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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's extreme diet is worrying

82 replies

Peekaboooooo · 19/04/2025 07:24

My dh has always been erratic with his food likes and dislikes and has a very all or nothing approach to food. In recent month, this has got more extreme. He is now on the carnivore diet and it mostly eating mince, eggs and chicken. He was eating porridge, veg, fruit, nuts and kefir a few weeks ago but he's now eliminated those too. He won't eat potatoes or grains now and very very rarely will he ever have a treat. If he does, it's something like a bit of 85% dark chocolate.

He's 37, 5ft 10 and just over 9 stone. So he's underweight. He says he's doing this to heal his gut as he has self diagnosed leaky gut. As long as I've known him he's had flair ups of ibs but I believe that's more down to his anxiety. He has some complex ptsd and anxiety problems, long term.

I've asked him to see a doctor which he seems reluctant to do and will say things like, I'll go if YOU want me to. Meaning he'll do it to get me off his back! He's still not been yet.

He's constantly looking food stuff up on his phone and watching American 'experts' taking about these diets on YouTube. He reads all food packaging intensely and critisies it, even if he's not the one eating it!

His eating is extreme and totally obsessive. His mood is also very effected by food and he gets incredibly 'hangry' yet he also does a bit of intermittent fasting which makes that worse. Sometimes he'll go to work and not eat until he gets home at 5pm. That's not everyday but at least 2 times a week.

I've got to the point where I'm really getting worried about this. I'm scared what he's doing to himself in the short term and long term but he just won't hear it. He dismisses red meat and certain cancers and dismisses high cholesterol with high fat diets, saying that both those things are now unfounded. The problem is he's getting his so called facts from sources that I would not see at reputable.

It's effecting our family life now. We have two young children and rarely eat together at home because he eats and cooks such different things to us. The children and myself eating a moderate, healthy diet with an occasional treat. Last week our 3yo actually questioned why he wasn't eating breakfast or lunch when we were on holiday. It's scary to see someone you love do this to themselves when they are also in denial that there's a problem and that he's in the right and the rest of us are totally wrong. I think this is a type of eating disorder now or health anxiety. He's become very serious because of all this and isn't himself, it's actually really sad.
Aibu? What should I do?

OP posts:
Renamed · 19/04/2025 23:09

It’s NOT normal. He will be severely deficient in vital vitamins and minerals. He needs help.

Adrinaxo · 19/04/2025 23:17

I had an ED late teens. It sounds very extreme and restrictive and would probably be classed as disordered eating if it impacts his daily life ie going out to eat a meal. It's good that it is very health based and he cares about what's in his food but it sounds obsessive. There has to be balance.

TheaBrandt1 · 19/04/2025 23:18

How worrying. It’s clearly an ED. Presumably as an adult it has to be his choice to seek treatment but I would do everything in my power to get him to a decent Gp

Adrinaxo · 19/04/2025 23:22

My ED was triggered by the need for control in other aspects of my life at the time and it spiralled. Not a soul can tell or force you to stop. I remember sitting knowing I had an issue but feeling like an addiction I couldn't stop, I thought to myself I'm never going to get better. I wanted to but I couldn't .. really difficult to explain.
I did eventually, lifting restrictions a little at a time, keeping myself distracted and a happy relationship becoming happy within myself again.

therapy would be a good idea, it wasn't really a thing ten years ago unless I just didn't hear of it I was young.

MethusalahsMum · 19/04/2025 23:34

I've skimmed the thread.

YANBU to be so concerned about him. OPs have commented from personal experience & knowledge, & I concur that he is between an ED & MH problems.

Either way he needs to see the GP for a full check up, consideration of his concerns about his health & with a useful outcome e.g treatment plan or onward referral.

First, I suggest that you have a phone call with the GP to share your concerns - there is no breech of patient confidence in this as it is yourself you are speaking about - & from that point encourage your DH to see the GP asap.

He sounds most unwell. His disordered eating & patchy nutrition are not promoting good health. EDs must be taken seriously.

SallyDraperGetInHere · 20/04/2025 00:01

If you could encourage him to see a GP, as a general well-ness checkup, that would be a start.

From what I know about EDs, and it’s only indirectly, from other people I know, is that the whole household needs to achieve a balance. A parent skipping meals and avoiding eating with the family would be very worrying. It can lead to high levels of control and then uncontrolled binging.

