stuff up on his phone and watching American 'experts' taking about these diets on YouTube. He reads all food packaging intensely and critisies it, even if he's not the one eating it!

His eating is extreme and totally obsessive. His mood is also very effected by food and he gets incredibly 'hangry' yet he also does a bit of intermittent fasting which makes that worse. Sometimes he'll go to work and not eat until he gets home at 5pm. That's not everyday but at least 2 times a week.

I've got to the point where I'm really getting worried about this. I'm scared what he's doing to himself in the short term and long term but he just won't hear it. He dismisses red meat and certain cancers and dismisses high cholesterol with high fat diets, saying that both those things are now unfounded. The problem is he's getting his so called facts from sources that I would not see at reputable.

It's effecting our family life now. We have two young children and rarely eat together at home because he eats and cooks such different things to us. The children and myself eating a moderate, healthy diet with an occasional treat. Last week our 3yo actually questioned why he wasn't eating breakfast or lunch when we were on holiday. It's scary to see someone you love do this to themselves when they are also in denial that there's a problem and that he's in the right and the rest of us are totally wrong. I think this is a type of eating disorder now or health anxiety. He's become very serious because of all this and isn't himself, it's actually really sad.
Aibu? What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Peekaboooooo · 19/04/2025 07:28

I should add that he's constantly tired and doesn't sleep well, bordering on insomnia. That's been going on for years.

OP posts:
ThirdStorm · 19/04/2025 07:28

I’ve done lots of reading about these keto style diets and fasting and there are some fascinating health benefits. I’d try supporting him in that front putting aside my own worries about not getting 5 a day! But address the moods and obsessiveness that’s affecting your family.

Eestar · 19/04/2025 07:29

It's orthorexia. He absolutely should get help for this but it's very complex, like any eating disorder.

curious79 · 19/04/2025 07:29

This is very obsessive indeed. Of he /you want an expert in gastro health then look up Dr Alan Desmond. He is a gastroenterologist who can help him with leaky gut (Devon based, does remote consultations) but can also help him get back onto the straight and narrow as the carnivore diet is absolutely not healthy long term, even if people feel good in the short term. He’ll destroy his gut biome and raise his risk of cardiovascular disease.
He probably needs counselling. He will set up your kids for issues with food too

ThirdStorm · 19/04/2025 07:30

PS. I never eat breakfast and occasionally do OMAD, “one meal a day” and I’m perfectly fine. But I’d appreciate the need to be discreet around children.

Original poster
Peekaboooooo · 19/04/2025 07:31

ThirdStorm · 19/04/2025 07:28

I’ve done lots of reading about these keto style diets and fasting and there are some fascinating health benefits. I’d try supporting him in that front putting aside my own worries about not getting 5 a day! But address the moods and obsessiveness that’s affecting your family.

@ThirdStorm I want to be supportive but this is all self diagnosed (gut issues etc) and he looks so thin! That can't be right, even if this diet can be beneficial to some people

OP posts:
Original poster
Peekaboooooo · 19/04/2025 07:33

curious79 · 19/04/2025 07:29

This is very obsessive indeed. Of he /you want an expert in gastro health then look up Dr Alan Desmond. He is a gastroenterologist who can help him with leaky gut (Devon based, does remote consultations) but can also help him get back onto the straight and narrow as the carnivore diet is absolutely not healthy long term, even if people feel good in the short term. He’ll destroy his gut biome and raise his risk of cardiovascular disease.
He probably needs counselling. He will set up your kids for issues with food too

@curious79 thank you. That's really helpful. I'm getting so worried by this whole situation.

OP posts:
Pottingup · 19/04/2025 07:35

I would definitely do my best to get him to the GP as he has an eating disorder and needs help to address it. Do you think he’d listen to you about the evidence around gut bacteria and the need to eat a mixed diet with lots of different plants? Even if he does I think he’d still need to see someone to address his eating disorder.

ThirdStorm · 19/04/2025 07:35

@Peekaboooooo it must be tough for you. Maybe do some reading on gut biome so you can have some good conversations? I skipped a bit too quick over his being 5”10 and 9 stone. If OMAD, that one meal needs to be huge to get enough calories and macros. ZOE might be worth exploring too. I think he’s trying to find a regime that works for him.

Seagreensmokeyblue · 19/04/2025 07:35

He sounds mentally unwell.
Even if he is reluctant to see his GP you should be pressing him to do so.

LoafofSellotape · 19/04/2025 07:35

Oh God,I don't mean to scare you but a family member did the carnivore diey last year and ended up in hospital for 3 weeks,she was so ill. She ended up with vitamin B deficiency and she needed 4 days on an IV drip and she got so thin it was awful. There is nothing healthy about the carnivore diet and yes, family member also has history of disordered eating .

LoafofSellotape · 19/04/2025 07:37

She also started it for self diagnosed gut issues.

