Mum looks uncomfortable when I hug my Dd

[Doyourememberthetimex]

My Dd is 6, we have a very natural relationship when we’ll hug each other, cuddle up etc-normal 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve noticed my Dm often looks awkward/uncomfortable. She has said she wishes she’d been more affectionate when we were kids, I can’t remember her ever really hugging me or telling me she loved me. It’s difficult for me to understand how you can’t not.

Is this normal?

Invite her in for a group hug?

Is what normal? You’re physically affectionate. Your mother wasn’t, and regrets it. Both seem to me to be normal.

Have you asked her whether her parents displayed affection towards her?

Probably a generational thing I think . Maybe encourage your dd to give her grandma a cuddle when she sees her :)

For her to always have this look/change in the atmosphere when i’m simply cuddling up to my child

It doesn’t sound like too much of a riddle. She’s uncomfortable because she feels guilty and wishes she was more affectionate. Isn’t that a good thing for you - validation that she does think your way is better?

No, my grandparents were lovely though

I wasn’t shown affection, yet I give it to my Dd…I don’t understand how you can’t to your kids

She hasn’t said this directly when I am hugging Dd etc, she just mentioned it in passing at another time

This is the thing, she’s very huggy with Dd

Everyone is different and it’s possible your mum struggled with post natal depression or something which meant that affection was difficult for her.

But…with all of us (3) through our whole childhood

A lot of our parents are the same. They had parents that were still very Victorian in their behaviour. My dad did a good job of showing us affection and telling us he loved us. He still does now we're adults but my mum isn't very good at it. She's not very affectionate with grandkids either. Some people just aren't. I try to be affectionate with my kids but my youngest says I don't hug him enough. I've had to put alarms on my phone to remind me to give him hugs. He would be surgically attached to me though if he could. He's a big softy and even likes the smell of my trumps. 😂

Yes, it’s very possible.

Lots of PND goes unrecognised and untreated, sadly.

Sure, if, as you say, she says she regrets not being more physically demonstrative.

Exactly @JudasTree . It is a constant reminder of how she feels she failed you as a parent. I'd cut her some slack. There could be allsorts of reasons she struggles with it like her own childhood that you hinted at not being very nice.

Should I not do it in front of her?

i’m not sure I hinted her childhood wasn’t nice? My grandparents were lovely

No it's not "a generational thing". What does that even mean? That parents didn't cuddle their children in the 1980s or something?

She perhaps had a hard time as a busy parent and has mellowed a bit more as a grandparent, I think it’s probably normal for parents to be strict with their kids but then spoil their grandkids, I know that’s a bit different but perhaps it’s something like this

Could it be that she feels awkward with physical affection and always has done, but wishes she didn't?

Ahh sorry @Doyourememberthetimex I've misread your post about your grandparents.
No definitely carry on doing it. Act normally, the problem is your mum's. Do you feel like you could talk to her about it? It could just be part of her personality not everyone is a hugger. Also could be a neurodiversity thing. I'd love to be more of a hugger but I feel like I have an invisible barrier around me. Like @MistyMoistyMorningCloud says. I have no explanation for why I'm like this but I manage to overcome it for my kids but like I said the fact I have a hug my kid alarm speaks volumes.

My mom was never very affectionate but showed it in different ways. Shes just not a touchy feely hugging type of person, she hates her partner touching her lol just the way she is !

I think there has been a bit of a shift since then. I had non-victorian progressive parents but they really weren't that huggy as we got older (80s).

Yes, my thoughts exactly.

I think you are being oversensitive. Your mum was not physically affectionate, but you are. You do you. If she feels a bit regretful about it all then there is nothing you can do, nor need to.
Let her have her feelings. They make sense.

Carry on hugging your daughter and showing her physical affection. This is your mum's issue, not yours. You shouldn't have to change your behaviour towards your DD in case your mum's feelings are hurt.