To be a little weirded out by a question from my guy’s dad?

[ThisHonestFinch]

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a while now and recently I met his dad. We were having a casual chat and then he asked me, “Why would a smart and pretty young lady like you choose someone like him?”

I’m not sure how to feel about it. I get that maybe he was trying to be playful or compliment me but it came across as kind of strange and a little insulting towards his son. AIBU to be bothered by this or should I just let it go?

That’s awful. Poor guy

Two most obvious answers are:

a - he's an arsehole. My dad is like this, thinks putting me down makes him look clever/funny.

b - he actually knows his sons flaws that you've not yet spotted.

Who knows which is the truth though.

Wow! Thats awful) did he say it in front of his son ? Xx

Not a nice thing to say. Hope it’s not the tip of an iceberg of a damaging father-son relationship.

He was just trying to be funny, and it was all tongue in cheek.

He did! My guy was standing right there. He kind of laughed it off but I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable too. I just didn’t know whether to take it as a weird attempt at humour or something a bit more backhanded. Still not sure!

It's banter relax.

Yes, this.

Jeez people need to unclench.

The problem with banter (and our parents did similar when they met each other) is that it’s just being mean. While laughing. We’ve been trained to laugh along but it’s still mean.

Hurtful at the expense of someone else and in a particularly unkind way is not banter. It's bullying, belittling and humiliating.

My children are grown up and have partners. I wouldn’t dream of belittling them in front of a partner. New or old.

It's great to have a laugh but not at so.eone else's expense.

Wasn’t it just a joke?

Really? This discombulated you??
I would say this sort of thing all the time about adult DS.
And he remains the most confident, dynamic, funny, popular, resourceful person I have ever met.

I think if he said it in front of him it’s actually better in a weird way. Still not great but could be banter whereas if said privately would be super odd.

Every little comment somebody makes these days has to be analysed endlessly, this sort of comment I'm sure has been made umpteen times over decades by parents playfully teasing their children.

Unless there are other issues, it's not worth even thinking about.

I would assume that he was trying to be funny...your boyfriend was probably uncomfortable at the cringeworthy comment more so than it being a put down.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Why are your adult children so delicate that you monitor what you say around them? Why have you not taught them how to give as good as they get? If they can't cope with their own bloody mum teasing them how will they cope with....just life really.

Possibly and I’m usually happy to take a joke! But it landed strangely in the moment, especially because it put his own son down more than anything. Maybe he was trying to be funny or self-deprecating on his son’s behalf but it was awkward enough that it stuck with me.

I wouldn’t give it another thought. Awkward banter.

I get that some families have that kind of banter and it works for them. But when you’re new to the dynamic and the comment comes unexpectedly, it can land a little differently. It wasn’t the end of the world but it did catch me off guard, especially since it was our first proper interaction.

Sounds like a joke, I've heard men say stuff like this about each other loads of times.

They aren't delicate. They have been brought up in a kind and respectful environment. No monitoring what we say because we wouldn't dream of saying nasty things to those we love. It doesn't stop us laughing.

What a strange comment.

I think it was just an awkward joke - but if it was supposed to be banter, I can see how it might hit wrong. And it kinda comes across a bit creepy. Weirdly, I’d say it to someone about my brother in a heartbeat, but would I ever say something like that to my daughter’s boyfriend about her? No, because it’s just off in that context, somehow.

It’s all in the delivery, impossible to know unless we were there but it sounds like harmless banter to me.

Laugh it off and move on, if you end up with him you’re going to be seeing a lot more of his dad, don’t hold onto it