Octavia64 · 19/04/2025 07:37

I have ibs.

it’s a diagnosis of exclusion, so if you go to the doctors and say that you have problems with your bowels they will investigate (I had a colonoscopy) to see what it is but if there is no evidence of other disease they will diagnose you with ibs.

it would be good if he could see a doctor to rule out some various serious gut problems.

when you say he has ibs flare ups, what specifically are we talking about? Blood in stool, abdominal pain, constipation, nausea, vomiting?

ibs can be pretty serious in terms of it’s impact on someone’s life and if they find cutting out a food means they are not in pain/don’t have diarrhoea etc then it’s an obvious thing to do.

myself if I eat dairy I get nausea and vomiting and diarrhoea so I don’t.

MidnightPatrol · 19/04/2025 07:37

I think if he’s willing to go to the doctor, even if it’s ’for You’… I’d encourage him on those grounds.

He has an eating disorder, and this is currently how it’s manifesting itself.

Dogpawsandcatwhiskers · 19/04/2025 07:39

Sounds like orthorexia. Maybe he needs to feel in control when he feels so out of control in his daily life? Get him to the GP and see what they suggest.
Id be worried that if he's doing this in front of your DC and theyre noticing, that he's normalising faddy diets when they need their full calories and nutrition to grow well and mature.

Original poster
Peekaboooooo · 19/04/2025 07:40

Thank you everyone. I've been doubting myself, as he tries so hard to convince me this eating regime is normal.

OP posts:
LurkyMcLurkinson · 19/04/2025 07:42

If he can’t hear it from you are there other people in his life, like friends or family, who might be able to recognise he’s got a problematic relationship with food/eating disorder? I’d also push him to see his gp and I’d make sure you attend the appointment with him so he can’t minimise the concerns or lie about what’s really happening.

Ineedanewsofa · 19/04/2025 07:45

Definitely have a read about Orthorexia, he sounds a lot like a gym friend who was diagnosed with this. There are lots of former “clean eating” health and wellness influencers who have admitted that their content was promoting harmful and disordered eating habits/orthorexia and have since shared stories about how they ended up there

YouFetidMoppet · 19/04/2025 07:54

I had this with a relative. Got very thin. They were water fasting for fuck sake under the advice of one of these 'Drs'. I'm convinced that some of these people who recommend extreme diets have some weird god complex.

I think they do need help with their eating. If it is affecting the children you have to bring that home to your partner. It may be the thing that sways him. Maybe find some testimonials where people have taken a more traditional way of healing rather than extreme diets. The more evidence you can find of typical treatments working, the more he might get a balanced view. At the moment he is just looking at evidence to support his dieting.

I have also met a couple of people when working in MH who had psychosomatic disorders and were convinced things were wrong with parts of their body/had parasites they wanted to starve. I'm not saying this is the case with your DH , but just saying there are cases of doing this sort of thing where it is more MH related.

Eyesopenwideawake · 19/04/2025 07:55

He has some complex ptsd and anxiety problems, long term.

Has/would he do anything about these issues? The brain and the digestive system are closely linked, so fixing his mental health issues will most likely have a beneficial effect on his gut problems. Happy to recommend a couple of male colleagues if it would help.

Biffbaff · 19/04/2025 07:59

If he won't see a GP would he see a nutritionist? A proper one?

consistentlyinconsistent · 19/04/2025 08:00

I would say that this is disordered eating and he needs professional help. Not eating and then when he does only eating meat - this is not good! Body needs fibre, other nutrients, complex carbs, healthy fats, at least 10 portions of fruit/veg a day, legumes, nuts etc. not sure how only meat would help IBS (I have family with IBS so know about it). Also it’s not good for your kids to witness this.

consistentlyinconsistent · 19/04/2025 08:03

Biffbaff · 19/04/2025 07:59

If he won't see a GP would he see a nutritionist? A proper one?

He needs to see a properly qualified dietitian (AHP) not a nutritionist.

Left · 19/04/2025 08:04

Oh OP, this must be so tough for you. It does sound like Orthorexia - I have a relative with this and it’s been ongoing for over 30 years. I’ve tried so many approaches - logic and reasoning, gentle understanding, tough love, ignoring… In my experience nothing helped. Even when my relative let go of one fad, they would then take up another in its place.

ThatNaiceMember · 19/04/2025 08:04

curious79 · 19/04/2025 07:29

This is very obsessive indeed. Of he /you want an expert in gastro health then look up Dr Alan Desmond. He is a gastroenterologist who can help him with leaky gut (Devon based, does remote consultations) but can also help him get back onto the straight and narrow as the carnivore diet is absolutely not healthy long term, even if people feel good in the short term. He’ll destroy his gut biome and raise his risk of cardiovascular disease.
He probably needs counselling. He will set up your kids for issues with food too

I agree completely re gut biome, I followed carnivore for six months hoping to fix various gut issues. I did feel great but as soon as I ate anything else it really hurt. I still have a lot more issues than I started with a year later and think it's because my body is still struggling to accept other food.