It sounds like he needs a holistic approach to his MH and controlled eating. I hope you find a way through 💐

R053 · 20/04/2025 00:13

I agree it sounds like eating disorder territory. I would offer to go along with him for the check up. He may feel he is only doing it for you but you have to start somewhere.

Blondebakingmumma · 20/04/2025 00:36

There are plenty of Doctors and scientists who follow the carnivore diet, and have been for years with health benefits.
Dr Paul Mason
Dr Anthony Chaffee
Dr Robert Kiltz
Dr Zsofia Clemmens
Dr Shawn Baker
Dr Robert Cywese
Dr Chaffee has a podcast called the plant free MD and interviews Drs, scientists and patients who have had success with carnivore

Galwaygirlxxx · 20/04/2025 00:45

Physician here. He has disordered eating and needs to see GP asap. Who knows how bad this is.

Blondebakingmumma · 20/04/2025 01:03

Galwaygirlxxx curious if you believe that the many doctors who follow this way of eating have disordered eating?

Itsoneofthose · 20/04/2025 01:37

It does sound like he potentially has an eating disorder. Difficulties with his relationship with food or however you want to put it. Eating disorders in men are often so overlooked. Read about Orthorexia nervosa.

user1473878824 · 20/04/2025 01:38

ThirdStorm · 19/04/2025 07:28

I’ve done lots of reading about these keto style diets and fasting and there are some fascinating health benefits. I’d try supporting him in that front putting aside my own worries about not getting 5 a day! But address the moods and obsessiveness that’s affecting your family.

Sorry absolutely not.

he has an eating disorder.

user1473878824 · 20/04/2025 01:39

Blondebakingmumma · 20/04/2025 01:03

Galwaygirlxxx curious if you believe that the many doctors who follow this way of eating have disordered eating?

Do you not think doctors get ill?

GhislaineDeFeligondeRose · 20/04/2025 09:20

Blondebakingmumma · 20/04/2025 00:36

There are plenty of Doctors and scientists who follow the carnivore diet, and have been for years with health benefits.
Dr Paul Mason
Dr Anthony Chaffee
Dr Robert Kiltz
Dr Zsofia Clemmens
Dr Shawn Baker
Dr Robert Cywese
Dr Chaffee has a podcast called the plant free MD and interviews Drs, scientists and patients who have had success with carnivore

Andrew Wakefield was a doctor too. Excluding all vegetables, fruits, grains, legumes, seeds, and nuts as the carnivore diet does isn't a healthy diet.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/nutrition/what-is-the-carnivore-diet

Itsoneofthose · 20/04/2025 20:06

Stop enabling disordered eating. Cutting out large food groups under the guise of health, choice, etc is a well known symptom. Details in the original post point clearly do an ED.

springtimemagic · 23/04/2025 04:27

Peekaboooooo · 19/04/2025 07:24

My dh has always been erratic with his food likes and dislikes and has a very all or nothing approach to food. In recent month, this has got more extreme. He is now on the carnivore diet and it mostly eating mince, eggs and chicken. He was eating porridge, veg, fruit, nuts and kefir a few weeks ago but he's now eliminated those too. He won't eat potatoes or grains now and very very rarely will he ever have a treat. If he does, it's something like a bit of 85% dark chocolate.

He's 37, 5ft 10 and just over 9 stone. So he's underweight. He says he's doing this to heal his gut as he has self diagnosed leaky gut. As long as I've known him he's had flair ups of ibs but I believe that's more down to his anxiety. He has some complex ptsd and anxiety problems, long term.

I've asked him to see a doctor which he seems reluctant to do and will say things like, I'll go if YOU want me to. Meaning he'll do it to get me off his back! He's still not been yet.

He's constantly looking food stuff up on his phone and watching American 'experts' taking about these diets on YouTube. He reads all food packaging intensely and critisies it, even if he's not the one eating it!

His eating is extreme and totally obsessive. His mood is also very effected by food and he gets incredibly 'hangry' yet he also does a bit of intermittent fasting which makes that worse. Sometimes he'll go to work and not eat until he gets home at 5pm. That's not everyday but at least 2 times a week.

