MIL performance coughing/sneezing

[Pyrana]

MIL is staying with us until May 4th. She arrived weekend just gone and she’s driving me insane with her performance coughing and sneezing. When she coughs she will literally start pounding the sofa with her fists and stamping her feet hard on the ground. When she sneezes she literally SCREAMS horror film style and again punches something or kicks out. We have had two drinks kicked off the coffee table since Sunday. I really can’t cope with it for another two weeks, I constantly feel on edge waiting for the next scream. Plus it’s embarrassing, Monday she did it in the back garden and you could literally hear the neighbours instantly fall silent wondering what the hell the screaming was all about.

I’ve told DH to have a word but he says he can’t tell his mother how to sneeze. I’ve said if he doesn’t say something I will. AIBU?

If she’s that unwell, perhaps it’s best she goes home now.

Fall down and play dead the next time she does it.

If he won't tell her, you're going to have to or clear off the coffee table.

Is this a new thing with her?! Does she generally thrive on attention?

I'm sorry op, I'm sure it's not funny really, but your description did make me chuckle

That sounds remarkable. All drinks in Tommy tippy cups for her from now on. I would also suggest that someone as ill as her needs to go home.
Has she come from abroad for such a long stay?

next time she does it say "Bloody hell Sharon the neighbours are going to think we have the local zoo visiting"

Next time she does it ask her if she's seen the GP about it and if she's says no or why then you can tell her its absolutely not normal.

Sorry but that's too funny 😂

I wouldn't be able to resist a "gosh Susan, that's quite a dramatic sneeze you've got there, you'll have next door's cat jumping off their couch at this rate".

Seriously, if she's unwell she'd really better go home. Wouldn't want to catch what she's got.

I’d struggle to cope with that. Has she always done it, or does she have a cold? She could stop the sneeze scream by pinching her nose and having a tissue ready. The pounding fists is ridiculous. Why such a long stay?

I do a series of tiny sneezes, I trained myself based on my Mothers ridiculous WAHOOO performances when I was a child.

No idea how you discourage you Mil but can concur it’s very tiresome.

Fascinating!
Does she have insight when this happens?
Did she apologise when the drinks tipped off the table?
Has she always done it?
It would drive me to distraction!
Sympathy....I think I'd scream loudly, in fright, the next time she does it.

Plus it’s embarrassing, Monday she did it in the back garden and you could literally hear the neighbours instantly fall silent wondering what the hell the screaming was all about.

Give over! They won't care.

Just make a big show of moving anything fragile out of her blast radius

Why is she staying that long?
Is she unwell?
Walk out of the room when she does it.

May the 4th be with you.

Is she contagious? 🤢

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m sorry OP but this has absolutely cracked me up

The strength of someone’s sneeze is determined by the mouth/ throat shape and isn’t really controllable - but if you are a loud sneezer it’s exhausting to have your whole body shaken up - if it’s bad for you just remember she is in the epicentre

My mum is a bit like this!

No stamping and knocking drinks over but extremely loud and theatrical with coughs and sneezes, and won't hold back from telling you she couldn't go to work as she has a cough and would wet herself at work. 🤦🙄

To add I know stress incontinence is no joke but there's tena lady, and changes of clothing in a bag, and there's also a strong case of too much information!

My late Mum used to have these theatrical episodes when she fancied there was something wrong with her…chest clutching and noisy breathlessness (potential heart trouble)…hand held to forehead (potential fainting fit)…and so on…after a while I found that just remaining oblivious and not commenting eventually put a stop to it.

😂😂😂😂

If you can't beat them, join them!!

How about some loud farts followed my steam train style whooping?

Or maybe some full volume sneezes woth a stand up jiggly dance after?

Or next time she sneezes just say "I appreciate a sneeze is an eighth of an orgasm, but making it louder surely doesn't make it more effective??"

She's clearly struggling with an allergic reaction to your pets / children / home and it sounds very inappropriate to let her stay unless things rapidly improve over the next day or so. Perhaps a (drowsy-making) antihistamine would help, or if not, it's time to go home?

Why is she staying so long?

Has she always done this?

Can you match her to the doctors and demonstrate exactly what she does in front of them?

I couldn’t stand this, I would have to move out…

My mum does this too. She will start off the visit or phonecall doing a fake croaky voice, and performative coughing, and as time goes on she forgets to keep it up. Then when she remembers it starts again. Its v. funny. Me and my sibs just take the piss.

I’m a loud sneezer, I don’t know why because sneezing is such a quick instant reaction I can’t seem to control it unless I hold my nose. But somebody told me when I was a child that if you hold your nose when you sneeze because of the speed of the sneeze you can cause a bleed In your brain. I don’t know if it’s true, but it stayed with me!

BUT the punching and kicking as she sneezes and coughs is just weird! I’ve never known anybody do that.

Think I’d say “right, I’m sorry but the coughing and sneezing is too much. I don’t want to catch your bug, I think you should go home to recuperate and come back another time”.

How have you not burst out laughing or asked her wtf is that performance all about?