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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little weirded out by a question from my guy’s dad?

69 replies

ThisHonestFinch · 18/04/2025 20:35

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a while now and recently I met his dad. We were having a casual chat and then he asked me, “Why would a smart and pretty young lady like you choose someone like him?”

I’m not sure how to feel about it. I get that maybe he was trying to be playful or compliment me but it came across as kind of strange and a little insulting towards his son. AIBU to be bothered by this or should I just let it go?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 19/04/2025 07:24

We say stuff like that all the time in our family, yabu to take it seriously unless he treats his son horribly.

CaptainMyCaptain · 19/04/2025 07:31

Hadalifeonce · 18/04/2025 20:38

He was just trying to be funny, and it was all tongue in cheek.

I would think this but only you, OP, heard his tone of voice. Some people's humour is like that (i.e. not funny).

Trashpalace · 19/04/2025 07:36

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/04/2025 20:47

The problem with banter (and our parents did similar when they met each other) is that it’s just being mean. While laughing. We’ve been trained to laugh along but it’s still mean.

Well said.

I'm not sure what you can do to influence the dad who made the comment and maybe he was trying to pay you an extremely awkward compliment and it could be innocuous.

However. If I was considering a future (children) with this boyfriend I'd chat with him about it to find out his genuine feelings about this. Children do feel put-downs disguised as "jokes", and people who insist on excusing their meanness as being a "joke" can be extremely abusive problematic. (Not saying they necessarily are, just that abusive people often hide behind being "jokey").

Sharptonguedwoman · 19/04/2025 07:41

Dad's a creep. He sounds as though he's a throwback to the 1970s. His poor son.

Sharptonguedwoman · 19/04/2025 07:42

PassingStranger · 18/04/2025 20:45

It's banter relax.

Not really. And 'banter' often means bullying.

Musclewoman · 19/04/2025 07:58

Nevertrustacop · 18/04/2025 20:56

Why are your adult children so delicate that you monitor what you say around them? Why have you not taught them how to give as good as they get? If they can't cope with their own bloody mum teasing them how will they cope with....just life really.

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The world is filled with enough unkindness, they don't need their own parents flinging it at them...

SallyWD · 19/04/2025 08:43

LePetitMaman · 18/04/2025 20:46

Yes, this.

Jeez people need to unclench.

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Yep, lots of people make these kinds of jokes. It's just their attempt at humour

Gundogday · 19/04/2025 08:45

As a one off, I’d take it as banter, and a compliment to you.

Tbrh · 19/04/2025 09:18

saraclara · 19/04/2025 07:16

As a pp said, it's all in the delivery and we weren't there to hear it. But my instant reaction is that it's a timeless and common joke to make, and I've heard it regularly. Pretty sure that my late husband's cousins made the same joke to me, and they were super close with my DH.

Yeah it's old people humour. Someone made a joke to my 3yo last week and it really upset him because he's not used to stupid jokes, when I told my DH he basically groaned and was furious saying it was something his grandfather would've said. Times have changed, but some people haven't

Evaka · 19/04/2025 09:21

Classic idiot man banter. Probably an embarrassing attempt to be flirtatious.

dontcryformeargentina · 19/04/2025 09:56

Sharptonguedwoman · 19/04/2025 07:41

Dad's a creep. He sounds as though he's a throwback to the 1970s. His poor son.

This…

Lighteningstrikes · 19/04/2025 10:03

It was very likely just his dad’s humour and you’re being a bit uptight about it.

No doubt you’ll find out more about your BF’s family as time goes on.

BoredZelda · 19/04/2025 10:52

Sharptonguedwoman · 19/04/2025 07:42

Not really. And 'banter' often means bullying.

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But not always.

This kind of thing has been around since the Ark. As a one off throwaway comment, it’s absolutely fine. If it’s part of a pattern of put downs, it’s not.

Our family have always done some gentle taking the piss, it’s a laugh, we all get involved and all clap back with it.

CalicoPusscat · 19/04/2025 10:56

People can come out with some odd stuff, met ex dad and instead of saying hello he said "who's she, the bloody Christmas tree fairy?"

BoredZelda · 19/04/2025 10:57

Tbrh · 19/04/2025 09:18

Yeah it's old people humour. Someone made a joke to my 3yo last week and it really upset him because he's not used to stupid jokes, when I told my DH he basically groaned and was furious saying it was something his grandfather would've said. Times have changed, but some people haven't

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Nice bit of ageism thrown in there. Taking the piss out of people happens from teen to grandparent. My daughter didn’t like jokes either when she was 3. We either explained it had been a joke and moved on, or challenged the person making the joke if it really was inappropriate.

justtheonequestion1 · 19/04/2025 11:36

What a creep. He should not be commenting on your looks, at all. Totally inappropriate, and would make many people feel deeply uncomfortable. Avoid him, is my advice.

Sharptonguedwoman · 19/04/2025 13:36

BoredZelda · 19/04/2025 10:52

But not always.

This kind of thing has been around since the Ark. As a one off throwaway comment, it’s absolutely fine. If it’s part of a pattern of put downs, it’s not.

Our family have always done some gentle taking the piss, it’s a laugh, we all get involved and all clap back with it.

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Yes, depends on circumstance and tone of voice, can’t say I’m keen.

Sharptonguedwoman · 19/04/2025 16:38

BobbyBiscuits · 18/04/2025 21:23

Im hoping they've got a bawdy kind of sense of humour based relationship. I'm imaging Jays dad from Inbetweeners!!

From the little I saw, I thought he was immensely inappropriate and cruel.

BobbyBiscuits · 19/04/2025 17:35

Sharptonguedwoman · 19/04/2025 16:38

From the little I saw, I thought he was immensely inappropriate and cruel.

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Yeah, it sounds that way really doesn't it.

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