I've got to the point where I'm really getting worried about this. I'm scared what he's doing to himself in the short term and long term but he just won't hear it. He dismisses red meat and certain cancers and dismisses high cholesterol with high fat diets, saying that both those things are now unfounded. The problem is he's getting his so called facts from sources that I would not see at reputable.

It's effecting our family life now. We have two young children and rarely eat together at home because he eats and cooks such different things to us. The children and myself eating a moderate, healthy diet with an occasional treat. Last week our 3yo actually questioned why he wasn't eating breakfast or lunch when we were on holiday. It's scary to see someone you love do this to themselves when they are also in denial that there's a problem and that he's in the right and the rest of us are totally wrong. I think this is a type of eating disorder now or health anxiety. He's become very serious because of all this and isn't himself, it's actually really sad.
Aibu? What should I do?

Pretty interesting he is trying to fix his gut issues and isn’t consuming any plants so his gut microbiome is going to be shot to bits, the very things that would fix his gut issues. Tell him to listen to the Zoe podcasts.

Original poster
Peekaboooooo · 24/09/2025 18:36

Returning to this as my husband has got back to a carnivore diet. Things improved a bit for a few months after the last time I posted back in April but over the last couple of weeks, it's become extreme again. All he's eating at the moment is two meals a day consisting of red meat and eggs. That's it! I'm so worried about the harm he could be doing to himself. He's just convinced that he doesn't need any other foods as they could be causing his leaky gut (self diagnosed) and anxiety symptoms.
He actually said this evening as I was cooking dinner that he thinks vegetables are toxic (because they have toxins in them) and humans don't need them. He keeps referring back to cave men! Sounds like his mind has been warped by youtubers and conspiracy theories.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peekaboooooo · 24/09/2025 18:36

Please reach out. I'm in such a state. I don't know how to get through to him.

OP posts:
NotTheHair · 24/09/2025 18:40

Hey OP this sounds awful and obviously he's not approaching it from a reasonable perspective with how he's acting. I have YouTube conspiracy theorists in my family and it's exhausting.

How is he acting towards you? Is his obsessive behaviour something you can continue to live with?

Wolfiefan · 24/09/2025 18:45

I am not sure you can. He’s allowed to hold whatever opinions he wants. But I’d be telling him I didn’t want to hear it. And honestly? I’d rather divorce him than have his MH and faddy eating fuck up the kids.

Tontostitis · 24/09/2025 18:52

OhNoFloyd · 19/04/2025 08:08

He doesn't necessarily have an eating disorder and isn't necessarily too thin but it sounds like he has a number of unmanaged health conditions that would be worth exploration by someone qualified. That might not be a GP but it would be a good place to start. I think you should take him up on the "I'll go if you make me" and he should be clear about how many exclusions he's having to make in order to feel well. It's not normal and a decent GP should want to explore what's going on.

Separately, I would talk to him about the importance of raising your dc with healthy attitudes towards food and how important meal times together are. He doesn't have to eat the same food, or even eat at all but he does have to come to the table and participate in the family time together.

He's 9 stone of course he's too thin

MrsLizzieDarcy · 24/09/2025 19:07

Our youngest daughter had an eating disorder in her early teens, and I can understand your frustration OP. It's horrifying to watch someone go through.

If it helps, I booked a GP appointment to talk about it, the GP was great and really listened. I managed to get DD there a few weeks later under other pretenses, and the GP had a good chat to her alone where they mentioned their and my concerns. We were referred on, and it was a heavy going slow process but we eventually turned the corner.

You can't do this without professional help. And you may have to come down hard here to get him to see someone.

helibirdcomp · 24/09/2025 19:10

There is an American scientist who looks into dietary studies and debunks them when necessary. His site has hundreds of videos where he looks it health issues. He has written 2 major books - How not to diet and How not to die. Both have many citation of supporting scientific studies. Maybe this would get your husband away from faddy influencers. Dr Greger runs the site nutritionfacts.org. It might be worth searching this for videos on IBS, Leaky gut, and keto diets to see what information you can find. If you don’t want to seem too interfering maybe accidentally leave a relevant video open on his computer.

Tigerhoods · 24/09/2025 19:19

There is an eating disorder charity: Beat. Why don't you reach out to them for some support and advice?